Post Christmas post

The Wilson's have survived yet another Christmas Season. Some people become stressed, others become depressed, some become victims of the commercialization of the season and still others go to Church for the second time all year (Easter being the other time). I am not one of these people. I forbid holiday stress to control my enjoyment of the season, I have my depression issues but holidays are not one of them, I am too cheap to fall into the commercialization trap and Santa is a downplayed figure in my house so this is not an issue either. I work at remembering Christ each and every day all year long and look forward to welcoming the Christmas/Easter crowd at church in the hopes that they are touched by the Holy Spirit as they fellowship this year. Having said all that, Christmas is still a tiring time of year. I am going to take this time to type out my twelve pains of Christmas as I tell you about the survival of another season.



First, let me tell you about a little thing called Reindeer food. These are the directions.

MAGIC REINDEER FOOD
On Christmas Eve, sprinkle this magic reindeer food on your lawn. The sparkle of the glitter in the moonlight and the smell of oats will guide Santa’s reindeer to your house.
(Do Not Eat)

Ingredients:

Oats

Sugar

Glitter

What has been left out of these instructions is that while on the lawn they might attract reindeer, but while in a baggy resting on Gracie's' playroom floor, they do a great job of attracting Bo (our dog). Dogs love reindeer food, who knew. A few days later its Saturday and Angie's sisters are coming for dinner, turkey has been in the oven overnight and is now out and cooling. Its like 7AM or so and I am greeted with Gracie yelling from her room that Bo has pooped in her playroom again. Mom wakes up enough to tell her to clean it up (yeah right) and the fit then ensues. I am awake enough to catch the phrase, its different poop, I don't want to touch it. Different poop? Different poop! "don't touch it, daddy's coming." Bo has indeed left us an early Christmas present of 3 Bo logs. But these are not just any Bo log, they are oh so special Christmas Bo logs. Like little itty bitty Christmas gifts, all that was missing was the ribbon. The logs in question, the 'different poop' was made almost entirely from undigested oats and glitter packed tightly together by doggie intestinal fortitude. They were white and sparkly, almost pretty, thanks for getting Christmas off to a good start my little fuzzy friend.

The second pain at Christmas is shopping. I enjoy Christmas shopping, black Friday is a wonderful time of year. I like smiling at all the grumpy people. What I detest is the grocery shopping. We cooked two huge meals this year, one for Angie's family and one for mine. I did the turkey and oyster casserole for Angie and she did the rest, for my family I did the dinner and Angie did the dessert. As I mentioned above, I forbid stress in such things as this, my wife,'blink...blink', has no such rule. She fuses, frazzles, and frays at the ends. Most of this is self inflicted because she procrastinates and is not organized in her thinking and doesn't manage her time well. The result is a whopping 6 trips to the Grocery store for me. The last one had me arriving back after our guests were here already.

The third pain of Christmas is the stress fallout from everyone else. Grumpy people want to make you grumpy too. They insist that if they are stressed and you are not you must be doing something wrong or not doing enough or not helping them, or you are just in their way. The dressing is not right, the cheese it too thick, the grocery is too crowded, the room is too hot, the room is too cold, we don't have anymore tape, the presents are not wrapped, the fridge is too full, the parking lot is too crowded and I wanted that spot, I want the spot that your in so please hurry up and move so I can get it before somebody else finds you too. I am not stressed so will you please stop wiping your stress on my sleeves. Thank you.

The fourth pain at Christmas is the decorations. I would put up a ceramic tree or maybe a little one footer with a half dozen ornaments if it were up to me. A wreath on the front door without a bow and maybe a spot light in the yard just to show that I did shed a little light this year. But oh no, I am married and have a four year old so up the 7 foot tree must go with garland and icicles, lights and fake snow. I must put lights on the ceilings and light on the roofs, risking life and limbs to make things a glow. Ornaments that talk and ones that are shiny, ones that make noise, and ones that are piney. I lug all the boxes, bags and totes up the steps, down the steps all of it must go.

The fifth pain at Christmas is the decorations. I lug all the boxes, bags and totes, down the steps, up the steps all of it must go. I must admit I have little more spring in my step as I put them away. I am smiling like the Grinch robbing Whoville as I tear down the lights and stuff them in bags. I have a gleam in my eyes as the Christmas dishes go bye.

The sixth pain at Christmas is the decorations. Its the after Christmas sale season. All those lights that you just bought for 6 bucks are now on sale for 2 bucks and since you had to hang them all three times to get them right this year your going to need more to replace the ones you broke, didn't work, or tried to hang yourself with this year. We will of course look at a new wreath and more garland and more tinsel and snow, I really really really don't want to go.

The seventh pain at Christmas is family. I love my inlaws and I love my family but Grandma didn't get run over by a reindeer by accident. She was the victim of a drive by. Nuff said.

The eighth pain at Christmas is left overs. We cooked a 22 lb. Turkey a 9 lb. ham and had (take a deep breath) corn, mashed potatoes, green beans, oyster casserole, broccoli salad, sweet potato casserole, dressing, mac and cheese, veggie tray, meat-n-cheese tray, shrimp tray, rolls, Italian cream cake, blackberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream, and a white birthday cake with the words,"Happy Birthday Jesus" inscribed on top with green icing next to yellow flowers. This is best defined by the Yiddish word, "oy"

The ninth pain at Christmas is over stimulation. Particularly with small children but this phenomenon is present with all ages. The expectations of Christmas build for at least a week and then the gifts start arriving. Gracie got gifts for days on end. Each day she would ask and expect more more more. By the time Christmas morning got here she was both burnt out and spoiled beyond and reasonable sense of management. Her first comment on Christmas morning was,"why didn't Santa wrap these, I wanted them wrapped" It didnt get much better. A chorus of I want somebody to play with me was whined off and on all day. Add do this the overstimulated mother who is worn out as well and put us all in a church setting where we need some semblance of quiet and sitting still and, well lets just say I was searching my pockets for a spoon with which to pluck out my eyes.

The tenth pain at Christmas is Christmas cards. We send out 100 cards every year. No matter what we always have somebody that makes some comment about not getting one. We always have a relative (who shall remain nameless) who asked did you send one to so and so and if I say no, then I am told that I really should have. It doesn't matter that I haven't spoken to Aunt Bunny in 30 years I should still have sent her a card. She sent me one with a balloon in it for my birthday when I was 8 so I should sent her a card now. Let me again quote that ever so useful Yiddish phrase. "Oy"

The eleventh pain at Christmas is work. No body wants to be here and it shows, nuff said.

The twelfth pain of Christmas is that football is almost over. A myriad of useless bowl games and a few lame NFL games from now its all over and the sports world goes blank for months. The best part is after its all over I still wont know who the best team in college football is. I am going to just decide now and get over it. Go Bucks.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a speedy recovery.