Black Plague

Well this has been an interesting week. I have not been at work all week and I soooo would rather have been at work than been here at home.

PSA somewhat graphic commentary to follow.

Saturday night went on date night with wife, second date this year I think. Started feeling a little odd by end of movie, but not really bad.

Sunday morning, got up tired, and cold, very cold. Went and got so chores done quickly but didn't make it to church because I didn't feel like I should go with what is obviously a fever.

Sunday night, fever and headaches, large and rapid debilitating fevers with persistent headache.

Monday morning, second wave, nausea arrives, struggle to keep food down, don't want to eat. Food is temporary visitor at best by now. I am feeling weak.

Tuesday morning, wave three, diarrhea arrives. Water wont even stay down. I drink a 32 oz. bottle of water first thing in the morning and 16 oz leave via my nose and 16 oz blast out the poop shoot, both at same time with minimal warning. Still doing the laundry.

Tuesday 10 am I arrive at Urgent Care, nurse asks what she can do for me, I ask her to save me from the Black Plague. She then takes me to the back room and preps me for an IV. The doctor comes in with 3 other people, looks at my arm and asks if I have a preference of arm or back of hand. After telling him my hand, I warned him that if he missed my vein the first time he would have ample time to try again after I was unconscious. I don't think he believed me until he missed and about 60 seconds later I went off to La La land. When I awoke 2 minutes later I was being filled with fluid, anti-nausea and anti-diarrhea medication. About an hour later and 200ML of fluid intake, I felt almost human again. Almost

Wednesday I wake with then intention of being a normal productive male, only to find out that every last bit of stamina and energy I have ever had is gone. I attempt to do laundry, clean the kitchen, and fix supper. I get about half of this done and I feel like I have run a marathon at full sprint in the hot sun with a Mongolian oxen hitching a ride on my shoulders. (Mongolian oxen are also called water buffalo)

Thursday, again, life should be normal, but. I did get the kitchen clean and I am still working on the laundry, but things are moving oh so slowly. I will not be at work again until Monday. My head still has three banjo playing chimpanzee's and two bongo playing bovines playing bad jazz rhythms between my ears while Mexican jumping beans plant cabbage in my intestines. Anybody looking for an alternative fuel source or a cause for global warming need look no farther than Maineville.

I am looking forward to a normal feeling meal and the ability to turn food into a solid fecal lump instead of jet powered dirty water spray with enough pressure behind it to de-barnacle a battle ship hull.

As an aside, this week has produced two Gracie-isms.

"momma, do all moms have hair in their pit? it's scratchy" (translation is momma needs to shave arm pits, but I would like to find a person brave enough to correctly answer that question)

"momma, Madison said when babies leave their mommy's belly's they take them out of their panties, do they come from your vagina?"

Sometimes its good to be dad.