You ain't gonna believe this

This is going to be one of those stories where you just shake your head and think, there is no way that really happens, but trust me, it happens, at least in my world.

Gracie turned six on Saturday and for her party we had 5 little girls over for a sleep over. One of the younger ones only made it to 11 of so,but that was by plan, she didn't want to stay all night. As a whole, the girls were actually really good. There was 6 or so hours of running and loud giggling that took place, but no major drama, not one scrappin fight, and only minor issues your just gonna have with that many little ones running loose.

I did my part by ordering the pizza, serving it and the kool aid and then cleaning up, making the popcorn and hot chocolate, serving it and then cleaning up, and the next morning, I made scrambled eggs and biscuits. I also started the movie when it was time. Angie did her part in crowd control, activity leadership, and did manicures and provided the adult supervision all evening. Angie had the unfortunate task of sleeping on the couch with the girls strewn in sleeping bags all over the living room floor.

As I already mention, all was going well. Sleep arrived shortly after the movie was over and only a few muffled giggles were heard past this point, the girls had had a busy evening and were tired and ready for some shut eye. I had taken Fritz, the dog, to the basement with me and I was going to sleep on the clic-clack down here so I could hear the footsteps above me and be available if needed. Then it starts.

About 1 AM Fritz pushes me just a little too far and I need to get up. Fritz has effectively hogged the bed and I am out of room, Rather than readjust him, I choose just to roll out and let him get good and asleep first. I figure in half an hour or so, I will just crawl back in, or use the other clic-clack and all will be well. I come over here and just try to kill a few minutes on the computer while I wait my next move. While here I notice I keep hearing feet upstairs. After feet I hear flushing. This happens a few times, but then I notice a difference. At first it was feet, flush, feet flush, feet flush. But not any longer, now its feet, flush, flush, flush, flush. The only reason I even notice is because the drainage pipe for the toilets runs down the inside of the wall right behind my computer. Why is someone flushing repetitively? ( I will soon have an answer)

I hear feet again. This time I hear feet that are plodding with a purpose. I then hear the door open at the top of the stairs, the door closes and the feet start coming down the steps, one deliberate step at a time. I need to point out that the only light is the light from the monitor, because, as I said, I was trying to sleep down here. Next I hear the word, "Daddy?"

Yes love....

Daddy, I had an accident and I tried to clean it up, but you need to see it..........

Okay baby, what happened.........

I had a big poop accident, it got on my night gown, I cleaned it up, but I did this.........

( okay, right now my daughter is standing in front of me with her brand new birthday present night gown on and tucked into her panties, but she puts her hand out to hand me something and instinctively when my daughter reaches towards me and tells me I need to do or see something I reach out and take what she has. What my little love has just handed me is the panties she was wearing a few minutes and six flushes ago. As I take the panties from her I immediately notice an issue, the panties are first warm, second, damp, third, stanky, and fourth (get this) they weigh like 5 pounds. My daughter laid some hug logs in her drawers and brought the whole load down from the upstairs bathroom all the way to the basement just to show it to me. I now am holding a 5 pound gift of crap filled Littlest Pet Shop panties in the palm of my hand. Nice. Well, whats a dad to do. As I struggle through the shock of this palm full of love, I look up into Gracie's face and her face is not happy. Its sleepy and on the verge of melt down, so I cant react harshly, I just plop the poop on my desk and move on.)

Gracie, lets see what we have here and lets get it fixed up okay?

Okay Daddy, I tried to fix it myself, but..........

Gracie, let me check out the night gown and panties.

She had skid marks up past her crack and poop on her sleeve, wiping hand of course, so the gown was done. She also had put her waist into the leg hole of the second set of panties, they were done also. So I pick up my prize and Gracie and I quietly walk upstairs, I take the lump o' love out to the garbage can on the way and we go up and get cleaned up, new gown, new panties again, and kill a wash rag as well. Now Gracie needs some more love and attention so at her request I end up retrieving Fritz from the basement and the three of us make it to my bedroom and sack out in a ball in our bed. Fritz and Gracie were none the worse for wear when morning came, but mommy and daddy have fried egg eyes and sore bodies today.

Gracie pulled through her whole day the next day like a good little soldier. She had a game to cheer at, and she went and did her best. After the game and things were calmer I asked how it happened and she said she pulled her panties up before she was done and then she felt them and they were squishy. I also asked why she brought them to the basement, she said since she had a problem and needed my help, she just wanted to show me what the problem was.

Cant argue with the logic,

Gracie is 6 today

Gracie is 6 today. I could tell stories about each of the 2190 days, I could reminisce about the 131400 hours (give or take a few hundred hours), I could at least comment on each of the below pictures. I will refrain, the pictures tell a story all their own. There is a small gap in them but in general I think you get the idea.

You've come a long long way baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The amount of growth , physically, emotionally, spiritually, oh I just cant get the words out. My little girl is a first grader and she is just so cool.

Gracie ROCKS!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to my favorite flying flapa sar us, Love you sweetness..............

Daddy

Sure ways to drive your spouse nuts.

Ladies, stop reading now.

NO, seriously, stop reading now.

Okay, I know women have difficulty listening, but your gonna regret it if you keep going.

Last time ladies, I will say it slow 'cause I know you can't hear fast,

S-t-o-p r-e-a-d-i-n-g n-o-w.

Well guys, its just us now.

Have you ever just been in that ornery mood and just wanted to watch you wife's head spin in circles while her body stands still? Ever wanted to do this and live to tell about it? I have a few suggestions for you. Its all harmless and money back guaranteed.

1. First, you have a plunger in your house and odds are its been around a while. Now is the time to buy a new one, but make sure it looks just like the old trusty one you've had around for years. Now, keep this prized purchase to yourself, and keep it in the garage or someplace out of sight for now. Sooner or later you gonna have another one of those events when you wife calls and informs you that your last mud snake has stopped up the toilet again. (ever notice its always the guy who gets blamed for this?) As a dutiful husband should, you grasp your trusty plunger from its proud position of honor and attend to the task at hand. A few good shoves and the mud snake is gone swimming with the fishes down the drain. As most guys know, there is usually a little bit of residue left behind on the plunger, some toilet paper Klingon's and some mud snake skid marks are common. What most of us guys will do is stick it back in the clean toilet and give it another flush or two, or if the wife isn't playing foreman and watching your efforts, we might stick it in the shower for a quick hose down. This is required before returning the plunger to its pedestal. Oh, but not this time, this time is the last time you will use this plunger. Here is what you do. Take the plunger out to the trash, discreetly. Dispose of the tool honorably. Now walk back into the house quietly, and stick the NEW NEVER BEEN USED plunger in the dishwasher without saying a word. Turn the dishwasher on and go about your business. Sooner or later she is gonna open the dishwasher and find the plunger. She will not know its brand new, she will think you just ............ well.......... you know what she thinks. She thinks your a moron and deserve to die right now. Once the shrieking starts, just walk in calmly with a look of confusion and explain, well, it needed cleaned, looks like new now doesn't it......... and just walk off and put the plunger back were it belongs. If you can keep a straight face you might even add, " I don't know what the problem is, everything in there has been sanitized now"



2. Next we have the " you just did not" moment that's just fun sometimes. Sometime when the moment is just right and all the stars are aligned just so, and you have an exit route to flee quickly if need be, I have another little gem for you to try out. While you both happen to be standing in the kitchen, oh say making sandwiches or something, reach into the drawer and pull out a fork. Take the fork and turn it upside down and reach over your head and use the fork as a back scratcher. Make sure to make some of those 'oh oh that's the spot' kind of noises and gestures while your doing it. Then quickly wipe the fork off on your shirt or your pants and put it back in the drawer. Now, be prepared to do some dishes after this one, else wise your gonna have to buy her some new silverware. ( don't forget to duck and run either)



3. This next one is the best (or worst) for making our lovely wife's faces turn colors. One morning while you wife is in the bathroom primping or whatever it is that they do in there, just walk in and make your way to the toilet. It is time for the manly art of peeing whilst standing up. While your standing there 'going' kind of swoosh things around in circles and make those naval combat noises you made as a kid. Put out an imaginary fire with your fire hose, whatever middleschoolish stuff you can come off with at the moment. Now, someplace in this bathroom is a hand towel. Every bathroom that is ever occupied by a married women at any time has a hand towel in it someplace. You guys know which towel it is that I'm talking about, its the towel that hangs there and looks pretty, the one that she uses and we don't because we will get it dirty and her hands are wet but never dirty. Okay, after your done 'going' reach up and grab 'the' towel and gently dry off then end of your fire hose, hang towel neatly back on rack, flush, put lid back down, and calmly walk out. Once clear of the bathroom................ run.............

Here are just three ways to cause your spouse to instantaneously combust. Just remember, use these at your own risk, make sure the couch is comfy 'cause you might need it, and just because your wife is a girl doesn't mean she always throws like a girl, so if a fork or a shoe take flight towards you, duck now, laugh later............

Cheers.........

PS: Ladies, I know you read this anyway, I know it because you couldn't resist the train wreck like quality that exists here, and because it goes against everything in your being to do what your told when a man says it. So, because I know your down here already anyway, you cant say you were not warned, and I bet you wish you'd listened after all. In fact, I bet you thinking about washing that hand towel today aren't you?

transpositional education

Fair warning, this is one of THOSE posts.

Yes, some of you will read this and just knows for sure I'm a nut job.

Others will read this (like pastor friends of mine) and wonder where do I get this stuff.

Others still will wonder what I've been tokin' and where can they get some.

Sorry, but the following post is just my life ( my spiritual walk if you will) the way I see it at the moment. I am certain my heavenly Father beats His Holy head on the golden walls when I do this and I am wrong, but its just the way I see it right now.

First, let me define the title, transpositional education....................

Education: to educate, IE to teach, to impart information.

Transpositional, two parts.

Trans from the Latin Transpose (okay not really but it sounds good) means to switch from one to another.

position : ones place, ones spot, ones current location.

Transpositional means to switch places or spots.

Transpositional education then means to teach by switching places, simple enough me think'th.

One example is when we do things like teaching our child not to bite by biting them or teaching them not to pinch by pinching them, it switches places with them and they learn (quickly) why not to do what they were doing.

Now, for a biblical example of transpositional education. ( I am already tired of typing my new fancy word, so from here on I will call transpositional education T.E. )

Do you remember the story of Abraham and Isaac? God spoke to Abraham and told him to leave his folk and take his son ( Isaac ) off to a far place, and offer him up as a sacrifice. Abraham didn't really want to do this but he really didn't have much choice in the matter so as he was want to do, he obeyed the word of God. He packed up what was needed to make this sacrifice and he and Isaac set off. Once arriving at the spot God had sent him to they stopped. Right about now Isaac starts gettin a case of the willies because he noticed that good ol' dad brought all that was needed for a sacrifice, except one really important thing, the item to be sacrificed. He then informed his dad that he was gettin' kinda creeped out by this whole thing, dad having a knife and all, but no sacrifice. Abraham calmed his son with these words, "God will provide his own" (and then God promptly did so by providing a lamb)

This is the classic example of T.E. God teaches Abraham about what real sacrifice feels like. He foretells of the great sacrifice of His son for our sins and gives Abraham a glimpse into the future of man by revealing a little of Himself to Abraham and the pain He will endure for us in the future. Its a tale that tells us not only of the great pain Jesus suffered to cleanse us, but tells us also of the great pain the Father endured in this as well.

Just a few posts ago I mentioned that I had suffered an attack of lack of faith and I have been busy repenting from that for a while now. In my last post I mentioned that my pastor had just reminded me of what I should be doing and haven't been. These two things combined lead me to come to the conclusion that some further events were intended to teach me something, something else that I should NOT need reminded of but do anyway. What is that something?

God loves me, and He is with me still, from now till the end of the age.

Not something I should need reminded of, but the flesh is week ya know.

( place all of the above into your short term memory, I will now abruptly shift gears, but don't worry, I will tie the end into the beginning, or the alpha into the omega if you will )

Many years ago we received a phone call from a friend who was a vet tech at a local vet clinic. She called because someone had left a little dog ( a bichon frise ) there and she wanted to know if we would come rescue it. We already had two dogs so I said no, we don't need a third. Angie said , " lets just go look at it" I just fell victim to a women shopper. You cant ever just go look at something, you have to obtain something, so we went, we looked, we came home with a third dog and we named it Bo. Bo was named after Bo Schembechler, former Michigan coach. We chose the name because we already had Woody named after Woody Hayes and Rosie, named after the Rose Bowl. And thus the story of Bo begins.

Bo was the best natured dog you would ever have the luck to meet. He was playful, and he was cuddly. He loved nothing better than to curl up in your lap and take a nap, but if someone came home, he was up to greet them, and greet he did. He would run in circles and jump twice his height just to say hello and to let you know he was happy you were home. His love was unconditional. Bo never really got angry and even had difficulty defending himself even when it was appropriate. As Bo aged, he slowed down a bit, he snuggled more and played a little less, but his ability to love was never diminished in the slightest. Several months ago Bo developed some eye problems, which led to his eyes collapsing and thus we had to have them removed to stop the pain. We did so at the vets urging because Bo was perfectly able to adapt to this new situation and live several more years. He would still provide love to us, and receive large quantities of love from us. In the beginning he adapted pretty well, he moved around the house and the yard and began to explore things using only his nose and ears. He would still stand up and wiggle every time I came home from work. Bo was not nearly as independent as he used to be though. He needed a lot more assistance from us. He became totally dependant on us for everything. We had to put him outside like clockwork because he couldn't find the door to ask, we had to figure out what each woof and snort meant without having any of the usual clues because he could no longer show us what he wanted. Also, I don't mean to paint Bo as the perfect little dog either, he was a first class sneak thief. He would get into the pantry and get down things like muffins, once he ate almost a whole box of those things. He would raid the trash cans or anything else he could find a way to get into. He ate a bag of mini-Resee cups one time. Even after he went blind he could reach up and snag your fries right off the table in front of you. Oh, and lets not forget the pee, he would pee on anything, the bed, your shoes, your foot, whatever was handy.

Well, to bring this story to its ultimate conclusion, Bo's health didn't hold up as well as we had hoped. He began going downhill fast just a few weeks ago. Angie stayed up with him on Tuesday night because he kept moaning and she wanted to be available if he needed anything. He was refusing food entirely at this point. Things didn't get any better, so Wednesday night I stayed up with him all night. Bo couldn't seem to find a place to be comfy so he kept trying to stand up. Standing was a chore at this point, so I would help him get to his feet. He was getting sick often now, but he wasn't even drinking so there was nothing there. I finally got him into a spot he was comfy, in my arms laying back on a pillow with his body partially under some covers. He seemed to be content and well snuggled at this point. He lay there and labored to breath for a while, maybe an hour or so. Then at 3:22 AM he stopped struggling. I could feel his heart beat in my hand and I could feel it slow until it stopped entirely. Bo passed quietly in my arms, it was the only thing I could do for him, love him unconditionally, just like he loved me.

This was painful for me, but it was what I needed to do, its what I should do, its what I had to do. All said and done, I wouldn't have it any other way, but it still hurt like the dicken's.

Now, back to transpositional education (T.E)

One of the toughest questions pastors get all the time reads something like this:

"If God is real, why does he allow such suffering, if he loves me, why does he do these things"

Its a tough question for a pastor because it always gets asked at the toughest of times. Its a tough question for your average Christian as well. Its a really tough question you might get from your child at some point as well, most likely when your least able to give an answer.

Well, for my circumstance, I have an answer, and the answer is (T.E.)

God gave us Bo, and he took Bo away. I learned a lot from this, most of it I learned in the wee hours of the morning.

Transpose me with Bo, and the Holy Father with me and it tells a different story.

I loved Bo, God loves me.

I would get angry with Bo for peeing on the floor, in my shoe and on the bed. It would drive me nuts when Bo kept me up all night just because he wanted to. I hated it when Bo would get into things and make a mess of things that I would have to clean up for him. He was forever making messes of things. Bo wouldn't listen to me to save his life, but he was always happy when he knew I was there.

God gets angry with me when I do things I shouldn't. I drives God nuts every time I keep Him up all night just because I want to. He hates it when I make a mess of things and leave it for Him to clean up after me. I make a lot of messes. I don't listen when God tell me to cut it out, but I am always thrilled to know He is with me.

It hurt my soul when Bo passed, but I held him close and loved him with all I had.

When my time cometh, God has assured me that He not only will hold me close and love me with all that is in Him, but he let me know that it will hurt Him as well.

I also believe God allowed Bo to become so dependant on us as T.E. lesson for me. It is to remind me just how dependant and helpless I really am. When I am too weak to even stand, God picks me up and holds me like I did for Bo. When I cant find the door, God carries me outside. Now, it might be raining out, and I might not want to go out, but God takes care of me. God let me know I am His and He knows my voice.

I also know I deserve that swift whack on the buttocks when I sneak into the pantry and eat all the muffins.

BE the church.

Today my pastor reminded me of something. Today was one of those days when the pastor was reading my mail but nobody else knew it. Today was one of those days when my pastor was speaking of himself and of his flock, but all I could hear was me me me me me.

Today I was reminded of that point not so long ago, that point when I got the point. I was reminded of the day I became a christian. I was reminded of that day in North Carolina when I got the message. I was reminded of the day the Holy Spirit took up residence in me. I was reminded of the day that God told me that I was one of His, I became a new creation, the old passed away and all was made new again.

Now, please don't misunderstand me, what I did wrong didn't disappear and what I do wrong still matters, but now things are different. I went to this Men's Conference with a question.

Why am I here, what difference would it make if I wasn't here, or never was at all.

My answer then was that I was a Man on a Mission. God clued me in that I had a purpose, His purpose. I may be just an actor in the play, but my roll is one that is needed. God wants me here and He wants me here for a reason, I have a purpose.

I took this question to this conference because I was told by a pastor to "stop playin' church, BE the church"

Today's sermon was from the book of Mathew 16 :13-18

13 And Jesus came into the quarters of Caesarea Philippi: and he asked his disciples, saying: Whom do men say that the Son of man is? 14 But they said: Some John the Baptist, and other some Elias, and others Jeremias, or one of the prophets. 15 Jesus saith to them: But whom do you say that I am?
16 Simon Peter answered and said: Thou art Christ, the Son of the living God. 17 And Jesus answering, said to him: Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-Jona: because flesh and blood hath not revealed it to thee, but my Father who is in heaven. 18 And I say to thee: That thou art Peter; and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

First we have the question of the day. What does the church look like. Does it look like this?

NO. Does it look like this?

Again, NO. The church that Jesus spoke of looks like this:

We brothers and sisters, we are the church. The passage from Mathew states that He will build His church on this rock. What rock? The rock of Peter, the rock of St. Peter? The rock of the disciples? No, the rock is the rock of Faith that Peter had shown in his statement.

16 Simon Peter answered and said: Thou art Christ, the Son of the living God. 17 And Jesus answering, said to him: Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-Jona: because flesh and blood hath not revealed it to thee, but my Father who is in heaven.

Peter had shown tremendous faith in this statement, a faith that was not of flesh and blood but one brought on through revelation. It is upon this Faith that the church is built.

Who builds the church then?

Two answers, we do, but we don't do it alone. We are here for a purpose, that purpose is spelled out for us.

Go forth and make disciples. We are to take the message out from ourselves, out from the church. We are the messengers. God will then do the work of working on there hearts and minds, but its our job to deliver the Good News to their ears.

I have been so wrapped up in my own family and my own little purpose that I had forgotten this. I came to know that one of my greatest purposes, my greatest ability to serve Him was right here in my family. Its my job and purpose to guide my family in Him, its my job and purpose to raise Gracie in Grace. Its my number one priority to return her to Him from whence she came. But today my pastor reminded me that this is not my sole and only purpose.

The world is too big to have such a small assignment. We are not here to save the earth and keep mother earth clean and healthy, for we already know that He will destroy it in His time and bring forth a new Heaven and a new Earth. We are here, we being the church, we are here to spread the message of the gospel.

I have fallen down (again and again) in this duty. I have stumbled again in this call. I am called to go forth and baptize and make disciples. I must get up now and stumble forward.

If you live in this area (southwestern Ohio) and you are not attending a strong bible based Jesus preaching church on Sunday morning, please come join us. Contact me here for the information, service starts at around 10, all are welcome.

Our church has a new name as of today.

We have a renewed mission as of today.

We are looking forward to meeting you and worshipping with you in His Glory.

Amen.