Utopia.

Time to build Utopia.

I want to build the perfect world. A world were everything is fair, nobody has any issues, nobody has any cares, and nobody has any problems. A place were life is beautiful all the time. A place of calm rest and when someone talks someone else listens and doesn't interrupt them. A place of intellectual growth without the stress of competition. Some would call this magical and imaginary place Utopia, but I shall call in Myland since it is mine after all.

First, in order to build Myland, I shall appoint myself King and head of construction, rules, and governance.

Rule number one. The first thing that seems to keep people from being happy and beautiful is a perceived lack. Usually a perceived lack of money. To avoid this, I shall outlaw being poor. From this point forward in Myland, no one is permitted to be poor, as said by decree of the King of Myland. There, problem solved, we don't have the poor around anymore so we don't have to feel guilty. Feeling guilty makes us not feel beautiful so we can't have that. The poor often feel jealous, and feeling jealous makes them not feel beautiful, again , problem solved. The poor also often feel sad, depressed, overlooked, and forgotten. I have cured all these ailments and made them happy and beautiful again by outlawing poverty. Never again shall the poor want , for want is banished as is being poor.

Rule number two: Something else that seems to cause many people sadness is the disparity between weekdays and weekends. Weekends are so short and they end with something called Monday. By decree of the King, there will be no more Mondays. Logically this is a problem because then the sadness, grumpiness and ire for Monday will just be juxtaposed upon Tuesday and thus accomplish nothing but transiency. Therefore I , the King and benevolent ruler of Myland will banish all the days of the week. We will have no more weekdays, no more days, time will become fluid and not broken into time frames that my people , the Mylanders, do not enjoy fully. Since there is no separation between weekday and weekend, workdays will exist only at our convenience and can separated by as much or as little time as the worker sees fit.

Rule number three : This is the Mr. Obvious Rule. Since I am the sole King, I am also the sole governor and thus the only government. People don't like politicians, they are not beautiful people who make the rest of us enjoy our beautiful lives. They are unnecessary in Myland and thus by default, there are no more politicians. Without politicians, we have no election and therefore no annoying political adds. This condition alone increases the happiness quotient in Myland. There is no bickering about left or right, only joyful Utopian moderation.

Rule number four : One other great source of ugliness is fairness. It would appear that life does not treat all people the same and that is not fair. Everyone wants everything to be fair, and well, it would only be fair if life worked that way, right? So, I decree the Myland Fairness policy of this and all generations here to forth. By rule of me, I declare and ordain that all things are fair and unfairness is abolished, banned, and ruled out of order and illegal. My kingdom shall have no unfairness. To enforce this rule, anytime unfairness is spotted, it must be rendered and put asunder and replaced with fairness immediately. Fair is to be defined by all parties involved in the activity or action or circumstance that was called to question as unfair. Transferring from proclaimed unfairness to fairness must happen immediately if not sooner, post haste.

Rule number 5: In order to really be joyous, beautiful, and full of much joyness, all things must be accessible to all people. This will eliminate coveting, jealousy, greed, ambition, and lust. In order to do this, we must share all things equally. Everything except my sole power to rule over Myland of course, somebody has to be in charge, right. This will create some obvious logistical problems, but they can be solved by rule number 4. I realize that my socks might not fit your feet, but you're welcome to share them with me anyway, that would only be fair. This of course means we will have new definitions of relationships too. It is hard to be monogamous and share at the same time, but we all must share so therefore there will really be no more marriages. Since we will be sharing kids as well, the family unit will need to be redefined a bit too. Now, keep in mind rule number 4, it would not be fair for all of us to share our kids with the same person at the same time. That would not be fair to them to have so many kids all of the sudden.

Rule number 6 : As king I decree there shall be no gallivanting around. Why, because I said so, I just don't like gallivanting around. Its unbecoming. All that hem hawing , messin' and gaumin'. I don't want none of that.

Rule number 7: After putting more thought into this, it seems what causes the most ugliness in the world is the perceived differences between its people. I have set out to remove the ugly and only leave the beautiful. I have made it illegal to be poor, or rich. I have made it impossible to be jealous or greedy. I have made it so everything is fair. I don't think this solves all the problems in heading towards perfection. In order to be happy, I am afraid that people cannot be allowed to see any difference between themselves and other people. One simple way to abolish racism forever is to make everyone blind. So, I as King so do now ordain that everyone must close their eyes and keep them closed for at least two generations. After two generations have passed, perhaps we will be able to see one another without preconceived notions of worth.

Rule number 8 : Lastly, I declare that there will be the addition of a national holiday. The Myland let it B day. On this day we will celebrate all things that begin with the letter B. Boogers, will be hung on windows in glorious celebration. Body odor is an expected tradition on this special day. Beards will go unshaven for weeks prior. Beer will be drank with friends, in moderation of course. Beanies will be worn on our heads as traditional dress. The kids will celebrate an imaginary character named Bailiwig who sneaks in the Basement to deliver Baked goods left in Ball caps that are left on the Banister. Good kids get Bagels and Bavarian cream filled Bon Bons, bad kid get Baked Beans and Biscuits. Remember kids, Bailiwig is watching so you had better Behave............

Onomatopoeia

This post has nothing to do with words that sound like what they are (crash). I just like saying the word onomatopoeia.

It has been some time since I updated you all on what is going on with Gracie.

Gracie is now in second grade. It is entertaining to watch her mature and become more outspoken and questioning of life in general. As she grows her life and relationships become more complicated and she struggles to understand the rules of life ( or lack there of ). She attends Hamilton Maineville Elementary this year and should have been there next year as well, but due to budget cuts and a levy failing 7 times in a row at this point, her school is being closed. In the near future the district may be dissolved entirely and pushed out into the surrounding areas.

She is enrolled in tumbling classes at TNT Nitro Tumble Dance and Cheer. She has learned to do a cartwheel, roundoff, and is so very close to a back handspring. She can do it with a spotter and the spotter hardly touches her, but she still lacks the confidence to do it if she doesnt feel that hand on her back as she goes over. It is a beautiful thing to watch. I can remember not all that long ago, watching her at 15 months try to learn to crawl. She was so far behind at that point. Now she can almost fly, it makes me want to cry. ( hey, I rhymed ) She has cheered for Little Miami's Youth league for 3 years and we now have her enrolled in TNT performance cheer. She loves to cheer, that much is clear. ( Hey, I rhymed again ) When she found out she got to cheer for TNT she wanted me to explain the difference between performance cheer and competition cheer because she wants to be a flyer in competition. She was happy just to find out that there will not be a game going on behind her, seems that is a distraction, people are watching the game and not the cheerleader, or more precisely, not watching her. Her self confidence still has its spells, she plays shy sometimes when it makes no sense, but by and large she is a ham. A wonderful, sweet, talkative, loving, and kind ham. Spoken as the proud parent that I am. ( stop rhyming, I mean it. Anybody want a peanut?)

Gracie has a new best friend. These two girls are so sweet and loving together, they hug, they giggle and they are priceless to watch. They used to be in class together but her friend switched schools because of the levy issues, now we just arrange for them to spend time together. The girls and the mommas are taking a trip to Chicago in April to go to the American Girl Doll Museum. It is interesting for me to watch them as they develop their relationship. They get frustrated with each other, they get grumpy with each other, but they never get mad at each other, they know it will all be okay and they will work through each issue.

Gracie is doing well in school. She reads well ahead of where she should, she does this because she loves to read and does it all the time just because she wants to. I now have a Borders club card and we go there or Barnes and Noble and pick out books to read. She has read all of the ," Diary of a Wimpy Kid " books ( a little too old for her ) and all the Junie B. Jones books, and now she is working on the Geronimo Stilton collection. I may need a library room for her. Geronimo Stilton is an odd little mouse dude that she is just loving at the moment. Gracie prints and spells very well, she prints neater than I do. Her vocabulary is scary. ( stop rhyming ) She loves big words and uses them surprisingly well. Her week point is math. We were working on counting money the other night. She can add change very well as long as she works at it. I made the mistake of asking her what a half a dollar was though. Half a dollar is 30. Not even 30 cents, just 30. This will come....

Gracie's momma, my lovely wife, really works hard on teaching manners and proper etiquette. This is good because if you know me, Gracie is going to get real world life, but not lady like demeanor from me. Gracie was upset with a little girl and her mother the other day at tumbling. The lady had moved Gracie's coat without asking Gracie and the little girl is 4 and wants to talk to Gracie but seems to want to do so while being 1/2" from her face. As we were leaving Gracie informed me that, " that little girl is rude and she gets it from her mother" Note that she didn't say her mom, her momma, or her mommy, which is what she says about my wife. She said, "mother". This is the equivalent of using a child's middle name I think.

One of the biggest issues in the Wilson house is the sin of interrupting someone. It is not polite to interrupt someone when they are talking. It is twice as bad to interrupt two adults talking when you are 7 years old. Momma is the teacher of manners and etiquette so she keeps on Gracie about this issue. Ironic issue, this is not mommas strong suit shall we say. Gracie is having issue learning this proper behavior. At this point, the standard mode of operation is Gracie will wait for that 1/2 second of dead air when the ongoing conversation might be over or at least at a pause and they say, " sorry to interrupt, but..........." It makes no difference that she is still interrupting, but she is interrupting politely, right !! Personally, I am happy with this, but we are still working on it. Gracie, particularly with me, has a strange ability to talk without pause or breath. She talks fast because she is afraid someone will tell her to stop and she still has words to use.

Speaking of sin, Gracie loves her new church. Well, its not all that new, we have been going for over a year now. She goes to Sunday school and children's church both and loves it. She has memorized all the books of both the testaments and several different scriptures.

We have had some issues. She has one little girl who is a player and is playing my naive little Gracie. This girl sits relatively close to her in class. She is nice to her, but she keeps manipulating her mind and trying to control her. This will stop, Gracie is working it herself right now, but we are aware and the teacher will be made aware just to keep it from getting out of control. The next issue was much larger and we are still dealing with the after effects months later.

If you have an adopted child, I would advise you play it safe and just skip the movie Tangled. There is nothing inherently bad about the movie, but it can have some bad effects that manifest themselves differently with each child that reacts to the movie. Bottom line is there is a character in the story who stole a baby and pretended to be the mother. This character did not love the child, only raised them and the kids are smart enough to pick up on this. The saccharin nature of the character and the eventual demise can be stressful for some younger kids and they cannot articulate well the reasons for the feelings they don't really grasp fully. With Gracie, this led to not wanted to sleep, not wanted to go to bed alone, and not wanted to be by herself upstairs to shower. We have largely overcome these problems, but they are not gone entirely. We worked with our pastor and did our best as parents to get past this irrational fear. With making some compromises, Gracie now goes to bed, sleeps though the night, and takes a shower without me sitting outside the bathroom door. The shower curtain , however, is rolled up out of the way only leaving the clear liner so she can see out into the hallway. Her dog echo sits in the hallway and just watches in fascination. Gracie sings , ( loudly and badly ) to entertain herself and keep the 'bad thoughts' away.

Well this has been a brief update , there are more things I could talk about, but I will stop for now. We are going to St. Louis to visit the "Hunan" sisters next weekend. I should have pictures and stories from our travels then.....

Anatomy of a cuss word......

First, this post is in no way intended to be vulgar, profane, or inappropriate for younger readers. I will endeavor to not use any real cuss words in the following post, however, that is the subject of the following monologue. What is a cuss word?

The first thing I notice when bringing up the subject is that we, we being English speaking Americans, can not even agree on what to call cuss words. Some variants of the topic include, curse words, dirty words, foul words, offensive words, profanity or profane words, swear words...... and this is just the beginning of the list. As a point of interest ( or disinterest, I found it interesting ) Mark Twain was the first to coin the term 'cuss' word in 1872.

So, I ask you, what is a cuss word.

Standard definition:
1. a profane or obscene word, esp. as used in anger or for emphasis.
2. any term conceived of as offensive.

The first thing that you might notice is that it is ANY word that is CONCEIVED as OFFENSIVE. That means that the definition of a cuss word is dependant upon the opinion of the listener. I find that interesting. It is interesting because that means that I may say something that I don't feel is at all improper , but yet, the person I am speaking to will feel they are being cussed at. Wow, that is a communication revelation on my part.

Why is this important?

Well, first off, we have scripture in the Bible that tells us that it is not what we put into our mouths that defiles us, but what comes out of it. This , among others, reminds us that we should refrain from being foul to each other at the very least. We are also instructed to use our words to build each other up and encourage one another. Cussing at someone, even if you do not realize you're doing it, is something to be avoided.

Secondly, for my secular friends, cussing can also be an issue in 'polite company' as it is called. Not all walks of society view profanity as an acceptable form of communication, especially in the workplace.

These are only two simple reasons why we might not want to make the sailor blush, but they are by no means meant to be an all encompassing list.

What strikes me is our ability to cuss without even knowing that we are doing it and the listener ( if we are so blessed as to actually have a listener ) is being offended and making judgements about us without our knowledge. I mean, how hard can it be to not cuss ? If I start tossing F-bombs around, I think I know I am cussing right? Well, its just not that simple........

Time for a list of examples:

Some words are cuss words totally dependant upon their use. For example, one word can be used to describe a four legged mammal also known as a donkey or burro. This same word is used to describe a body part on which you sit, or a neighbor with questionable behavior. Now, by my personal standards, only the last example would be cussing, but I am in the minority on that. Most folks view using that word to describe a body part as cussing as well. The next thing that adds to the confusion is the words we therefore use as substitutes for the potential cuss word. If I chose to use butt, instead of the potential offender, I still have cussed in the eyes of some. This becomes more apparent when you add in an age factor. Most adults will use and hear the word butt and not be offended, yet it their child , lets just say a 7 year old, says butt, now they have an issue. The child should say bottom, can, derriere, tookus, or some such instead of the word butt..... Now it starts to become clear as to why it is sometimes confusing........

Now the magical B word. When the announcer at the Kennel Club dog show refers to a fine female dog by that term, it is an accepted form of communication, however, when the same word is used to describe the high maintenance and temperamental wife of your neighbor, it is now an offensive word. We must exercises caution when using any questionable vocabulary.

Now lets talk anatomy. This gets very convoluted very quickly. If a gentlemen has the name of Richard, he is typically not called by that full name. Some examples fail this test, perhaps the most famous is Richard Nixon. Richard Nixon is almost always called Richard, although he did earn the nickname in popular culture of his day of Tricky Dick. If someone has the name of Richard it is perfectly normal to call him by this shortened version. However, using the exact same word to refer to the male privates is offensive to a lot of folks and therefore is a cuss word. In fact, there are almost no acceptable terms to use at all that name the male privates. Even when we use correct medical terms, if we are not speaking to our spouse or an MD, we are most likely offending and therefore cussing. Men make this even more convoluted than it needs to be because we have adapted so many different names to refer to this region. If we speak of the twins, we may simply be talking about our cousins who were born at the same time 3 years ago, but we may be cussing. When we speak of chubby, we had better be talking about the extra pounds we added over the holidays or we are guilty of cussing again.

Now on to body functions. I did not know that the most commonly used word to describe the release of built up intestinal gas ( yes the F - word ) was a cuss word. I had no idea that some people find the word offensive. Finding the odor offensive, or even the sound offensive perhaps, but the word ? Yes, if you are like me and unaware, every time you say the F-word, you are risking cussing in front of someone. The standard rule of thumb I am finding is that if a word has a large host of options and derivatives, that may be because the word being replaced is frequently found to be impolite. Just as in reference to the large host of names available for the male privates, there is a long list of replacement words for the F-word. Passing gas is at least a little better I am told, as is breaking wind. I am told that butt whistling is not an appropriate substitute.

Another natural body function that comes into question is the act of relieving oneself. This one works the opposite from others I have listed in that it is more appropriate for young children to use the word than it is us adults. Yep, you guessed it, the word is pee. Adults expect adults to use the word urinate, but if your youngin' says they have to pee, its generally not viewed as kids cussing. In contrast, if I as a 42 year old man mention I have to pee, it is considered rather chide and classless, why, because it brings offense and thus I have cussed. Anytime the other P word is used, you know the one that sounds like a snake hiss, you have committed a faux paux. The natural progression of this is from number 1 to number 2 of course. It is pretty well accepted that any use of the SH word is cussing. Whether it be a noun, verb, or adjective, this is always a cuss word. Its derivatives are not quit as clear though as age comes into play again. If your child says they need to crap, they are most likely going to make their mother choke on her linguine. If you say you have to crap, you may or may not be cussing, that is up to the listener to decide. If an adult says they need to poop, odds are they have just cussed were as if their child makes the same statement they are likely to get away without causing offense. If you try to use more creative language like , ' leaving a mud snake in the lavatory' you're likely going to fail and be guilty of cussing regardless of age.

I was unaware as well that the location of both numbers 1 and number 2 could also be cuss words. If you think about it though, this does follow my above mentioned rule about having multiple names for no other apparent reason. Why would the name restroom have been invented otherwise, no one ever gets any rest in there. It goes by the names lavatory, bathroom, john, can, head, crapper, sh.......er, restroom, library, and many others. To my surprise any of these can be found offensive to some. My simply saying I need to stop by the bathroom can be viewed as offensive to some who feel that I am sharing too much information, and since their level of offense determines whether or not I just cussed, I may well have just been vulgar without knowing it.

Other odd things that fall into this discussion. The normal jovial holiday greeting of a certain bearded fat man may be found offensive to those who have great sympathy for women who practice the oldest profession. Yes, I said it, you can be offensive by saying ho ho ho.

I could ramble for days and days about this. This idea just fascinates me at the moment. My advice to you is simple, it is better to just smile and nod than risk speaking sometimes.