I am married to Bill Cosby..........

Okay, now that I have your attention, I am not really married to Bill Cosby, and my wife is not Bill Cosby, but my daughter has become the Cosby kid that he talks about all the time and I find that we, the parents, are living out all of the things Bill was talking about.

I have a Cosby kid in my house, it happened all of the sudden but I don't know exactly when. If you know the skit and conversations I am talking about from Bill Cosby, the following will sound all too familiar. Just do not forget, what follows is conversations and happening with MY daughter and not Bill's.

Gracie has suddenly gone deaf. Nothing her mother and I say has the ability to penetrate through her ears and take up even temporary residence in her brain. Her mom says stop talking, Gracie gets louder and says, "but but but I wasn't finished yet" I tell her to stand still she will stand in front of me gyrating like a drunken ballerina at a vodka tasting festival in Kiev. If I grab her arms to make her stand still she prances with her feet like she is standing on hot coals. Mom says set up and eat, Gracie lays her head on the table and sighs. But the best part is when you call her on these things.

Gracie, why did you do that, why did you walk away when I said come here, did you hear what I said.

Yes, I heard you, but I want listening.

Gracie, why did you walk away!

I wasn't listening........

Gracie, you said you heard me.

I did hear you, but I wasn't listening.............

Gracie, if you heard me, you were listening, why did you disobey?

I don't know.......... I'm sorry, I apologize, I wont do it again....

Okay Gracie, that's better, now sit up here and be quiet for a minute........

( she turns and walks away)

GRACIE !!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!!!!?????????

I wanted to go upstairs and get something.

I just told you to sit down and be quiet and you walked away, right after you said you would listen.

I heard you, I just wanted to............................

You see what I mean. Her mother used to be a beautiful women (really she still is) but now she just sits with her hands pushing the skin up her face making those deep furrow wrinkles on her forehead and her left eye squints and twitches all the time.

Gracie will start to say something and then momma will interrupt to tell her no and be quiet. Then two seconds later, when no one is currently speaking, Gracie will say something and before the first syllable is out momma hollers, "DON'T INTERRUPT ME"

I just try to get through the day. When I come home from work I am swarmed upon like a lame rabbit getting tossed into a den of malnourished wolves. Gracie wants fresh meat to talk to and play with. Momma wants adult conversation and relief from the constant chatter that is Gracie. I love both of my ladies and I understand both of their viewpoints, but I just want to make it to the living room without getting wounded.

"Dad is great, he gives us Chocolate cake" This is a line from Bill Cosby. I understand this line now. Sometimes its easier for us dads to just let them eat cake, even if it is for breakfast, than to actually have to deal with the harsh reality of being a parent. No, I don't let Gracie have chocolate cake for breakfast, not often anyway. We must stick together and do our best to be responsible parents, but sometimes I do fall victim to just wanting to be the cool dad and take the easy way out. Every time I do this however, just like Bill, Gracie tosses me under the bus with momma. I let Gracie have chocolate milk for breakfast a few weeks ago. I told her that this was a treat, it was not normal, don't ask for it again, and please please please don't tell you mother I caved.

" DADDY LET ME HAVE CHOC CO LATE MIIIIIILK, DADDY DID DADDY DID, HE SAID IT WAS OKAY, IS HE IN TROUBLE NOW?

The answer to that was yes. Rightfully so, but yes. Thanks for throwing me under the bus kiddo.