Phrase-ology 101

In this post I would like to discuss two common phrases.

1. "its just one of THOSE things"
   
2. "its going to be THAT kind of day"
   

It can be kind of fun and always challenging to explain things to a 5 year old such as Gracie. You never really realize how difficult it can be to explain something, even something you understand, to someone who has no idea. When most adults hear either of the above phrases, we know exactly what is being said. We know, but could we explain it. What exactly are THOSE things and what make them different than other things? I know what THOSE things are as well as you the reader most likely does, but how do you explain what THOSE things are? In the case of phrase number two, we have all had THAT kind of day, but what kind of day is THAT kind of day? What does the THOSE and THAT refer to exactly? I know you know, you know I know, but can either of us explain them to someone else who doesn't know?

Well, I needed a topic for a post, so I will attempt to explain what THOSE things are, and what THAT kind of day is, just in case you have never run into - just one of THOSE things or had THAT kind of day.

These two phases, at least in my experience, are inseparably adjoined like Siamese twins. Like tic and tac, like flies on......... well you get the point, they go together like peas and carrots. (Forest Gump voice implied here)

When something happens, not something terrible necessarily, just something, and its something that you couldn't necessarily see coming and therefore had little if any opportunity to avoid, then the phrase, - its just one of those things- comes into play. The implication is that its something out of the ordinary, usually negative but not tremendously negative. Its just something that is odd and now, since you couldn't avoid it, you must adjust and deal with it.

When you string together a series of events that fall under the heading of - its just one of those things- within a 24 hour period then you are headed down the path to - its going to be that kind of day- I would be remiss if I did not endeavor to put forth some effort to provide you with some examples of THOSE things that might indeed lead to THAT kind of day.

Lets say you don't hear your alarm go off the first 12 times so when you finally do hear something obscenely loud you look at the clock and realize your already behind schedule by 15 minutes so you jump out of bed and start moving briskly to try and make up some time. You toss on some boxer shorts and scoop up your blind dog and head down the stairs. Place said blind dog in front of his water bowl because he is panting and obviously thirsty and then you move on to your other tasks. Oops, I forgot to turn off the obscenely loud radio alarm clock which is now blaring some twangy harelipped Reba McIntyre tune, so you must run back up stairs and beat the alarm clock senseless in order to get it to stop. Once you are again upstairs you might as well put on your socks (why? I dont know) and grab your work clothes before going back down stairs. Work clothes over your shoulder you start stomping back down the steps. At the bottom of the steps you blind dog is wiggling his tail (but not looking at you) because he hears you coming. Isn't that cute I think. This is the though you might have before you step off that last step and your sock foot lands in a puddle of warm liquid. There is nothing in this world near as nasty as warm pee on a cold wood floor soaking up immediately into you sock. Warm wet sock feet are just NAAAAssssttty. Well, - its just one of THOSE things that might be the beginning of THAT kind of day.

With one hurried and fluid motion I put the dog out, mop the floor, remove the sock and proceed to the downstairs bathroom to wash my hands, thoroughly. During this sanitation process I notice two issues, first the running water reminds me, abruptly, that I have yet to make time in my haist for my urgent morning pee. I would like to do that right now, (really really like to do that right now) but alas I cannot because the blind dog has decided to bark and at 5 AM this is not acceptable so I must go retrieve him from the back yard before answering my own call to nature. I do so very quickly and efficiently before returning to the bathroom. Once I do I also feel another urge strike that causes me to want to sit down whilst in the bathroom. The hurried-er I go the behind-er I get. Now I need to take a moment to remind you of what exactly your toilet looks like, just in case you forgot. You have a bowl, on top of that bowl you have two movable lids. The first lid covers the bowl so you don't drop combs, lipstick, or toothbrushes into it. The second lid is made to sit on. The second lid also comes up to provide males with a larger target to aim at, and as an added bonus, keeps the seat dry in case that target is still not large enough. We males prefer to leave both lids up because our lipstick never finds its way in the bowl anyway. The reason for the anatomy lesson of the toilet is this. The second lid does not come all the way down to the bowl. There is a wee little crack left between lid two and bowl. If a hurried and frazzled half asleep male takes his seat too rambunctiously and does not take sufficient care in positioning his bladder drain hose before releasing the check valve he might find that the spray nozzle has access to this purposeless crack which will then spray wildly and randomly onto the back of the ankle bound boxers. - its just one of THOSE things that might lead to THAT kind of day.

Now if someone where to do this mind you, they would most likely then need to traipse back upstairs with damp boxers at arms length in one hand and blind dog, still wiggling, under other arm. Place dog in comfortable spot and retrieve clean dry boxers (and socks) from drawer. Put on boxer, but not the socks (why? I don't know) and head back down stairs. While putting shirt on I realize that I need to go start my car and let it warm up a little before actually leaving. After some adieu I locate the keys and slide out the garage door and proceed to start my car. I am now well behind schedule. After closing car door I look up and see another early riser driving down the street, they wave, I wave back. I am standing in my driveway barefoot, in my work shirt and boxer shorts. - its just one of THOSE things that might lead to THAT kind of day.

Once finally dressed and gone down the road a few miles I notice that my low fuel light is on. I check that handy dandy little gizmo that tell me how many miles till empty and it says 16 miles. Its 23 miles to work and I haven't been driving that long so I will need to stop and get some gas or I am not going to make it. - its just one of THOSE things that is starting to look more and more like the beginning of THAT kind of day.

Upon finally arriving at work I am greeted as I walk in with the news that I missed the first customer of the morning. ( its still not 6 AM yet, who ever got here that early must have an issue) An emergency job has arrived that I must get people working on immediately and takes top priority so that our customer can get back into operation is what is already waiting on me. The company has employees just sitting around until this gets fixed and they can turn their production lines back on. - its just one of THOSE things that is quickly becoming THAT kind of day.

Somehow I manage to survive the work day and its time to head back to the Ol' homestead. I smell like dead cow and pickled cabbage but the work is done, the customers are happy and its time to call it a day. It should be a good evening because its kids night at Skyline Chile. I always take Gracie to Skyline for supper on kids night. This is usually a good time for all parties. Gracie gets a night out with dad and to spend some time with other kids she knows as well as do a craft with her girlfriend Elise (who runs kids night, she just loves Elise) and mom gets a much needed break from the constant chatter that is Gracie. Speaking of constant chatter, on the short car ride to Skyline Gracie informs me that she needs more make up. I foolishly inquire as to why she would need any, let alone more. Well of course its because she is going to be a Rock Star when she grows up. She tells me she is going to be Hannah Montana. (ohhhhhhhhh reeaaally) She tells me she has a band already. Augustine is going to play the piano, Taylor is going to play the guitar and she is going to play the microphone. ( yes she said play the microphone) She already has 'back' singers too. I forget their names but I was trying not to run off the road. Later in life it was brought to my attention that Augustine and Taylor are both boys. I said, no no no no no no no, you cant have a band with just you and two boys, that will just never due. Gracie explained to me that she did have two 'back' singers ( should be backup singers if you don't speak Chinese 5 year old) that were girls so it was okay. I said that she could only do it if she hired me as their manager. After some negotiations I now have a job to look forward to in my retirement. I wonder if this is how it happened with Billy Ray? All goes well with dinner and we come home, cuddle and watch the Good Night Show before I carry her off to bed.

After Gracie is in bed for a bit I notice that I don't hear anything but the light is on in her room. I sneak, as only a Ninja could sneak, to see what the matter is. As I peer around the corner I see her scratching at something on her nightstand. I ask, as any Ninja dad would do, what she is doing. Noth'in was the answer. Rule of parenting number 1, from age 3 or so till forever, if the child answers with Noth'in they are up to someth'in. I walk a bit closer and ask again, the answer changed to , get this, " none of your business". Rule of parenting number 2, from age 3 or so till forever, when a child answers " none of your business" it means it is certainly our business and now I must be filled with all knowledge. I proceed to figure out this minor mystery to my Ninja dad satisfaction anyway and tell my little snookerdoodle to dowse the light and get back in bed. I am then greeted with the following statement, " I dont like it when you get in my bid-ness" I explain that it was my business and I would be in her business for the rest of her life so the sooner she got used to it the better. I explained that I was going to make her bottom my business ( I may have actually said bid-ness here) if she was still sitting up and awake when I got out of the shower.

" I don't like it when you get in my bid-ness"

" I don't like it when you get in MY bid-ness"

- Its just one of THOSE things,

one of THOSE things that has brought to conclusion what turned out to be THAT kind of day.