Ten commandments.

'I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.' - Ronald Reagan





Exodus 20:1-17
1 And God spake all these words, saying,
2 I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
7 Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:
11 For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
13 Thou shalt not kill.
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.
15 Thou shalt not steal.
16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

• After being submitted to congress in its original format, congress immediately decided that the first step was to simplify (dumb down) the verbose nature of the commandments and print up a list that they could work with and that they felt the average American could understand.

Citizens Ten Commandments

1. Have no other gods.
2. Have no idols.
3. Honor God's name.
4. Honor the Sabbath day.
5. Honor your parents.
6. Do not murder.
7. Do not commit adultery.
8. Do not steal.
9. Do not perjure yourself.
10. Do not covet.

• Step two. The lawyers in congress felt the shortened version was too black and white and needed to be expanded back a bit towards its original format so they had something to discuss and sink their teeth (fangs) into.

Voters Ten Commandments

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
5. Honour thy father and thy mother.
6. Thou shalt not kill.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
8. Thou shalt not steal.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
10. Thou shalt not covet.

• And now the discussion and debate shall begin in congress about this list.
  

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. This does not allow for the American spirit of diversity and seems a bit selfish. What about all the other gods, budah, zues, allah, and the like. It doesn't seem fair to put one above the others now does it. What about the other things that Americans like to worship, like money, Hollywood celebrities, and themselves. This doesn't seem to leave room for those things either. A congressperson from California submits a proposal to edit this commandment to read, one (gender neutral term) should pick the order in which one lists one's own gods and only change the list when one deems its is completely appropriate to do so and one should keep their own list to oneself.
   
   
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. Well this could put a kink in the funding of the arts. Who are we to decide what is art and what is not? We give grants for this kind of work all the time and its popular at the art shows. What would we do with all this grant money if we stopped giving it to artists? This could slow down the economy and hinder the creative endeavors of some of our best artists. If Mapplethorpe wasn't making art what would we do with him and how would he make a living? A proposal was submitted by a congressman in Massachusetts to edit this one to read: One should exercise caution when creating images that might be considered controversial and might be worship able by someone.
   
3. Thou shalt not take the Lords name in vane is a direct violation of the freedom of speech. People have the right to say anything they wish as long as nobody gets hurt. The Lord should have to sue for liable and slander just like the rest of us. A proposal was submitted by a congressman in Vermont to edit this one to read: please use caution in speaking and do not slander your government.
   
   
4. Remember the sabbath day to keep it holy. Well, if we forget it will it be any less holy? Which day is the sabbath day anyway? According to the original document, it is a day of rest, for some that is everyday and for some its never so what day is it supposed to be? Some say its Sunday, but that is football day not sabbath day. Maybe its Wednesday, cant be that's men's day at the golf course. A congressman from Oklahoma proposed this read: Remember the work day, and keep it going. Not having a better idea the committee submitted this suggestion.
   
   
5. Honour thy father and thy mother. Well this one seems okay, kids should honor and obey their parents. In fact we could expand this one a bit. Since George Washington was the father of our country and we all know it takes a village to raise a child, then maybe we should broaden the scope of this a little. A proposal was entered by a congressman from Virginia to edit this one to read: Honour your father, your mother, and your elders, your teachers, your neighbors, your siblings, your government, and that creepy guy in the ice cream delivery truck (he is in rehab after all).



6. Thou shalt not kill is a little too broad. We need to reserve the right as the government to decide when this is appropriate do we not? We have criminals after all that we decide we need to kill, so we should allow for this here. After some heated debate it was decided that this needed to be expanded even further to allow the government to decide about who had the right to live and who was allowed to be killed. Upon review it was determined that criminals could be killed at the request of the government and any person who had not yet shown their worth as a human being could be killed, this allows for a women's right to choose that since the human inside of her had not yet proved their worth to the world, it could be killed by a government sanctioned and funded doctor. A motion was submitted and was carried.



7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Again, this is too broad a statement. If your spouse cheats on you, shouldn't you be allowed to cheat on them as well? Maybe we need some clarity here, maybe it should read: Thou shalt not commit adultery with anyone under the age of 18. No, that doesn't work either because each state has different laws pertaining to legal age. In Arkansas you could get legally married at 14, so maybe 13 is the age we should go with here. A congressman from Arkansas submitted this proposal.



8. Thou shalt not steal. Perhaps some caution should be exercised in what is called stealing. If a person is hungry, should they steal food? Is it a crime to take what you need from somebody that has more than they need? It would be too humiliating to ask for something so maybe we need to allow for some instance of theft, but not for others. We can call them out in degrees. First degree, second degree, third degree, and felony theft. A proposal was submitted to the committee by a congressman in Delaware to allow for degrees of theft so that some people could steal if they had a really good reason.



9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Since this would virtually eliminate the profession of lawyers it was decided by the committee to completely forgo dealing with this issue. The lawyers all plead the fifth and hit the delete button in unison.



10. Thou shalt not covet is completely un-American. Isn't that what this country was built upon? Are we not told from a young age that if we want to be like that rich guy on TV we should work harder than the other guy and be smarter than the other guy so we can acquire more stuff and live a better easier life than the other guy. Of course we were, greed is good, greed works. To covet is to be American, without it we would have no drive and no ambition. After all, its the governments job to give and to take away. A suggestion was submitted by the congresswomen from New York to edit this one to read: You should not covet what the government has not given you, you should just ask and patiently wait for it to give you more.

• After much deliberation, meeting, and lobbying a final list was boiled back down to this simple form.
  

1. There is no god or need for one.
   
2. Idol's are American and live in Hollywood
   
3. Free speech only applies if your not talking about someone wealthier than you or in elected office.
   
4. Work hard, play hard, live hard and die early so you don't become a burden on the Social Security System.
   
5. Everyone IS better than you and your a victim, the government is here to help.
   
6. Killin is okay as long as the government says so, just ask us first.
   
7. Be kind to kids, just not too kind.
   
8. Robbin hood had the right idea, now he is a congressman.
   
9. omitted due to not knowing what the definition of "is" is.
   
10. Greed is good, greed works.
    

Reagan was right. They are (would be) completely unrecognizable if congress got hold of them.