Tickle has been found by our crack investigator Barney. Mr. Fife looked us straight in the eye and told us he has seen Tickle himself, as of yet nothing bad has happened too her. He said its a story you wouldn't believe.
Barney said:
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Having exhausted my information in Pari' France, the alleged home to Fritz the counter to intelligence spy, code named 'walks when he pees'. I was left with only my second lead. This took me to a remote outpost in Kalamazoo Michigan. I was led to a man who said he was employed by a King. He said he used to be a King, but now he just worked for one. I questioned him for hours and hours. This 'former' King just kept speaking in riddles. I asked him if he knew Tickle, and the answer was, " He aint nothin' but a hound dog, rocking all the time" , I point out that Tickle was a she, but the 'former' King didn't seem to care. I asked if he knew where Tickle was, and he said, " Are you Lonesome tonight", and I said yes, I need to find Tickle. could you point me in a direction please. and he said" Aloha from Haw-a-ii", I said, I am fine, haw -a -you. Oh wait, your saying Tickle is in Hawaii, now I get it. What else can you tell me? He said," the King has a hunk a hunk a burnin love", so the King being his boss I proceeded to go find out what that meant.
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Upon my arrival in Hawaii I was led to mysterious figure who was the head of the super secret spy stuff. Dick Wilson, code name Mr. Whipple said he had information on Tickle and would share it for a price. I told him that was fine and for a few sawbucks he told me I needed to see one called the Governator. While I was listening to him I noticed that this odd little man had a roll of toilet paper on his desk, so just out of curiosity I picked it up. Mr. Wilson, immediately started jumping up and down screaming at the top of his voice to put it down put it down, don't squeeze Charmin, don't squeeze Charmin. I fled quickly with my bullet still in my left front shirt pocket even though I was in fear of my life from this madman. It wasn't till later that I discovered that Mr. Wilson and Mr. Whipple were really one schizophrenic person, and Mr. Whipple thought the roll of toilet paper was his imaginary friend and if you squeezed it you hurt his little friend. In spite of this mans obvious insanity I still sought out and met with the Governator.
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The Governator turned out to be a code name as well. He introduced himself to me as Are- Nold. Mr. Nold and I spoke for some time, but alas he was speaking in riddles as well. He just kept on saying "I'll be back" . He did eventually tell me that I needed to speak to the Godfather. I said, " the Holy Father or the Pope?", and he said no, the Godfather. He said if I went to him on his daughters wedding day, which was tomorrow, I could make a request of him, so I did.
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Tickle had been spotted on Tienanmen Square overlooking the picture of Chairman Mao.
Then we discovered that Tickle had been seen in the Forbidden City so we went there quickly.
We actually caught a fleeting glimpse of Tickle for the first time in person. Tickle was pretending to be one of the stone dragons in the City to avoid being caught. I asked Mr. Rogers how we were going to get Tickle to allow us to find her if she was running from everyone. Mr. Rogers said that it was a simple matter, we just need to work with the children. The children are my friends and the like me. I asked how that would help and he said just to follow him.
Sure enough, it wasn't all that much longer before Mr. Rogers asked a group of kids if they knew where Tickle was hiding. The group just stood there like they were made of stone, all of them except one little girl. One little girl raised her hand and politely asked if Tickle was in trouble and needed help from the nice men. Mr. Rogers assured her that we were there to help Tickle. Once we covered all this, much to our surprise Tickle was standing fight behind the little girl.
Alas, Tickle was back in safe custody.
Tickle has since been placed in protective custody and will be kept on a high shelf until the time is appropriate to publicly reveal her whereabouts.
( Reality disclaimer, don't read the rest aloud: for those wanting the true story only. Tickle, the toy dog from McDonald's was in South Korea and has been either lost or misplaced. The toy was sent there with Gracie's sister Lia to keep her company while her real dog Fritz stays with us while she is away. I needed to find a new Tickle dog so that when Lia comes back from Korea the sisters can exchange Tickle back for Fritz. I purchased Tickle at an online collectibles website this morning and it should be arriving in two weeks. Tickle will be kept in a box in the garage until next June or July when Fritz's family comes home to get him. Oh the things we will do for our kids I guess.)
1 comment:
Did you notice Mr. Rogers' gun? If he pointed that at me, I'd be his friend too!
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