ya know....

(PSA: proceed with undue caution, you have been warned)

Ya know, today started off pretty normal. It was actually a pretty slow day at work. I had not been overly taxed or burdened and it was a reasonably cool day all things being equal. About lunch time, I sat down and enjoyed my second day of left over Chinese food. I had eaten most of the meat and vegetables already, but now I still had a good lunch size portion of rice. I finished my midday meal and proceeded to go back to my duties whilst waiting for the boss to return with an emergency job that was sure to make my life a little more interesting anyway. Well about 2:30 he returned with a job and a German man to watch me do the job. This is a bit odd but not something I haven't dealt with before. About 2 hours later, an hour past quiting time, I am done and on the way home.

Upon arriving home I walk in and begin to survey my castle. Its 5:30 and I need to feed the dogs and begin my part of cooking dinner, grilled chicken it is tonight. While prepping my chicken I notice an unusual amount of gnats in the area, I swoosh them away and decide to check the dishwasher. Yep, still has old cake plates in there from the party, I decide to load and run the dishwasher. I am figuring that this should cut down the gnat problem a bit. In the last few days I had also noticed an incredible increase in the amount of flies in the house. A friend from Church, Mrs. Dona, suggested that perhaps I needed to consider taking a shower. I think I will try out her idea this evening, but I don't think that is the entire problem.

When I say I noticed and increase in the fly population, I don't mean we have 5 or 6 flies instead of the usual one or two. I mean I hooked up the vacuum cleaner and sucked flies out of the windows. Not dead flies of the window sills either, live , mentally challenged flies buzzing around the window. I know I hosed up 30 or 40 the other day. Yes this seemed odd to me, but I have no logical culprit at the moment, other than maybe I need to take my annual shower a little sooner than planned.

I should also mention here that upon entering my castle through the garage door I noticed the stack of towels that live just outside the living quarters were a little more pungent than usual. There is usually a towel or two that stay outside because the two blind Bichon's who dwell in the castle are not always well potty trained. These towels soak up a couple of pee piles before the king takes them to the dungeon to be bleached and laundered. During these hot summer months you can catch a whiff of 2 day old dog urine in the garage. But today its a little ranker than that. I just do a huff at them and pass them by, quickly.

I have now started the dishwasher and prepped the chicken to be grilled when my lovely assistant Angie comes into the kitchen to lend her man a hand. It is her duty to fix the fixin's to go with the chickens. She observes the stash in the freezer and doesn't find what she is looking for so she goes out to deep freeze which is in the garage right next to the towels full of Fritz pee's. (oh, I think I hurt myself) She opens the lid to look for some corn, but the next phrase is priceless.

HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

What oh my lovely assistant could the matter be, pray tell me what your king might do to alleviate my oh so distressed damsel.

THE FREEZER IS OFF AND SOMETHING SMELLS VERY MUCH BAD OUT THERE. THE FOOD IS ALL RUINED, STANKS, AND ITS FULL OF MAGGOTS.

Maggots you say, I don't like maggots.

So I calmly tell my damsel that I will put my chicken on the grill and go to see what I might do to handle this mess. I, your faithful king, will handle this situation, without even the need of any mighty knights. I casually stroll out to the grill and put my chicken on at about 300 degrees to let it barb-E- Q nice and slow allowing me time to go and handle this little dilemma.

As I stroll out the door into the garage I notice that my lady is correct in her scented assumptions. It does have a bit of a foul odor out here. Its not just Fritz, its the freezer. I then open the lid and the aroma of decay becomes a bit stronger, but still manageable for the manly king that I am. I go and acquire a trash can and pull it up next to the offending odor emanater. I begin to remove the WARM items and put them in the trash. You may notice I mentioned that the items were warm, not cold, not cool, not tepid, WARM, just this side of hot actually. This freezer has been off a good while.

I pluck another item off the top.

and then another,

and then another.

I notice that with each item I remove, the fragrance seems to magically amplify. (or was it ampliFLY)

As the stank increases I notice that my lady mentioned maggots, but I don't see any. (yet)

About 3/4 done removing the items I still am of the mind that I just need to get the rotten food out, let the freezer air out and start over.

The extraction of the 10 pound pork roast changes my mind however. There is something unnatural about a 10 pound roast in your hands being warm and squishy. It wasn't squishy when in went in. I am now to the point where I must lean over into the freezer to pull the items off the bottom.

Now I discover a law of physics. When things defrost they leave behind water. In a trapped environment, the water doesn't evaporate, it just sits. To produce baby flys (IE maggots) one would need three things. Moisture, got it, warmth, got that too, and decaying biological matter, oh, got that as well. I got myself a maggot incubation chamber, about 20 cubic feet worth.

As I reach the bottom of the well, I find the water at the bottom.

First observation, its pink and white and its moving. It even has rhythm. The bottom is a maggot factory, 10 million baby flys all doing the stadium wave at me like they are at a New York Giants game. Maggots in large quantity put off a nice stank.

I stood all I can stands, I cant stands no more (Popeye reference for the younger readers)

I now am lambasted by an uncontrollable wave of nausea. I stuble out the garage to the edge of the building and heave a few hard ones. Now, (you were warned) as Elvis is leaving the building, as I am chundering up my lunch, as I am letting go my Eggo, I make the oh so tragic mistake of looking down. When one is yaking and one looks down one would see ones yak. What was it I had for lunch again, ah yes, rice.....

I will give you a minute to digest that thought for just a moment. (digest, get it, I kill myself)

The King is dead, long live the King......

Okay, move on, nothing to see here, move along ladies and gentlemen, move along.

In my indignant moment, I have chicken on the grill, maggots on my fingers, and previously eaten rice on my toes. Oh, I need to wash my hands, and then flip my chicken.

But first Elvis needs and encore, or two, or three.

So, I am standing in my driveway, puking on my flowerbed, while wearing shorts and no shirt, and a really foul reek coming from inside my garage. I wonder what the neighbors think of that

? Never mind, I don't want to know.

Well, I manage to finish the chicken and let Angie and Gracie eat. Oddly enough, I'm not hungry.

I go back to the garage and make yet another discovery. About a mile away, a fly caught the scent of what was amiss. He then heard me a chundering. He then stopped on a telephone pole and located the scene of this mishap. He then got out his cell phone and twittered all his friends, who twittered their friends, and so on, and so on, and so on. As I round the corner I hear a jet plane, no, maybe a Huey helicopter, no maybe a caravan of Harley's, oh no, just 10 million exuberant flies. It was like a scene from a bad B movie. You could HEAR them swarming.

When it was all said and done the freezer was bleached, cleaned with apple scented dish soap, berry scented arm and hammer and hosed out thoroughly and scrubbed to a nice shine.

The trash can however has a 150 pounds worth of fly bait inside, and it is working well.

Rumpke has been called, they might want to get to us quickly. Tonight is karaoke night in the trash can, tomorrow is shuffleboard. By the time trash day comes next week I figure the can will have walked off all on its own.

another episode of Gracie-isms

Sunday night was a rough one at the Wilson house. Gracie has been going to bed a little earlier each week as we work back towards school time sleeping hours. She has been less than enthused by this endeavor. She had gotten used to going to bed late, between 9 and 10:30 and not having a nap most days meant she was exhausted and just dropped. Well, in changing this arrangement, she is not stumbling to bed, therefore she must not be ready to sleep yet, right? Well, not being nearly unconscious before hitting the sack has left her with time to think (and scheme) before going to sleep. One of the unfortunate results of this is that she has started claiming to be to scared to sleep, or at least to sleep in her own bed. She has refused to sleep at all until one of us goes to bed and even then, she wants to crawl in with us before she is willing to be done.

The reason she gives...........BAD DREAMS.

Well, all kids have bad dreams once in a while. This is normal. We have a full arsenal of defenses against bad dreams. We have Monster B Gone spray (which is really a bottle of nice smelling Febreze, you know monsters don't like fresh flowery smells and Gracie's' do) We have the quiet loving talks to assure her that there is nothing to be afraid of. We have "go to sleep before I spank you and poke out my own eyes" talk. When things get really really bad, we call on the Divine to intervene.

Sunday was really really bad, so Angie and I prayed over Gracie in her bed and asked Jesus to watch over her and asked God to send some Angels to stay at her bedside to keep any bad dreams from coming to her as she slept. This usually works because now she feels like she is not alone anymore, and usually she calms down and sleeps. This night however, was not the normal night. In order for this to work, she must calm down and then sleep. She calmed down, but she didn't go to sleep. The Angels cant keep bad dreams from coming while your awake little Miss Gracie, but sleep was not in the cards just yet.

I pulled a new card out of the pile to try this night. I went in her room and took a pillow off her bed and crashed down in the floor. My hope was that I could crash there and talk with her a while until she faded off to sleep, and then turn her over to the Divine sword wielding protectors and go back to my bed to catch what at this point would be too few Z's.

Again, my plan was thwarted because Gracie was calm and willing to talk, but not willing to sleep. So, we talked, and talked, and talked some more. She was painfully logical in her reasoning, as most kids can be.

Daddy, if I cant sleep in your bed, why do Bo and Fritz, ( the two blind Bichons in the house) get to sleep in your bed?

Well, sweetheart, there are some differences between you and them. First, they cant see. Bo keeps falling down the stairs so we keep him squished up between the pillows so he knows where we are and doesn't wonder around looking for us at night. Fritz sleeps pretty much wherever he wants to, he is on the couch right now and will end up in the bedroom floor later, he doesn't fall down the stairs like Bo does. And, in case you forgot, Bo and Fritz are dogs, your a little girl. Its not appropriate for little girls to sleep in the bed with their parents. You have your own room, with your own bed, and your own stuff. Okay? ( Now I knew better than to say okay, but I did it anyway)

Daddy, why cant I just sleep wherever I want like Fritz does then.

Because honey, Fritz is a dog.

I wish I were a puppy, don't you wish you were a puppy too daddy, puppies are so lucky, they get to do whatever they want, and everybody is always loving on them and petting them, nobody ever pets me?

No, if we were puppies, we would have to eat that stinky food, all we would ever get to drink is water. We would have to pee outside......

In the rain, in the snow, and when its cold outside?

Yes sugar, in the rain, snow, sleet, smog, and wind, with no shoes on even. And your mom and dad love on you all the time.

Yes, daddy, but you only pet my hair sometimes, mommy only pets my back sometimes.

I will start petting your back too boogs', Okay? (dang, asked it again?)

Don't you wish you didn't have to go to work daddy? Don't you wish you could just stay home and play all the time with me?

Well, yes and no. I do wish I didn't have to work, but I need to so I can pay for the stuff that you need.

Like my bed, our house, and stuff, so we don't have to live in a box and eat dirt?

Yes Shug, so we don't have to live in a box and eat dirt...

( the don't you wish game has started)

Don't you wish you where a fish?

No, then I would live in a bowl and just watch everybody pass by.

Don't you wish you where a booger, a booger in a tiara who married a tree? (not so muffled giggles)

Okay, Gracie, enough of the silliness. Its late, I have to get up in a few hours now and go to work, please be quiet and go to sleep.

Okay daddy... brief pause..... Don't you wish you where a pastor like Pastor Tim, then you would only have to work on Sunday's...

( I snorted)

It doesn't work that way Gracie. Look, I need some sleep before I go to work. I am already past the point that I will be grumpy tomorrow.

Your gonna be a grumpy hippopotamus?

Yes, a very grumpy hippo.

At this point (3:30 AM) I go to bed (again) for about an hour give or take. Gracie comes in and gives me a hug at 4 AM. Then again at 4:30. At 4:45 I get up. She crawls in our bed, I get dressed and leave for work. She is the Victor (hail to the victor, hail hail hail)

Tomorrow night, I have a plan. No sleep for daddy, no playing for Gracie........

Ya, know, the most annoying part of the whole thing was the catalyst. I asked Gracie, what was it that she was dreaming about, scared of or whatever. It was the talking picture of the Mona Lisa she saw on a cartoon that morning. The Mona Lisa kept me (and her) up all night.

My attitude towards the French just got a little worse me thinketh.........

The Don

"Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza is appearing topless in the September issue of Maxim magazine, on stands August 18, with the full support of her pageant (they gave Maxim the photos!), "

Ya know, it cant be just me that finds this to be something of a sad comedy. Has Donald Trump, aka ' The Don' really taken the 'classy' and 'prestigious' pageant industry into the smut tank? ( tongue plowed into cheek with the last statement) Has the beautiful and pristine pageantry of the pageant been tarnished forever? Can we ever watch this epic struggle performed by these tough and classy ladies and not have the thought, ' I wonder if she's the trashy one' pop into our heads. I thinketh not. Dayana Mendoza asked permission from The Don to do this topless ad and not only did he give his almighty permission, ("One day I will call on you to do me some service" Uttered in my best Brando persona) but he also provided the photo shoot and the pictures to Maxim for the ad. (Thanks Don, how selfless of you)

I know some of you out there might be fans of the pageant circuit. Some of you might like the Miss Universe, Miss Teen, Miss County, Miss state and even the Miss and Mrs. America stuff. Some of you no doubt have entered you daughters and babies in local affairs called Beauty contests. To you I say that it is your right as an American to have your opinion and I encourage you to do so. If you enjoy this sort of thing, more power to you. If you like to watch, participate, or put your kids in these things, I have no problem with that, its a free country (for now) and this is socially acceptable to most people.

As you may have guessed by my opening commentary, I am not a fan of pageant anythings or beauty contests of any sort. I personally think they are too lame to be entertaining. I find them to be just a wee bit demeaning towards women. I find them a little prehistoric in their nature and think they foster negative things like vanity. (hoping off soapbox now) Now, having said that, I dont think should be be censored or disallowed or anything Puritanical like that, but I do think that if enough people step into modern culture they will fade away due to lack of interest and viewership.

The only purpose I had in posting about this was the comedic irony I found in the fact that what has always billed itself to be the wholesome family values applied pageant has come out of the closet and shown their true colors. This pageant has de-crowned a few winners when it is later discovered that they posed nude, topless, or behaved in some other demeaning manner. But, oh, but now we have The Don as a co-owner, not only giving permission, but providing the pictures. Delicious irony.

The second irony is the American Culture. We as Americans are all but unique in that we sexualize the female breast to begin with. Most other cultures do not view this in such a way. This goes back to our Puritanical roots. ( Hey, I used Puritan references twice in one post, woot!) When you look at this through that lens, it becomes even more ironic. I dont think anyone can look at these photos however and not view them as the classic "sex sells" advertisement scheme. These pictures are sexy and are meant to be sexual.

As far as I am concerned, if these ladies want to strut their stuff to the masses, let them. I wont be watching, but thats just me. Also, they should be aware that in today's market place the pageants target audience is 14 year old pimple faced boys alone in their rooms with the lights out eating Cheetos!!!

As for me, I prefer a strong woman who is happy with who she is and the rest of the world just needs to stay out of her way. I dont much care for the prim and proper kittens who feel the need to overdue the vanity and allow themselves to be used and objectified in such a way.

ruff lately?

In the world of celebrities, it has been rough lately. Whether you like them or not, our culture has suffered the loss of several icons in the last few months. We lost Michael Jackson rather suddenly and his death is still quietly being investigated searching for foul play or incompetence. His life, even in passing, is still shrouded in mystery, speculation, rumor, and family drama. There is even a conflict about who pays some of the HUGE bills associated with his passing. Its insane, but as a culture, we are pretty bi-polar so I shouldn't be surprised.

Then we had the equally as sudden loss of Billy Mays. This is the guy everybody knew, but not everybody knew his name. He was, 'the' pitch man. This man made a living making us know the names of the products he was hocking. It didn't matter if you like the product, or if you liked the guy, you knew the name of what he was selling. Everybody knows Oxyclean, Orange Glo, Kaboom, etc. He passed with much less drama and fanfare, but his loss will be noticed by our culture as another icon passing.

Next you have the sudden tragedy. Steve 'Air' McNair is found dead. His death was sudden due to bullet wounds. Allegedly found in a car with his girlfriend, (not his wife). As far as I have heard, the investigation continues. It is suggested as a murder, suicide. How this happened is not the real issue in the long term. To call him an icon outside the fan base of his team might even be a bit of a stretch, but the sad part is that another football player, another so called roll model for young men, has departed this life violently and with a substantial tarnishing of his name. I hope the families of the young men who followed 'Air' are able to appropriately deal with this situation and guide their sons in the right direction.

The passing of Walter Cronkite was especially sad and poignant. This guy was not just an icon, he was the first and last of his breed. The term 'anchorman' was coined for him, literally. Once he took the helm in the job that most people my age remember him in, the term anchorman came into vogue as the description of what his job was. He took his job serious, he did it wonderfully and honestly. In fact, in many places in Europe, the position he held is named Cronkitors instead of anchors or broadcasters. He is what I would call the last American journalist. The jokers running around today can never compare to him because they are too interested in sharing their opinions and not interested enough in just giving us the facts. In their defense however, part of the issue is systemic. In Cronkites day, there was no such thing as 24 hour news networks. He may be the greatest loss in our society in recent memory, but the fact that there were no more real journalist around to mourn his passing is even a greater tragedy.

And the one you missed. The Taco Bell dog, Gidget, has passed. Gidget was euthanized last month. Gidget was the logo dog and spokes dog for Taco Bell until a lawsuit was brought against them. The lawsuit was lost by Taco Bell to the tune of over 30 million dollars. Gidget on the other hand lived a fat and sassy life until the end. Gidget was the icon of her day. One thing that does stand out though is that I have always wondered why advertisers use girl dogs and give them boy names and boy voices. I guess its just not for me to understand these things.


If all this trauma to our culture wasn't enough devastation, another era has ended. This time not with a death however, but with a retirement. John Madden has retired. The Turkey Bowl will never be the same. I may just have to find something else to do on Thanksgiving since I wont get to hear his voice anymore. John Madden, former Raiders coach and the voice of the NFL for something like 35 years has decided to spend some time with his wife and his grand kids. John, you will be missed, but please please please get your butt home and off that bus and enjoy those grand kids.

That's all I got to say about that..............

The great adventures of Tickle and Fritz....

Let me start by first explaining the background, who are Tickle and Fritz? Angie and I made some great friends during our great adventure of adopting in China. Gracie, as some of you may know was one of 10 little ladies who were adopted in our travel group. We call these ladies, Hunan Sisters. One of these sisters is named Lia. Lia's parents recently moved from Missouri to Kansas as part of a job situation. They have lived in Kansas for around 2 years I think. Lia's dad, Todd, has just received a new job offer. The trick with this new job is that it requires them moving again, temporarily. Todd has accepted a job as a teacher in South Korea. This is a wonderful opportunity for the entire family, but it does require that they move quickly as they only have a few weeks left before they leave for a year. The job is only for a year, maybe two. They needed to rent out their home for that year, sell their car, move their stuff, etc etc. They have been a busy family for the last several weeks. Well the situation is now that they have rented the house and the legal mumbo jumbo is working itself out so they are winding down and packing and storing and the like. One if the items that required attention however was their dog, Fritz. They have had Fritz for something less than a year, but plenty long enough for him to become a loving part of their family. The two kids, Lia and her brother Zach, have grown quit attached to Fritz. The family decided to try and find Fritz a temporary home, somebody to watch and love him until they returned. Here is where our family enters the picture. Our family discussed the notion of helping out. We love our Hunan friends and really wanted to be able to assist in some small way as they depart on this great mission. (did I mention this was an English speaking Christian Academy in Seoul?) I talked things over with Gracie a few times and Gracie seemed really excited and wanted to help out "my Sister". I loved the way Gracie became so passionate about it. So, we contacted Kim and Todd and through much discussion worked out arrangements. We were told that when Lia found out that her Gracie was going to look after her Fritz, she felt much better about it.

Now here is the plan. The two dads were going to drive and meet up someplace near the middle of our two homes. This meant meeting in Mt. Vernon Illinois. (We live in Maineville Ohio, they live in Kansas) We picked a time of convenience and the road trip was set. In the mean time, I had an idea. An idea that become a little more complicated than I originally intended, but that is live after all. I suggested to Gracie that she might want to send something of hers to Lia for Lia to look after and care for while she took care of Fritz. Gracie immediately dumped out a bucket of pound puppies and started to sort through them. She settled on one named Tickle. Now I didn't see the rest coming, because I never see her play with Tickle, but suddenly Tickle is her prize possession. She started to tear up almost immediately when she said I should take Tickle, but she wanted to spend some time with him first and say goodbye since she was going to miss him so. I was caught off guard at this because I don't think Tickle had been out of his bucket in months. Over the next several days Tickle becomes the omnipresent item in our home. Wherever Gracie is, there is Tickle. Every night ends with a little sadness and weeping as she expressed her concerns about missing her Tickle. This was getting just a bit weird at this point. I got lucky with a conversation at this point. The mind of a Gracie is an interesting place to be sometimes. I finally figured it out, ( at least that's my story and I am sticking to it). Gracie was learning to understand the only way she knew how what her 'sister' must be feeling about Fritz. As the time to depart drew nearer the emotional roller coaster began to settle down a bit. I had told her that Tickle would have a great adventure and the Lia would be more than happy to care for her while Gracie was caring and loving on her Fritz. So, I developed a dad plan. You know those dad plans where we decide to do something terribly odd for our kids to make them feel better, yeah, a dad plan. They are not to well thought out, but usually they end up being priceless. I decided I was going to make frequent stops along my 300 mile journey to pick up Fritz, and I would carry Tickle with me as my travelling companion, and photo document our journey to Mt. Vernon. I would then turn over responsibility of Tickle to another dad who would take Tickle to Kansas and then to Seoul. It was a dad plan. ( I did leave Todd an out though, in case he didn't think it was a good plan, I could have taken Tickle back home and explained to Gracie that Tickle didn't have a passport and therefore was not allowed to go to Korea, but Todd agreed with the dad plan and all was well) When Todd returned home Lia was presented with Tickle and she was happy to have her. When I returned home, Gracie dropped to the floor and loved on Fritz and asked him if he was sad and then told him it was okay because she would take care of him until he got to go home, but this would be his summer home until then........ (aaaww, sniff sniff)

Well, now you have the background of the story. I will now begin to share with you the adventures of Tickle and Fritz, starting with our Journey to Mt. Vernon.

I got up early last Saturday morning and packed a cooler with 3 bottles of Mountain Dew and a big bag of Peanut M&M's. I put the cooler in the front seat and I placed a package for Todd and Kim in the trunk as well as a picture Gracie had made for Lia. I grabbed a hat because it was supposed to rain, and I grabbed my camera as well. I checked my wallet and made sure I had money, and I also made sure I had a cup and my can of Apple Skoal. I went in and kissed Angie on the head and hugged and kissed my Gracie and I was off to Mt. Vernon at 8AM sharp. As I am backing down the driveway I hear the weeping begin again. Gracie is weeping for Tickle, or for her Sister, or for Fritz, or all of the above I think. Gracie was sad. I then realized I had forgotten the towel and water bowl for the trip and had to run back in and get it. Gracie soon calmed down and everything was just fine, she had a fun day with mom and a birthday party on top of it. Now I have a bowl for water in case Tickle gets thirsty on the way there, or Fritz gets thirsty on the way back. The great puppy exchange has begun.

I am making good time and have an arrival time planned of about 1:30 which allows me time to make frequent stops. This is necessary for Tickles adventures and the fact that my bladder will hold exactly 10 ounces, which is two stops per bottle of Mountain Dew. The first stop is just north of Louisville.

Much to my surprise, Tickle informs me that she is thirsty but she doesn't want to use that ol' water bowl. She wants to get a fresh drink from a water fountain. As luck would have it, this rest stop has one of those old stone fountains right out in front. Tickle filled up and was feeling much better.

Now that she was refreshed Tickle wanted to explore a little and wanted to check out the sign posted at this rest area.

She also requested that we hang out at the picnic table and stretch our paws for a while before taking back to the road. Tickle likes to just sit and people watch when she has the chance.

Tickle then decided to go check out the map and see just how far from home we had come, and just how much farther we had to go. I had to use the facility at this point so Tickle took it upon herself to make a friend and request some assistance in viewing the map. She found a really nice lady who was willing to pick her up and let her get a good look at where we were.

Tickle was so excited that she wanted to phone home and tell everyone all about it, but she forgot and left her change in her other coat, oh well. I let her use my cell phone later in the car.

Our next stop was in the Vincennes district of Indiana. Tickle climbed up the pole to get a better look at the wonderful garden they had there. We didn't stay long because a lightening storm was coming up fast and it had already started to sprinkle. Tickle made discrete use of the bush at the bottom of the pole and we were off. ( Just as a side note, this rest stop had a guy staffing it who was standing outside the front door. This gentlemen never said a word, but he stared and stared at us the whole time we were wondering around here)

Tickle thinks she likes to ride on the cooler because it lets her see out the window better. I wonder why, there is nothing to see but empty fields and orange road cones.

We have now arrived at Skeeter Mountain in Indiana. I didn't know they had mountains in Indiana, but here we are. Tickle took a quick romp through the flower beds while I stretched my legs.

"Hey, that guy with the tattoo looks friendly, maybe I could make a new friend and you could take my picture with him, whadayathink?"

Tickle and her new friend at the Skeeter Mountain rest area. ( I was standing out in front when this couple walked up and I asked them if one of them could do me a really quick tiny little favor. This guys wife gave me that 'your creepy' look and walked on, but this guy asked what he could do and walked over towards us. I explained the situation briefly about my travel companion, and he said," oh, like on the commercial, sure hows this" Perfect. I hope this guy is not in the witness protection program. So far the people in Kentucky and Indiana have been wonderful)

It is now 1:32 in the afternoon and I have traveled for 306 miles with Tickle. We have arrived in Mt. Vernon right on schedule. Tickle helps me fill up the tank and we debate about what to eat. Tickle wants Steak n Shake, I want Hardees. We compromise and decide to eat at both places and just share our food. I decide I had better call Todd to let him know what we are doing and that I am parked in front of Hardees. I had made one unfortunate mistake at this point however. I had forgotten to account for the time zone change. So while it was 1:35 now, it was only 12:35 in Illinois. Oops!. I had an hour to kill, no big deal. Tickle said she tried to tell me we had plenty of time, but I wasn't listening. She said something about men not listening, but I don't recall exactly what it was she said. I spoke with Todd and he said he was running a bit behind so Tickle and I could take our time and enjoy the lovely sights of Mt. Vernon.

We proceed into Hardee's. Tickle and I both begin to people watch and take in the local culture. This is your typical Hardee's, that is to say its a dump. This particular dump is a highly diverse and multi cultural dump at the crossroads of several interchanges. This is the point where 64 running east and west from Louisville to St. Louis meets up with another highway running north and south from Chicago to I think Memphis. This being a major crossroads there are lots of hotels, gas stations and restaurants, but there are also a lot of travellers like ourselves, so its a great spot to people watch. The first observance is that Tickle and I got our order correct from the 12 year olds who were working the counter, however, we were the only ones who got what we asked for. A nice to listen too British lady was talking to her grandbabies about how grandpapa would go back and get their order fixed in just a minute. A not so nice large Russian women was less than polite to the kid when she went postal about her fries not being the right size. (Day vear, very nice, Evening vear, very nice, Svim vear, very nice ) The manager seemed to be a short tempered mafia type with a few teeth missing up front. I think she was the female version of Fredo, but maybe we should just eat and move on to across the street.

On the way to Steak n Shake Tickle took off towards this Red Roof Inn. She said, she wanted to nap, could we rent a room for an hour. I told Tickle there was no way in this life I was going to go into a hotel and ask if I could rent a room for an hour with my little dog. Was just not going to happen. Tickle wanted to know why. I pointed out that the sign stated that the lobby entrance was in the back. This was not a good sign and we would not be going there. When the sign even warns you of rear entry, its just not a good place. I drove past later and it had bars on the window, another sign that this is not someplace I need to be.

Tickle and I ordered some cheese fries and an orange freeze. In typical Steak n Shake fashion, this took 30 minutes to arrive, but we still had time to kill so no big deal. The longer we sat there, the more agitated Tickle became. I asked her what was bothering her and she told me she had something she needed to do. I said, okay, what is it. She informed me that it was just appalling how some of her compatriots were treated and she felt the need to assist them, and she needed to do it right now.

So, we went off to pay our bill and while I was dealing with the 'challenged at making change' person at the counter Tickle disappeared. I found her a few moments later stuffing dollar bills into a grab it machine and screaming into the glass box. "come towards the light Sponge Bob, come towards the light....." and also " leave the cat, the rest of you follow me......follow me to Freedom........." ( for those who missed it, that was a lame reference to Poltergeist and then a lame reference to the best ever ESPN commercial) ( While I was taking this picture, the line of people waiting to be seated was watching me and I heard on granny type lady snort and giggle but when I turned around they were all looking at the ceiling, I looked up there too but I didnt see anything)

Now that we have filled our bellies, Tickle wants to go explore the area some more. There is not much to look at except for hotels and gas stations so we go looking at the hotels. Tickle wants to go in one and check out the lobby so I drive around to find one to appease her nagging. (what is it with women and nagging) Okay, first I drive down the end of the lane and check out the Motel 6. As I loop around the building I look at the people I see. The first on is a skinny little blond lady with stringy greasy hair, tattoos on her arms, no front teeth and a marlboro sticking out her mouth, as well as she is wearing a dirty white wife beater shirt with no bra and has the "tennis ball in the sock appearance" going for her. I then say a Hispanic gentlemen with a hair net and a cigar with an apron on and another gentleman with black socks and sandles. None of this is all that bad until you recognize that this is the employed staff. I kept driving. I then found a super 8 with bars on the windows, not going in there either. We already discussed the Red Roof Inn and their lobby entrance in back so not going there. Now let me drive across the street to the Drury Inn. These are usually nice, its right out front and looks clean from here, I should have a nice lobby for Tickle to explore. Once I figured out that the hotel was right up front but the driveway was way in back I got over there only to find that there were not many cars there. I pulled up into its breezeway and walked in the front door expecting to be in a nice lobby. Much to our surprise, another glass door. This glass door needs a pass card to open. How does someone get in? Well I assume you must first pay at the little postage stamp size window in the corner, but we left before trying to figure that out. Finally we decide to go into the Days Inn lobby. This hotel looks clean, no bars, no need to have a pass key or carry a bat to get in. As Tickle and I walk up to the door I notice that there is a women with a mixing bowl sitting at a little table eating cheerios at 3 in the afternoon. Strange, but whatever. I see a normal looking guy reading the paper in the corner, okay, no big deal. I walk up to the counter in the smallish lobby and start looking for a sign to take Tickles picture next to. About this time Tickle realizes something I dont and jumps down into my pocket. I am standing in front of the counter by a bell that says "ring bell for assistance" when a women of Indian decent walks up. She looks at me and asks if she can help me. I said, no not really, I just wanted to see if I could take a picture here of me and my travelling companion. She stared but did not speak. I exlained that my daughter had sent me along with a little dog named Tickle ( who is fighting me to stay put in my pocket) so I can take pictures of our travels for her to look at. (after being bit twice I pull Tickle up out of my pocket and set her on the counter next to the button) I asked , again, if I could just take a picture of Tickle on the counter next to her bell. She is still staring, I hear crickets, (chirp chirp chirp) I say, I will just take the picture and be out of your way. (chirp chirp chirp) CAN I TAKE THE PICTURE? Yes, she said. I take the picture, (chirp chirp chirp) and we are outa there. The lady is dumping more cheerios out of the little boxes into her bowl. I feel like we have entered the twighlight zone so we are off to the car to wait for Todd and Fritz.

Todd and Fritz have arrived. Tickle meets Todd, Tickle meets Fritz, and a nice meeting is had by all. Fritz wonders around a while and stretches his paws. He chats with Tickle for a while while Todd and I trade items from trunk to trunk. It is now about 4 oclock my time, 3 oclock local time. After no further ado, Tickle hops in the car with Todd and is off to meet Lia and plan her trip with them to Seoul. Fritz finds a nice comfy spot in my car and we are off towards Maineville. Todd and I exchanged some dad like chatter and the switch has been made.

The trip home was uneventful. Fritz insisted on stopping twice and walking around a bit. He talked to me a few times along the way, but by and large he was a quiet boy. Once we arrived in Ohio back at the homestead Gracie was eagerly awaiting the arrival of Fritz. Gracie and Fritz greeted, and then Bo and Fritz greeted. Bo and Fritz were a little unsure at first, but since neither one of them can see (Bo has no eyes, and Fritz has little vision) they just took their time sniffing. Once the sniff dance was over, all is well. Later that night Fritz was happy to sleep with Gracie for a while, and as you can tell Gracie is thrilled to take care of Fritz, "for my sister"

I will continue to chronicle the adventures of Tickle and Fritz and post pictures here and on Facebook so Lia can check in on her dog, and Todd and Kim have assured me they will post pictures from Seoul as well. I tried to get a picture of Fritz meeting Tucker, but it went by too fast to get, I will try again later.

Until later.................

put your behind in your past........

Okay, I am behind on posting anything. I have become behind because there has not been any one event worth a post, but I have been buried with lots of things going on.

First lets talk about Gracie. She is learning to ride without training wheels. She decided that she wanted to do this about two weeks ago. She asked me to take the wheels off because all the other kids had theirs off and she was a big girl too, so I needed to take hers off as well. This should mean she is ready, right? Right? RIGHT??

Not so much...........

My poor daughter doesn't even know what the word balance means. She still rides her little scooter with one foot on the ground all the time. I used this as one of a hundred different ways to try and teach her what balance meant. I suggested that she pick up her foot and once she was moving keep her other leg up off the ground and just let the scooter roll. She then responded with , " sure daddy, like this?" She then proceeded to pull her pushing foot off the ground and bent it at the knee and stuck it off in the air to her left side until she lost her balance and stomped it back to the ground to push again and repeated this about 6 times. " like that daddy?"

No, not like that, she looked like a drunk monkey ninja trying to snap kick imaginary dwarf testicles and stomp on chicken toes as she lumbered down the sidewalk. It was the goofiest darn thing I had ever seen in my life.

Not like that sweety. I tried to explain it again, complete with visuals as best as I could. The result was pretty near the same. This time she just didn't bend her knee as much and just stuck her leg straight out in front of her like a jousting spear.

We moved on to the bike again.

She gets sooooooooooooooo very frustrated with the whole thing, but to give her credit, she just refuses to give up. She will not say, enough is enough for today, let try again tomorrow. She wants to go until she gets it.

I have tried every method I have ever heard of or could make up on the fly. We have gone up and down hills, I have held her shoulders, her seat, her back, her handlebars, her head and even held nothing at all. We have done the street, the sidewalk and the grass. We have gone fast, slow and standing still. We have done short runs, and all the way around the neighborhood. I have run out of gas and ideas.

Enter the teens.

I just happened to have a guest the other evening. One of Gracie's bestest teenager girlfriends. A young lady from the old neighborhood. She offered to help, and off they went. 20 minutes later she comes in with the diagnosis of OMG, its hopeless. She wont go fast enough is the opinion. I agree, but I also know she rides her training wheels with such a starboard list that she cant get fast before falling down. I feel more discouraged than ever. Next comes this Saturday and Gracie's bestest teenager girlfriend babysitter from church. They decide to have a go. Things got a little better. This report came in that Gracie rode four of five pedals all on her own without falling over. This is HUGE progress. So, Sunday evening, I wanted to reinforce what Gracie had learned. Gracie might have learned something, but I still haven't. She still is about as balanced as one armed clothes hanger. She did inform me, (over and over again) that I was doing it wrong, but she couldn't get across to me what her bestest friend from church was doing that helped. I need reinforcements to come back, and soon.

The best part, or worst part, is that once she gets it, I will need a bike too. I cant keep up with her otherwise. My rather girthy self hasnt fit on a bike since I was about 12, so this should be entertaining all in itself.

As for the other goings on, I will save them for later posts...........

A bird or a message?

The other morning at work, Monday me thinks, around 7 or maybe 9 A.M. I was walking to the front of the shop near the break/lunch area and something moving caught my eye. It was something moving someplace where nothing should be moving. Something was a foot, or more to the precise point, something was a flutter. A young bird was in the shop. It had just wiggled its way out if its nest up in the vent intake to the building. Instead of going outside where it belonged, it turned inside and fluttered to the shop floor. Now first off this seems strange because it come inside to where it was dark instead of going outside into the bright morning sun. This young bird was trying to fly and any minute now it might get the hang of it, but more than likely it was just going to bang off stuff until it got itself hurt. In nature there are no roofs, and the ground outdoors isn't usually covered with sharp metal shavings. The inside of a machine shop was no place for a young bird to learn to fly. This was not the place where he should have come, he took a wrong turn and without some help he wasn't most likely going to make it.

I, being the first on the scene and the shop foreman decided that it should be my responsibility to protect the bird from this hostile environment, and to protect the employees from any calamity the discombobulated bird might cause. So, to this important task I assigned my silly self. I approached the bird at a casual walking pace and the bird fled from me. There were two other employees milling around (machine shop pun, sorry) in the area. Initially they both offered me some assistance in a least keeping track of the bird. After a few moments I think it become obvious to all of us that the more people involve the more bird tried to flee into small dark inaccessible corners. My assistants left me to my work of tracking the bird.

The shop is full of dock doors that provided ample opportunity for the bird to make an exit out into the light of the day, but the more I tried to corral the bird towards the light, the more the bird scurried and fluttered away under tables, under shelves, in corners any small little cramped dark space it felt safe from me. I realized that although I was doing my best and putting forth great effort early this morning to help save this poor bird, the bird was more frightened of my large imposing presents that it was afraid of the place it was in. The bird, having a bird brain of course, could not reason or understand the danger it was in. I knew it was in immanent danger, but the bird only sensed the danger that it felt I presented. I knew the bird needed saved from its situation, but the bird had no idea. Do you have any idea how hard it is to save something that doesn't want saved?

I was relentless in my pursuit of the little bird. The more I pursued it however the more diligently it fled. At one point I was able to get close enough to it that we looked each other in the eye. I spoke softly, smooth gentle whispers hoping not to frighten it further. I could see the fear it had in its eyes. It was terrified of me. I knew it was safe, but it didn't know that I wasn't the danger. The bird backed out of the tight little corner it got itself into and then attempted another flight. This time it made it airborne and half way across the shop. It was headed towards the light coming from the 3 open dock doors on the other side of the shop. I felt hopeful that it would make it out this time, but just before it got to the door it veered a hard left and crashed into a pile of plastic stock we have in the corner.

The bird worked itself up into the random pile of plastic pieces trying to hide from me. I again walked towards it. This time I decided that I had had enough of chasing after it and I approached with a different plan. This time I was going to use its fear of me to my advantage. I approached from the open side of the corner it had got itself trapped in. When I did this it pushed further up into its little dark place. I then moved some of the plastic pieces. This time however I did not move things so the the bird could get free on its own and hope it went towards the doors. This time I placed more obstacles around it. I moved things around to trap the bird and prevent it from fleeing anymore. The more I moved things the less room the bird had to maneuver. In a moment or two I had the bird pinned down and the obstacles were so massive and so close the bird had no place to go, it was stuck and trapped by me. The eyes were fixed on me as it struggled even harder to push against the bonds that held it in place, but the walls would not move. It just starred at me like it was hoping I would just go away and leave it alone there. If I did so, it would surely die right there trapped amongst the plastic stock in a dark little place. By now I couldn't blame it for being scared, I was so much bigger than it was, I was almost unimaginably large. I watched it struggle for a moment as I caught my breath from chasing this small creature around for the last 10 minutes. Then I carefully reached my hand down and softly, but firmly grasped this young feathered friend. As I lifted it up out of its situation I kinda hoped it would realize that I meant it no harm. This was not the case however, the bird had been silent up till now, but now it was screaming. It screamed for all it was worth, I imagine I got a good cursing in bird language. I did not let even this deter me from my mission however. I walked over to the most remote dock door, the safest place I could find and with a gentle toss, sent it on its way outside. Now that it was out in the light of day, with no roof and minimal obstacle, it attempted to fly again. Upon the second or third attempt I saw it gain altitude and make its way out to where it belongs. It was now free and safe. I wonder if it still thinks I was the danger?

I then needed to go wash my hands, because who knows what kind of cooties the bird may have had on it, but once I got washed up, all was well.

The above is a too detailed description of an actual event in my life this week.

(Too deep? comment request, if you read it, tell me if you get it)