OH MY

I must start this post with the PSA. Please remove all food and drinks from you immediate vicinity. If you find this one third as funny as I did it is guaranteed to put coke on your keyboard and Funions on your flat screen.

You were warned.

Well Tuesday nights are when momma has bible study class and Gracie and daddy have the night to themselves. We have dinner at home this week and then Gracie decides she wants to go get 'pink'. 'Pink' if you recall is a sno cone from the sno shack in the old neighborhood. This dessert requires about a 20 minute drive and so we are off. Only moments after getting in the car at 6:30 PM Gracie informs me that she doesn't want to talk too much, she just wants to talk sometimes. I said, fine honey. She then began talking and didn't breath again for 3 hours. My little Chinese chatterbox was once again on a roll. The Hunan hurricane was coming ashore with some high winds this evening. I will now attempt to post the bulk of the next conversation as best as I can recall it.

"Daddy, can I have my bible school songs on?"

"Sure honey" ( I turn on her CD, its always her CD in the player anymore, saves time that way)

--Gracie sings "C-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n"

--Gracie sings "All the little children, all the little children of the woooooorrlldddddd"

"Dadddy, if I die will Jesus come to get me?"

(oh brother, here we go)

"Yes sweetie, he will come to get you?"

"Did Jesus die for us because he loved us.............on the cross?"

"yes baby"

"Did his Daddy put him in bed when he died?"

(this is a new one, its hard trying to explain things to a 4 year old, you have to answer and the answer has to be right, but it cant be too complicated, I missed this one on the too complicated side)

"Put him in bed? No, He died and a few days later he arose from the dead to show that he had conquered death and that we will live forever with Him in heaven. God brought Him home to heaven just like Jesus will bring us home to Him. Its something that's hard to understand, but the word is Resurrection." (too much, I know)

"Re, Re, Re- sue wreck shawn"

"yes sweetie"

"When Jesus wakes us up, will we go to heaven too?"

"yes, of course"

"No, I don't want to go, not if they don't have a bathroom, what if I have to go potty"

(I have no idea where she gets the potty thing, this is the second time down this road so for now I remain unflapped)

"Sweety, anything you would ever want or need, you will have in heaven" (good daddy answer, stick with it)

"Will I have food, strawberries, bananas, apples, and grapes?"

"Sweety, anything you would ever want or need, you will already have in heaven, its all there for you" (stick with it)

"I need my favorite stuff, (or stuss as she says because she has yet to use the letter F_) Will I have my B (blanket) my bitty (stuffed dog), my Mulan, my two purses (Vera's both of them), my sunglasses the pink ones and the ones with the white polki dots, my homework (bag of paper and receipts that should have been tossed but she likes them), my princess pillow, my monies (coins and pesos), my toys, and my guitar?" I am sure I missed a few because this drug along for some time.

"Sweety, anything you would ever want or need will be there" ( I know you cant take it with you but this answer is true enough without causing the Hunan winds to pick up any velocity)

"Good, when I get there, I want to give Jesus a present"

"Really, what would you like to give Jesus sweety?" (Daddy is know hoping to be the proud daddy but a little leery of what might come out next)

"I want to give him an instrument, or maybe two, since He only has one, He needs more than one. When he wakes us up with trumpets (the one instrument) I want to give Him some maraca's and an accordion"

::: You were warned::::

"I just bet Jesus would love to have some more instruments baby, that is very nice of you"

"Daddddy, know what other present I want to give to Jesus?"

"I couldn't even guess, please Gracie, what other present do you want to give Him"

"I want to give Him a big hug"

"That is very nice Gracie, I know He would love a big hug from you"(proud daddy moment arrives, briefly)

"I want to give Him a big hug because He loves me and I love him (sniff, sniff on my part) I want to give Him a high five too. But, but, I don't think I want to let Him kiss me. I don't think I like kisses from Him, is it okay if I just give him a big hug and big high five, but no kissed, I don't think I like kissed, no, no Jesus kisses, is that okay that I don't want His kisses?"

"Well, (struggle, struggle) I think He would like to kiss you, but He is pretty understanding so I think maybe just a really big hug would be okay"

"and a really big high five"

Okay, conversation over, she is still talking for hours, but we have moved on to what I cant recall, but these things blow past as fast as they blow in.

I love the way her mind works but I have to admit a few things here. This conversation has permanently disturbed my rather cliche' pop culture imagery of the second coming. I have this nice little visual of a man, with long dark hair and a well groomed goatee, and a flowing white rob traipsing amongst the clouds on a white stead with trumpets blaring announcing the arrival of the King. Her insertion of maraca's and an accordion has created a new and disturbing visual for me. I now have two conflicting visual abnormalities that I cant get out of my head.

One, Jesus is now wearing a burlap poncho with many bright colors and has short black hair and a handle bar moustache a la Poncho Villa. He is also wearing a sombrero and the maracas are playing salsa music at the second coming. Now that is disturbing.

Two, Jesus is now wearing lederhosen and a little black fedora like hat while riding a donkey and the accordion is playing the chicken dance at the second coming. Now, this is just too disturbing.

Thus ends another evening with Gracie, the little girl after Gods own heart. (but no kisses please)