Oh Fernando.

I just love saying the name, Fernando, Fernando, Fernando. I say it over and over again with a terrible accent that is probably not even geographically accurate. Fernando Servanti is the name. As was discussed in my post "Nissan Calling" Fernando assured me he would take care of the problem and call me back. He told me he didn't think it was possible to send me a letter stating the problem was solved but he would address it and get back to me, give him until Monday he said. I have been brimming with confidence and counting every breath until I get to speak with my main man Fernando again. I just kn0w he has everything settled, a great big fat apology for me, and a discount on my next Nissan lease or purchase. I am all giddy just thinking about the marvelous customer service Fernando is going to bestow upon me to keep me happy and keep me buying Nissan's. I know in this tough market he will bend over backwards to make sure I am satisfied to the best of his ability. He is in a different time zone, an hour behind at least to I shouldn't expect his call too early, but I know he will take care of it first thing Monday morning.

"One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small................."

"Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow follow follow follow.............."

Well noon on Monday comes and goes and would you believe it, Fernando still has not called me. I don't want to butt line into all the people he is rendering wonderful customer service to but I think maybe I should just go ahead and call him. He might appreciate the initiative and it might keep him from having to look back up my phone number that I am sure is posted someplace important on his desk.

"Good day to you so nice of you to notice me, looks like rain wait and see, likely rain all over me, guess that's just the way that it has to be here in my glooooomy place. "

"Hello this is Fernando Servanti at Nissan customer service, I am not available right now but if you leave you name and account number I will return your call"

Not available Fernando, not even for me? Hmm, you must be really busy making people smile right now. Actually, the first thing I noticed was that the end of your message needs a little freshening up. "I will return your call" is just not all that refreshing. Maybe you should say "have a nice day" or maybe you should say "thank you" maybe you could say "as soon as possible" you could even tell me to kiss your arse but saying you will return my call, when you work in a call center is a bit on the skimpy side my brother. Well, maybe he works an odd shift or something, I will wait a while longer and call again. I am sure he will answer the phone this time.

"I don't mean to toot my own horn but I am a rather excellent surgeon. I might be able to help you with that hump."

"what hump?"

Well its well into the day now and I sigh strongly and call my close friend Fernando one more time. I receive the same lame voice mail message and leave another message, again ending with ,"I look forward to hearing from you, have a nice day" Any sweeter and I would be a southern bell.

"Just a few more days fo to tote the weary load."

"As God as my witness, I will never go hungry again" (Insert over dramatic music here, in Technicolor of course)

And the day drags on and on and on with mysteriously no Fernando. Should I call the Texas State Troopers and have them start looking for him, surely his momma has reported him as a missing person by now, its been all day. Maybe I should call Chuck Norris and put him on the case. Nah, he is busy working with my man Huckabee right now, the Rangers will have to look for him own their own. I call one last time, still gracious, still full of glee and hope and I still get the same lame recording. I leave another nice message and inform him that I will be calling again tomorrow. My plan is to stay in his kitchen until this is resolved. I will slowly begin to eat his voice mail box until I get him.

"I need more power Scottie"
"Im gibbin it all she got capttum, I dont know what holden her together"

Tuesday has arrived, my patience has departed. Nine AM, call number one, same result. Call number two eleven AM same result. Call number three, lunch time.

Phone doesn't ring, at all.

"Fernando"

(nice phone manners, I am bursting with joy it is the one and only the infamous, Fernando)

"Well, good day Fernando, this is Chris calling from Cincinnati to see if you have resolved our issue yet"

"Yes"

"Yes?"

"Yes, could I have your SS number"

(you should have me on a post it note on your forehead right now, but if I am not the most important thing in your world right now I guess I can play along)

"blah blah blah"

"Yes"

"Yes?"

"Yes, I have an email from our taxation department they say the property tax has been remitted from your bill, but as for the letter, they are less than receptive"

(less than receptive huh, maybe less should be less receptive of my payments, or less respective of my business, or less respective of my referrals)

"it has been removed"

"Yes, it will no longer appear on your statement"

"Fernando, if its on my next statement, you know I will be calling you again"

"Yes, I know"

Well thus ends the saga of Fernando, for now. I have the utmost confidence in the fact that Fernando has indeed taken care of the issue with the valiant effort of sending an email. One little email from the powerful desk of Fernando will have resolved what a fleet of other call center employees could not muster. I have faith in my man Fernando. I did forget to mention to him that his voice mail message was lame and bordering on apathetic, but I will save that for next time because I have this prophetic feeling that the paths of Fernando the powerful and myself have not crossed for the last time. And if they have, and I am truly done with Fernando, I will call him one last time to wish him a Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year.

"Merry Christmas, every one"