PADS

Do you know someone, a friend, a spouse maybe, who seems to always push your buttons?  Someone who just keeps poking at your emotions, gets under your skin, someone who annoys the haberdash out you?  Do you know a person like this who does this continuously but always does it in a manner that always seems, accidental.  They make it appear they have no earthly idea they are driving you mad.  They act as though all is normal, the world is just as it should be.  They have no idea why we have dropped to the floor in the fetal position and are trying to scratch our eyes out with our elbows.  There must be something wrong with US because THEY have done nothing.  Do you know this person, or maybe several of these people.  Maybe you are this person ?

Well, if you relate to the above paragraph, I have good news for you.

The A.M.A has finally, FINALLY, issued a statement, a diagnosis, a definition of what the rest of us already knew.  That is correct, the American Medical Association is now on our side!! Not only have they legitimized our plight, they even have suggested a treatment that if used as prescribed can almost entirely mitigate the effects of this newly named and labeled condition.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the A.M.A has discovered and named, Passive Aggressive Disorder Syndrome  !!!  PADS for short. 

That is correct folks. Many of us have been afflicted by PADS.  The woeful pain, the frustration, the twitching inflicted on us now has a name, and the name is music to my ears.  PADS is real.  PADS is a crisis.  PADS treatment will be covered by Obamacare!!

Do people with PADS make you flail uncontrollably  in frustration ?

Do people with PADS make you sit in the floor with your hands wrapped around your legs and your face in your knees while you rock back and forth self consoling and repeat " Kmart 410 Oak street.... yeah.......  6 minutes til Whapner....... yeah...  "?

Do people with PADS make you sing "I'm a little tea pot " in the shower just to drown out their seeming normalcy?

Do people with PADS make you want to Gangnam Style in a grass skirt and coconut bra while on top of the Golden Gate Bridge?  ( okay, maybe that one is just me )

Well people, friends, commrades...... The solution has been found at long last.  A medically approved device is being made available to all sufferers of PADS.

The trick is this.  As we all know, the person who is afflicted with PADS has no idea that WE are the people who suffer from PADS.  So, in their infinite wisdom, prescriptions will be made available to all of us who suffer from this dreaded affliction to help assist in the curing of our friends and loved ones.

Step one:  Ask your friend/spouse/relative to go to the doctor and seek help dealing with their infirmity.

Step two : If your friend/spouse/relative actually goes to the doctor to discuss their problem, then it is obvious that YOU are the problem and they do not have PADS, because if they did have PADS they would not have actually gone.

Step three :  If your friend/spouse/relative says, sure honey/buddy/friend thanks for your concern, and then never seems to remember to make that appointment then blames you for their inability to complete this simple task...... then you have a PADS afflicted confirmation......

Step four :  Now that you have a PADS afflicted confirmation you can phone your doctor and tell them that your friend/spouse/relative is PADS afflicted and you are a PADS sufferer.  The doctor will call you in  a prescription and you can run directly to the pharmacy and retrieve your medically approved device.

Step five : Keep your medically approved device with you at all times and administer as necessary every time your friend/spouse/relative causes you suffering.

The theory is that if the people with PADS are made accutely aware of the level of suffering they inflict on the rest of us, they will slowly begin to recognize that their behavior is the cause of all the worlds issues.  Once they become aware of their PADS they can then, and only then, be able to try and control their PADS on their own.  Studies have shown that repeated/frequent use of medically approved device has cut down on the frequency of PADS outbreaks almost immediatly.  Over time, PADS can be controlled.  PADS may never go away entirely, but as we all know, even one less PADS outbreak a day is a great relief and significant improvement in the overall quality of life for us poop schleps suffering in silence from PADS.

Please please suffer in silence no more.  Reach out and do something for yourself and for others.  Obamacare will cover the cost, so you have no excuses.  Call your doctor today !!

Direction for use:

Your pharmacist will hand you one of these.  This is a sharp stick made from a pharmaceutical grade ultra dense bio-plastic. 

Whenever you feel the onset of those all to familiar symptoms that occur when you are in the presents of PADS you simply take the sharp stick out of its sterile container and jab the pointed end into a convenient fleshy spot on the person afflicted with PADS.  The reaction will be immediate and lasting.  The cure will be temporary, but effective.  After first initial application, keep sharp stick handy as more applications are likely to be necessary.  Over time, the frequency should decrease.

Act now.

Help stamp out the rampant suffering of PADS.

( some side effects may include, bleeding, sleeplessness, nausea, fits of rage, moodiness use only as prescribed.  Not for use outside the United State.  )