History of the Urinal

I would first like to thank my faithful readers who commented on my last post. It would appear that at this moment anyway I have three faithful readers, or at least three who are brave enough to confess in public that they enjoy reading this blog. For those of you who read regularly but are not willing to admit it in public, I understand this too. I will now endeavor to pander to the brave souls who were strong enough and courageous enough to leave a comment. The overall consensus is that my readers want more “belly laughs”, one liners that make their husbands choke, and more frequent use of the word urinal. The following shameless pandering is going to be a post devoted almost entirely to the history and mystery of that wonderful invention, the urinal. I hope it is sufficient enough to generate a few belly laughs and a 911 call to remove the lodged pretzel from a certain husband in Texas.

When I first started doing my research into the history of the urinal, I had no idea how controversial and colorful a history the urinal actually had. The life of the urinal is full of stories that one would just not suspect. The first example is this, the urinal was first patented in the US by Andrew Rankin in March of 1866. He was not however the actual inventor of the device. No one seems to know its actual origin, but the stories go back all the way to the Roman Empire. There is a story of an unfortunate Roman soldier on his way home after a campaign abroad who stumbled upon a newly built aquifer. This device that brings water from the hills down into Rome was not there when he left for war many many months ago. Upon finding this trough filled with running water he was amazed and delighted, but as anyone knows, the sound of cool running water causes the urge to urinate to increase dramatically. Not knowing that the water was being sent to the cities baths and even to the palace, he though this would be a fine place to relieve this urge. Unfortunately for him, he was spotted by an extremely offended city engineer who had him hauled before the council. This poor Roman soldier was found guilty, castrated, and used as a eunuch slave for the rest of his days. So begins the story of mans desire to pee standing up into a trough of running water, so begins the sordid tale of the urinal.

The next point of interest in the tale of the urinal would be the period of womens suffrage. Is it a coincidence that the suffrage laws were passed between 1860 and 1890, and that the patent for the urinal was requested in 1866? No says I, and there are a lot of people who would agree with that assessment. The theory has two branches and it goes a little something like this. First theory is that as men began to recognize and fear the degradation and loss of the all boys club they had enjoyed for generations by now, there was a strong and popular movement to hold on to or acquire anything that was solely and uniquely a male bastion. The urinal filled this need. I mean think about it, a place only men could “go”. If you have ever seen a lady attempt to use a urinal, it’s a comically awkward sight at best. (Yes I have, don’t ask!) This fostered the growing popularity of the urinal and brought in the present glory days it now enjoys. The second theory is that Andrew Rankin only filed for the patent, it was invented by a women who was involved in the suffrage movement but was not allowed to file for it herself. She invented it as an idea to torment men by embarrassing them and encouraging them to have to relieve themselves in and awkward and demeaning manner. If this one is true it shows a lack of understanding by women of the male psyche. Men enjoy and relish their ability to “go” standing up, it’s a matter of pride in our manhood. Bishop Eddie Long even made that comment once in a sermon that, “One of Gods greatest gifts to man is the ability to pee outside while standing up” Men teach their sons this fine art, it’s a right of passage for small boys. The urinal allows men to engage in this activity indoors in a more socially acceptable environment. Finding a friendly bush by the side of the road still has some kind of freeing allure to it, but indoors is more appropriate when its possible. If a women invented this device in an attempt to emasculate the Brotherhood of Erect Standing Urinators, (BESU for short) she failed miserably.

The next point of interest in the urinals story comes around 1933. Herbert Clark Hoover, our 31st president was said to have installed the first urinal in Washington D.C. He had it installed in the private lavatory just off the oval office. This event was said to have not been done for civilized, and moral reasons. The rumor was that he did it out of a spiteful nature. Firstly, it was a slap at the resurfacing women’s movement, a small thing just to say that women don’t belong in the White House. The second, or more personal reason was that it was a childish and snarky thing done to aggravate incoming president Franklin D. Roosevelt. As most people are aware today, Roosevelt was in a wheel chair most of the time, which made urinal usage a bit more challenging. The tale is told that FDR being the stubborn prideful man he was, didn’t have it removed and insisted on using it regardless of the obvious issues. The urinal stayed in the oval office until it was removed by the Clinton administration, allegedly at the behest of Mrs. Clinton.

Now the story of the urinal moves to an even darker side. Along comes the civil rights movement. A senator from a southern state put a bill before congress that was to state that urinals were for ‘whites’ only. However, this southern senator, not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, or the brightest crayon in the box, goofed the way he wrote the bill. When the bill was passed into law it stated that urinals were to ‘be’ white only. The supreme court later determined that urinals were to be made from white porcelain and no other color of materials were to be permitted, they assumed that he wanted this for sanitary and hygiene reasons and not for the reasons he really intended. They also added and addendum to permit all stainless steel urinals as well. This would explain why I have seen pink toilets, avocado green and harvest gold toilets, but I have never seen a urinal in any color besides white.
Now we come to the 21st century. Urinals are still a prominent part of our culture as well as our history, but the urinal is ready to make yet another leap forward into the history books. Dr. Richard Deutsch has invented something that will again revolutionize the urinal and help to increase its popularity even further. I am going to print this next section straight from Wikipedia, just so you don’t think I made this up. ( I couldn’t make this up)


The Interactive Urinal Communicator is an advertising device invented by bioengineer Dr. Richard Deutsch for the Islip, New York company Wizmark. The 3.5 inch screen is placed in a urinal to promote products or services. Deutsch commented, "Now when nature calls, there is going to be something entertaining to look at and listen to."

The IUC as I will call it comes in many different styles and uses. It sits in the bottom of a urinal looking like your normal urinal cake ( for the uninitiated, a urinal cake is this small round waxy looking puck that sits in the bottom of urinals that gives off a flowery or fruity scent when water or other liquids run across its surface) One thing people have come to expect is that urinals in public restrooms such as bars, restraunts, and retail establishements use the space in front of the urinal as a small scale billboard and advertize everything from their happy hour special to the one day only sale on golf balls. Well, one of the things the IUC does, is once it becomes either liquid or motion activated it can start playing its audio commercial. That’s right, this high tech urinal cake starts talking to the person who activated it This sidelight is not however the purpose for the good doctors invention. In fact, California may require all alcohol serving establishments to have IUC’s in their restrooms. The reason is that the original design by the doctor created a device that could read the alcohol content of the urine and only activate if the level was an issue. In other words, when the drunk guy bellied up the urinal the IUC would activate and say something like, “ Please give your keys to the bar tender, YOU sir are too drunk to drive tonight” Wizmark (no I didn’t make that up) also markets IUC’s that play music and have flashing lights in them. I can see young boys just going bonkers with that, cant you? Man being what he is, you know its just a matter of time before they sell a version that you can customize with your own message.

I can see it now. Some guy goes into the restroom at a bar in Texas and starts to ‘go’. The next thing he knows he hears the voice of the ‘lady’ bartender say something to him. Now, you know the bartender I am talking about, her voice is made from unfiltered Camels and Tequila with lime. Her name is One Eyed Sally, Cheese Feet Chelsea, or Back Fat Betty or something like that. (Don’t pretend you don’t know Back Fat Betty, shes the one with that prison tattoo poking out on the jiggly flub overhanging the top of the jeans and under hanging the bottom of the thong string whilst not covered by the tube top. You didn’t want to look but you did because she has that train wreck quality, and check the roots, nevermind I digress)

Anyway, Tex is taking a whiz when he hears the voice of Greasy Gretta say, “ Hey there , Big Boy, you don’t need to be driving any, why don’t ya let me give you a ride tonight ?” After Tex is done tripping over himself and whizing all over the place he is gonna end up climbing out a window and walking home. I can also see an increase in UFO reports coming from out west as the flashing lights start turning up in bar urinals, look for it soon on NBC news.

I wonder how well Wizmark stock is doing right now.
Now you know the history of the urinal according to me.