Morning people..... this morning was one of those mornings. Let me give you a peek into my brain today. ( fear not, I will keep it PG-13 )
4:45 AM : alarm goes off. I have two alarms set, my cell phone and a radio alarm clock. This is the radio playing something brain damaging from the 80's. I awake , song is instantly stuck in my head. I think to myself, this is going to be a good day, I am wide awake without struggling so I will hit snooze, take a few good deep breaths to get the oxygen going and turn off the alarm. I can't see the clock so I reach for what I think is the right button and just keep pushing until the sound dies. There, now I will get up.
5:00 AM : Cell phone alarm goes off, and wakes me up. Oupps. I fell back asleep somehow. Well, that is why I use multiple alarms. Well, lets do this again, deep breaths to get oxygen going, in .... out........in.........out........in...........out.............................in....................................out....
5:10 AM : Cell phone alarm goes off, and wakes me up, AGAIN. Dang, I thought I got up last time. I squeeze the life out of the cell phone until that stupid ring tone stops. This time I sit up. Well, this is the time I actually need to get up so all is well. Gracie has crawled in bed during the night and is pressed against me. Echo, our dog, follows Gracie everywhere so she is next to me as well. The bed is so warm and snugly. But I am sitting up, so it is time to get up.
5:20 AM : Cell phone alarm goes off again, and wakes me up, again. Now wait just a minute here, I was sitting up, how did I get back under the covers? (deep sigh ) I was awake and jolly at 4:45 now I am crossed eyed, sleepy, and running behind. Uhgggg. I stand up, surely I can't sleep standing up.
I put on my work shirt and pull up my work pants, shove my cell phone in my pocket and grab a pair of socks. I stagger into the bathroom for the obligatory morning sink the sailor session. ( for those unfamiliar with that phrase, it means to engage in the morning pee while the toilet is in the middle of a flush. Its much more fun to pee into spinning water while humming ' yo ho ho its a pirates life for me')
Now while I was singing and peeing, I managed to drop my socks in the sink. Why the sink still had a little water in it I don't know, but just let me tell you, I hate putting on socks only to find out they are wet in spots. ICKY. Now, the next thing that needs accomplished, after the pee, is to zip and button the work pants. This is more of an adventure than it needed to be, allow me to elaborate.
Every once in a while you go to zip up your pants only to find that somehow the zipper had turned itself straight down and gotten wedged in the bottom of the opening. Best case scenario, you have to engage in that awkward fishing maneuver to attempt to wiggle out the top of the zipper so you can zip your pants, worse case......... pliers. I managed to get the zipper unstuck. All is well, right? No, now I must button my pants. Inhale, squeeze button through hole, exhale, duck. Why duck you ask? Duck because when I exhaled, my button flew off the pants, bounced around in the dark. The splash at the end told me of the final resting place of the button. (Yo ho ho, its a pirates life for me. )
Well 5:25 AM and I have to change pants. I am almost able to focus now, pants off, pants on. ( You should have heard that said in the voice of Miyagi ) Zipper works this time, button works as well. As I walk down the stairs I am able to smooth out my now wadded up boxers and flatten the legs as well as remove them from their curled up my crack position. I accomplish this as I am going down the steps ( master of multitasking am I. ( you should have heard that in the voice of Yoda )). I notice now that my socks are still wet. Why did I not change socks when I changed pants? How easy would socks off, socks on have been ? ( Miyagi again ) I don't know but its 5:27 AM now so wet socks will dry.
Shoes on, accoutrement's collected, teeth brushed and in car by 5:31 AM.
I open garage door, look to make sure its open and all the way up, back out, watch door close. beep beep..... whats that? My cell phone just beeped to tell me something, but what !! Oh, I left my blue tooth in the house. Garage door open, garage door closed. ( Miyagi again )
Finally I am on the way.
I love to drive on wet roads when its no longer raining.
Why ?
Puddles. Rain makes puddles, I love the sound of tires splashing puddled water. Bonus points for soaking an early morning jogger.
Yo ho ho its a pirates life for me........
sing it with me......
Yo ho ho its a pirates life for me, yo ho ho even a pirate has to pee......
