Bacefook

This post it to be a parody of the popular Facebook mime, "25 random things about yourself"

This is just 25 random things.

1. Double yellow lines on American roadways mean -do not cross- You are not supposed to cross a double yellow line for any reason other than an absolute emergency. Attempting to cut off people who are following the rules in order to get to that turn lane half mile up the road is not an emergency. The rule isn't -do not cross unless its more convenient for you to do so- the rule is -do not cross-. By the way, that center turn lane your trying to use has a double yellow line at the end of it. This has been a random public service announcement.
   
   
   
2. If there is one stray doggy dung pile in your back yard, you will not find it no matter how hard you search, until your barefoot.
   
   
   
   
   
3. A zit in the corner of your nose or on the very edge of your lip has a direct connection to your central nervous system and your tear ducts. It is impossible to pop these zits without it hurting a bunch and bringing tears to your eyes. This is Gods way of telling us to keep our nose out of other peoples business and to keep our mouths shut. So if you have the dreaded lip zit, you've been gossiping to much.
   
   
   
   
   
4. Oxymoron: The French have a reputation centered around everything romantic. Their language sounds romantic, romantic and intimate things like kissing get names like French kiss. Romantic dreams often include dinner in Paris, French wine, and cuddles under the Eiffel Tower. Why is it then that every French man I have ever met is rude, skinny, and smells like old cheese?



5. I remember Lava with pumice. It was a green soap filled rock that came in a red wrapper with the picture of a volcano on it. It would scrub any dirt right off your hands, or it would remove the skin if need to get the dirt off. What ever happened to Lava.
   
   
   
6. Depression is having a sense of clarity involving reality, but not having any faith or hope.



7. Samuel Slocum invented the stapler for holding papers together to make it more easier to hold paper together. In 1841 he patented his idea of sticking pins in a paper to hold them together thus inventing the staple. Johan Vaaler, a Norwegian inventor with a degree in electronics, science and mathematics, invented the paperclip in 1899. He received a patent for his design from Germany in 1899, since Norway had no patent laws at that time. Now you know, the paperclip is the modern improvement over the staple.



8. The ability to prioritize separates the organized from the disorganized. The ability to organize the disorganized separates the leaders from the followers.




9. Scripture makes reference to sitting at the table at the right hand of the Father. The right hand position is a place of honor. Does this mean that those of us on the right side of the aisle, the conservatives, are more righteous than the liberal left? Lets just go with yes here 'cause I am feeling just a little bit superior.



10. You can convince a 5 year old that her mother has 3 eyes, one in the back of her head, and they will believe you, but you cant convince them that running with scissors, dancing with pencils, and spinning with forks is dangerous, even when they regularly fall down for no reason anyway.



11. If you work for the Post Office, chances are you are a government employee. If you work for the Post Office, chances are you belong to the American Postal Workers Union. Now, maybe this makes sense to somebody, but by my definition of Union, the purpose of the Union is to assist in enforcing fair labor practice upon an employer and monitoring that the legal contract signed with said employer is honored. Here's the catch, if your employer is the government, then don't they decide what fair labor practice is in the legislative branch and are not the judges (judiciary branch) the ones who would interpret the contract. Just seems to me a waist of energy to have a union in a government shop. Patco rings a bell.






12. It is impossible for any red blooded American male to say the words "pumpkin chunkin'" and not smile. It makes us almost giddy to think about, if middle age men can get giddy. It brings out the middle school boy in us, the boy who knows farts are funny, funniest if you can either shift the blame to someone else or make you friends turn that queasy green. The competition to build a machine to toss/throw/ launch a pumpkin the longest distance is what is called "pumpkin chunkin'". This activity is so basal male, but its just fun to watch, would be a blast to do, and its just fun to even say. Ah my brothers, let me assist you in having a pleasant day, say it three times with me. Pumpkin Chunkin..........(louder this time) Pumpkin Chunkin'................( one more time with enthusiasm) PUN_KIN_CHUNK_KIN................ Now my brothers, have a nice day. My sisters, move along, nothing to see here, move along please...............



13. Does anybody remember the story of the rabbit and the hole to help teach kids to tie there shoes? If you do please email it to me, I cant get Gracie to do it, motor skills issues and bad case of princess brain (which is simply girly female brain but I can say princess brain without getting in trouble, shh don't tell) She want to and I remember my Grandpa teaching me with some rabbit story but I cant remember it now.



14. All people are strange, some are just stranger than others.


15. The rate at which paint and stain dry is directly controlled by whether or not it was meant to be on the item it just landed on. Stain takes days to dry on wood, seconds to dry on concrete or clothing, paint takes hours to dry on the wall but drys on contact with a five year olds hair.
    
    
16. They call him Kipper, Kipper the dog, the dog with a slipper, that's Kipper, Kipper the dog. (by the way that's a toad not a frog) He can do this, don't you wish that you could, he can that, which is more than any old cat could............... wouldn't yo like a dog, like a dog, like a dawg like Kipper, that's Kipper the dog,,,,,,,,,,,,,, now that's a frog ( ribbit)
    
    
17. Thunderbird is more stable than Outlook express, but its hard if not impossible to insert super smileys into the messages.



18. Ever notice that if you seem to be the one who always initiates the phone call or email to friends and you stop doing it they don't notice. Maybe you were just annoying them and they are glad your not bothering them, but if they need you they will call or email, because now you suddenly matter again, ever notice that?
    
    
19. Paranoid people know someone is out to get them, but since they don't know who, they just assume its everyone. Odds are they are right at least once in a while.
    
    
20. Time passes unchanged, its unforgiving, and it doesn't care.



21. The Wizard of Oz can be emotionally stressful if you childhood home life was less that stable and satisfying.
    
    
    
22. God has a sense of humor, ever seen a platypus? Adam had a sense of humor too, he got to name it Platypus.
    
    
23. Pizza is good food.
    
    
24. The people at Coke Zero really did steal the taste from Coke. No, really they did. Really.



25. And for the 25th random thing.

• God is good all the time. All the time, He is good.