things kids say.

Well, it has been a long and tough weekend. We spent all day Saturday at a new members class for a Lutheran Church and right now I am concerned about things but that's a different blog. During the class Angie got a call from her sister saying her Granny was not doing well at all, gangrene has set it. Granny is 86 years old and not up to a major infection like this. I may speak more on this later, but for now I want to provide an update on Gracie. For the uninformed Gracie is my 4 year old daughter. She is adopted from China and the highlight of most of my days. She has a certain wit about her that is priceless. I understand that all toddlers live life through their limited understanding of things but this has been a week of note on things kids say. Below you will find comments about panties, poop, Grannies toes and last but not least, raisins.
First off, earlier my wife had taken Gracie on one of her favorite adventures, shopping. Angie needed to go buy Christmas presents for dad. I got (yes I already know) a shop vac for the mancave and fireplace, a couple pair of PJ's and a couple pair of boxer shorts. Angie calls me from the store to ask a question about something and while talking to daddy on the phone I hear Gracie say, in a loud voice of course, "and we got new panties for daddy, with Grinch on them" Priceless I am sure for all those who were near enough to catch that one, new panties for daddy. HMM.
Next we come to Saturday night, Gracie has been at the neighbors all day and thus has had no nap and too much sugar. She goes off to bed with some protest but gets us a while later to go to the bathroom. She is in there quite some time before the festival starts. We are downstairs and can hear her talking to herself, not that unusual but its longer than normal and getting louder so we turn down the tv to listen.

"get out, get out, get out" (some tears and crying here)
"Gracie, whats wrong"
"poop wont get out of my butt, it wants to stay there forever"
"Gracie, can one of us help you?"
"Nooooooo, I sit on toilet forever, I stay for long time, it takes a long time"
(more tears, more crying, mom goes upstairs)
"no, no , no, NNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHooooooo. I don't wont medicine, my butt doesn't like medicine. Poop is stuck in my butt and wont come out"
"Gracie, there is nothing there, does your belly hurt?"
"no, poop is stuck in my butt, my butt hurts"
"Gracie, let me clean your but and you can go back to bed and try again later"
(none human sounds pierce the night sky as this evil practice of butt cleansing takes place)
Gracie goes back to bed, sort of.
A short while later, back on the throne she goes.
(cries and tears from upstairs)
"Gracie, whats wrong?"
"poop wont get out, my legs hurt from sitting here too long. It takes a long time"
Repeat process with dad taking his turn, except the butt cleaning part. Gracie goes back to bed, dad goes to bed, mom goes back downstairs, process starts all over again. It is now something like 1AM. Gracie goes downstairs to cuddle mommy on the couch and dad goes back to bed, again. Mommy and Gracie come to bed, who knows what time at this point, but we are far from done with this little adventure. Gracie gets out of bed and goes back to bathroom, fit ensues again. Dad's turn again. This time I sit on her little stool and talk with her a while, convince her to stand up and walk towards me. I then take this opportunity to flop her over my knees with her butt in the air. I discover a really really hard little turd ball the size............... and consistency.......... of a jaw breaker, wedged half in half out. I grasp a piece of toilet paper and grasp hold of the offending turd and with no effort at all the turn jumps right out and lands on my big toe. Nice. Now I have her here so I might as well wipe the butt for her, but not gonna happen. Those little cheeks slammed closed tighter than Ebenezer's wallet on Christmas day. Gracie managed to wipe her own butt, yet it was not time to come back to bed yet. She needed to wash her hands, change her clothes, and brush her teeth. People, its almost dawn now and she wants to disinfect, sanitize, and brush. I really am raising a girl. As for me, wipe off the toe, flush the turn, rinse off the hands and I am back asleep. Oh, but the sleep wont last for long, back to the bathroom she goes, mommas turn. Momma moves slow at this time of the morning so it takes her a while to reach the local center of constipation crisis management. Once reaching it she is greeted with, "the poop left my butt, all by itself, I don't need your help" Yeah, crisis over. We didn't make church this morning, too tired. We did make it to see Granny in the hospital. We had to explain why the toes looked like that. Gracie wanted to know, well, everything. We explained that the doctor was going to help her and then put a bandage on it so it could heal. Gracie just turned around and walked towards the door while saying "I dont think I need to see that" again, priceless.
But, we are not done yet. I have saved the best for last. We had to stop buy the store and buy some groceries for tonight. We got potatoes, juice, toilet paper (seems we ran through some) and raisins. Raisins are not something we normally would have in the house, but for some reason this just sounds like a good idea. Gracie, on the other hand, asks me the question,"why do we need raisins" my answer was honest if not well thought out, "Gracie, they will make your butt not hurt anymore"
Gracie" I don't want raisins in my butt, don't put raisins in my butt."
Daddy" they will make your butt not hurt baby"
Gracie : I......... dont.........want..........raisens........in.......my.....butt"
Daddy," Okay honey, but they will make it feel better" (we have now caught up to momma and momma hears this for the first time)
Gracie " But I don't want raisins in my butt, don't put raisins in my butt please don't do it, I don't want raisins in my butt"
Daddy" okay I wont, but it would.............."
Gracie, "no,no,no I don't want raisins in my butt.... are you teasing me?"
Daddy, "no, raisins.....
Momma," stop it........ both of you"

Okay, so maybe that was evil but it was fun. The public at large seemed to enjoy it, even if they couldn't grasp it in its entirety.

Thus ends the update on Gracie.