Groaner

When I blog I usually either have a message to convey, sometimes of a spiritual nature, sometimes not. I may have a story to relate to people, some event or something tremendously cute that Gracie did. I may even need to vent a bit about something. This is not one of these times, the following story is purely fictional and written only for entertainment value. I will warn all who might read beyond my intro to the story that this is middle school locker room humor and I am just taking a few minutes to have some fun with words.


We once had a friend who had identical twin daughters. These two young ladies were very attractive and very diminutive. I cannot say that they were midgets exactly but they were both in the 4 foot 5 range and both less than 100 lbs. So, lets just say they had the classic gymnast, cheerleader body type. I think one of them actually went on to be a Miami University cheerleader. They were both very nice young ladies as well as smart and a bit ornery. Okay, now the important things to remember are pretty, ornery, diminutive and twins. Now, its time for some fun with words. What do you call them when a young lady or in this case two young ladies invite someone over for dinner and to be their guest for the evening. You would call them a Hostess of course. This is also important to remember. These two ladies had run into the unfortunate situation, as sisters sometimes do, that they were both attracted to the same young boy. This is never a good thing to have happen, but these ladies were exceptionally close because they were not only sisters but identical twin sisters. So they decided to settle this matter in the best way they could, they invited the boy over for dinner, together, and they agreed that if he paid more attention to one than the other, then that was that, if not, they agreed that they would just have to share. They did not however inform the boy of their desires. We now have our hostesses with an agenda and a boy invited into their lair. When said boy arrives both the young ladies of questionable integrity at this point begin to faun over the unsuspecting soon to be victim. He ogles the sight of both the diminutive twins paying such lavish attention to him and his mind begins to create delusions of what may lie ahead for him this evening. The ladies are getting so giddy with their attentions to him that he begins to wonder about the sanity or sobriety of this ladies. Might they be:

Yes that's right, they might be hostess ding dongs. As the evening continued both of the diminutive twins became more and more appealing to him. He was able to overlook their obviously obsession with wining his attention, as he still mistakenly felt he had an even playing field with both of them. He could not get it through his head that they were only playing with him and this was not going anyplace like where he was imagining. He was still too stunned by the beauty of the:
And cup cakes they were at this point in time. And they were bringing a whole new meaning to the word hostess at this point. After dinner they sat down on the couch together and he naturally had one sister right up next to him snuggling in one on each side. This was just too good to be true. Could these two sweet young ladies of diminutive stature really be heading towards what he hoped? Could they really be:
Could they really be after his body in such a blatant manner. Are the twin seductresses headed towards a teen males wildest dream? Could they be ho one and ho two like a sultry Dr. Seuss book? Or will this story parallel The Cat and the Hat and once ho one and ho two are out of the box are they going to bring havoc until mom comes home? This is almost two much for a teen male to handle. He digs deep into his confidence level and begins to make his move, on both of them at once. He has decided that he wants to gamble and head straight for:
Straight for his doom. He did not pick one as the twins had wished, and in spit of how close they were to each other they just could not bring themselves to share this prize. They instead choose in unison to shun his advances and quickly became less than gracious hostesses. They informed him that he was no longer welcome in their company and that their mom Susan:

Suzy would be home shortly. Suzy would not like that fact that they were home alone with a boy and it was time for him to make a hasty departure. He was not at all amused by the situation as it turned out, but he was left with little choice in the matter. He had been brought to a height of expectation only to be dropped to the floor and left with (wait for it):

I hope my little fictional story has left you with a giggle and grin or two. If you were offended, I apologize for afflicting such humor on the unsuspecting populace, but its all just in good fun though be it somewhat questionable in taste. (pun about taste purely intentional).