Undies

The linked article here : http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/News/TheEconomyDyn.aspx?cp-documentid=20018117&GT1=33002

is called, "what men's undies tell us about the economy".

According to the article, one of the indicators that really smart people like Alan Greenspan use to determine the health of our economy is the sale trends of men's underwear. The theory is that underwear is one of the first things men stop purchasing when they feel an economic squeeze. Reason being, no body sees them anyway and as long as they still function, they don't need to be replaced. This obviously doesn't apply to women's drawers equally. Once men regain some confidence in their financial situation, they then re-enter the underwear market and purchase new skivvies to replace their well worn and itchy hole filled ones they have been skimping by on for a while. On the surface this seems logical, and in practice it does seem reasonable, but lets talk about this a little shall we.

Well after reading this article a little while ago I decided to put the premise into practice. I came home and took a full inventory of my collection of boxer shorts. Yes, that's not a euphemism, I only adorn myself with boxers. I don't like the tightey whiteys because, well, they are tight and white. I like loose and uh, free better than tight and pent up. ( Too much info I am sure, but what were you expecting from me?) I like darker colors and colorful patterns, it avoids or delays the yellow in front brown in back type issues. Bikini briefs present a different issue, my pants are usually sagging in the rear and if the briefs are too brief then you get the Greek hairy plumbers crack point of view, and nobody wants that. The thong or g-string is just forbidden for my age bracket and really, why would any guy want to risk sending the boys to opposite sides of the room anyway? So, what was I saying, oh yes, inventory. I have 18 pairs of boxers. Of these 18 pairs, 10 of them are worn so badly that the elastic is showing through the top. 5 of these are in danger of catastrophic failure. All 10 are well past their prime. I have one pair that has a series of little holes in the right hip, they have been there for years but the holes are now growing towards each other. I have 1 light blue pair with a palm tree on them that have gotten too loose around the legs, feels like having a skirt on when I wear them (let it go, for your own good, let it go) So that's 12 of 18 that need replaced at this point. I also have one pair that is too tight, they must have shrunk or something. The oldest pair is something like 10 years old, and the newest is at a gift from Christmas. Having said all that, 83% of my undies need pitched. This would follow with Greenspans theory, but by using me as the benchmark, we have been in a recession for a couple of years and we hit depression last year.

Now, having had taken inventory, I went to Meijers last night. I went with the intention of stimulating the economy. I planned to buy me at least one new pair of boxers and maybe buy one a week for the next few weeks. I figured if I could do this and get a few of my friends to do the same, we could put some some movement behind the leading underpants indicators and get this economy rolling again. I found a pair of boxers like the ones I wear and the price was $10.00. I put them back without making a purchase. I am not willing at this time to put out a ten spot for some drawers. I guess Greenspan is right after all, and worse yet, there is no sign of economic improvement, at least according to the undie indicators.

Maybe next week I will be in a better position to start this economic recovery. For now, I will muddle through with the 10+ year old pair of well worn comfort that I have on right now. If your in a position to do so, run out and buy some undies, the GAO (Government Accounting Office) is eagerly awaiting your input. If all the men in Ohio just went ahead and bought one pair we could at least jump start the economy in Ohio. Who knows what we could do from there.