Service

For those of you who do not know, I work in what is called a job shop, machine shop. I am the foreman, machinist, shipping receiving, expediting, purchasing, inspecting, customer relations, engineering and administrating guy. We are a small shop with one part time engineer, 6 machinists, one truck driver and one owner who does some drawing, some sales, and a lot of really good PR. Job shop means we don’t have a product line, we just make parts to fix, repair, upgrade or modernize other peoples equipment. We do some engineering design work to try and solve other people’s production or safety issues. You break it, we make it sort of thing. People use our services because the machines they use to make whatever it is they make, (hot dogs, playing cards, drugs, steel, soap etc.) are either made by companies who longer exist or by over seas companies who take weeks and months to send replacement parts that broke. That is the issue at hand. Simply stated, nothing is made here anymore and I view this as a problem. As I sit here thinking about this issue I decided to take a look around my desk. My monitor was made in Japan, my mouse was from China, my keyboard-Canada (Oh Canada, my home and native land……………..sorry) My pencil sharpener, Taiwan. The desk itself, you guessed it, China. The notebook on my desk, India. The speakers on the computer are China as well. The taps on my desk say Britain, and the end mills say Korea. The Chrysler I drove to work this morning was assembled in Canada. I can find literally nothing nearby me that says made in America on it. We manufactured a shaft for Siemens last week that required us to send Certification of material type with the part. When I received these documents concerning the large piece of steel I had just purchased from a local steel distributor, it listed the location of origin as China. Now, in the global economy its not a problem to find things made from all over the world, but, I cant find anything that we made here. Well, I am told that this is because we have switched over to a service and information economy and have left the industrial age behind. I think this is dangerous for several reasons, not the least of which is that we totally stink at these things. I spent an hour this very morning trying to get my Windows XP to stop crashing and just open up. If I had not been able to fix the issue myself I would have had to call Microsoft technical support and hope for a little service. This brings me, finally, to the subject at hand. By and large as a sum total, we stink at service. Everyone who is in the service industry thinks they personally are doing a fine job, but usually this is not at all the case. Let me run some things past you, lets call them rules for good or at least adequate service.
If you have hours of 9 to 9 posted on your front door that means you are open from 9 until 9 at a minimum. This does not mean you unlock the front door after a donut and cigarette at around 9:15. This also does not mean you stand just behind the door and stare at me for 3 minutes until your watch says its 9 and then open the door. It also does not mean you lock up and stop answering the phone at 10 til 9. If you are there, answer the phone, you might make a sale or do some business and that is why your there in the first place, just in case you forgot.

Grasp and understand the term “rush” It is that temporary influx of people that lasts briefly. Examples, rush hour, dinner rush, pay day rush. This is what happens when a lot of people try to accomplish a logical task in a logical time frame. It happens at restaurants, banks, grocery stores etc. The thing that needs observed is that a rush is temporary and will only last a little while. So, having said all that, here are a couple of do nots and I don’t cares. Do not close you teller window with 30 people in line because its you break time, you don’t need that donut anyway. Do not close your check out lane because you have already put in your 4 hours and its time to go, if the boss isn’t in your kitchen closing the drawer for you, stay put, if the boss is there then we customers can shout them down and make them run the register. Restaraunts, if its dinner rush or lunch rush, I don’t care if you need to go to the bath room, tough it out. Most of us only have 30 minutes for lunch and you should have taken care of that before now. Lunch rush is always going to be, well, at lunch time. Pee before 11 and after 1, otherwise tie it in a knot or cork it off, I need my food.
Speaking of food, rule number 3, if you wont eat it, don’t give it to me. I don’t like tomato cores or pickle butt stems on my burger. Fries may be crispy, not crunchy, if I want crunchy potatoes I will eat chips. Ketchup and mustard are to be inside the bun, not on it. Cold food should be cold and hot food should be hot, duh. I don’t want warm cole slaw and cold bar b que, you wont eat it, don’t give it to me. This one may not be as obvious, if its ugly, do it over. Ugly constitutes many different sins. Messy, burnt, too small, fell apart, etc.
At a sit down dinner, any level of sit down dinner, you have a fixed allotment of real estate to work with. The table only holds so much, so, believe it or not as my so called server, its your job to remove the stuff I don’t need anymore. You know, those empty glasses, those bread plates, the menus even when appropriate. If you do not, I do have recourse however. I can pile up all the plates and stand at the end of the table until you show up, if you do not show before my feet get tired I will simply set them back down, on the floor of course.

Rule number 5, the “service counter”. If you work retail and work behind the service counter, please at least acknowledge that I am there. I have been to many a service counter with people doing anything but talking to the people in line, or better yet, talking to me when I am the only one there. It is especially unforgivable to make eye contact with me and still not do anything or just keep chatting with other “service providers” It not my job they may think or maybe they just want to finish what they are doing or not doing before talking with me, fine, but say something, “I’ll be right there, be right with you, coming as soon as I finish scrapping fungus out from under my nails”, something, anything. To just look at me and keep going is to say to me, “just stand there dork boy, I might get to you and I might not but you’re a waste anyway”

Grumpy people, stay home. If you cannot manage a smile or at least a pleasant demeanor, don’t deal with the public because what ever you might be doing ceased to be called service. I know you need to be paid to do this because you wouldn’t be doing it otherwise, but without me spending my money, no body would be paying you, understand the relationship? I don’t require you to be my friend, my buddy, or flirt like you want to be my lover, but, being friendly is certainly not asking too much, and honestly a little flirty is even okay as long as its an obviously harmless flirt. Its like me flirting with teens and old ladies, its obvious the middle aged homely fat man is just being friendly. (keep in mind, flirty and suggestive are too terribly different things)

(And I will call you my squishy and you shall be my squishy, ouch, bad squishy, bad squishy) Okay, if you have a heavy accent of any kind and you have difficulty speaking or understanding English, do not work in a call center of any kind. It is not that much of a stretch I don’t think. If your job is to talk to me and convey information to me, I need to understand you and you need to understand me. Nuf said.


If I say no thank you to what your hockin, stop. I don’t want it, I don’t need it and I will not be changing my mind. This applies to warranties, the newest and latest whatever and the upgrade that upgrades what shouldn’t have needed upgraded.

Rule number 9, appointments. If I have an appointment with you for a certain time, it means that time. 5 oclock is just that, not the next convenient opening after that. Telling me that you will be arriving between 9 and noon is not an appointment either. If you tell me 9 to noon I want a call that narrows that down as soon as it is obvious to you, particularly if your going to be late.

And the last rule on the top ten list of poor service practice is for employers. If its broke, fix it, if its not broke, don’t fix it, and the most important one,


“you cant fix STUPID”

Now, lets all have a really nice day, and I am smiling politely when I say that.