Vote GOD 2012

...............This just in on the AP news ticker........................





New candidate announces He is going to enter the campaign for President in the 2012 election. Seeming to come out of no where, yet this new candidate seems to have an awful lot going for Him. He has over 2000 years of experience in dealing with both domestic and foreign affairs. He has a unique economic plan that has been completely spelled out. He has a simple new plan for the tax code. He may run into some difficulties with His extremely hard line stance on some of Americas hot button issues however. Last night on 60 Minutes he did an interview with Mike Wallace to announce His candidacy.





............Transcript from 60 Minutes interview.............................





Mike:" So, uhm, Mr. God, you seem to have just suddenly appeared on the political scene, wha....."


God:" Mike, its just God, not Mr. God please, "


Mike:" Okay, God, first let me ask then, do you have a last name?"


God:" I am"


Mike:" Fine then, Mr. I Am, as I started to ask before, You are new here and not many people have ever heard of You before, so what makes You think You are qualified to be president of the most powerful country on earth. I mean no disrespect, but it seems a little strange don't You think."


God:" Not really Mike, I created it after all so I would think I could manage to help you straighten out this mess you have made of things:


Mike:"You created what? The presidency or America. According to my history books Washington created the presidency and a host of our forefathers created America, what could you possibly have had to do with it."


God," Not exactly Mike, I created the earth is what I meant"


Mike:" Oh, so you say. It seems to me that all the science books and scientists say the 'Big Bang' created it"


God," Nope, that was Me too"


Mike:" Well, lets move on, Your platform states that you have a simplified tax plan that would be fair and equitable to all, what exactly is that plan, can you give us any details?"


God," Sure Mike, 10%, the first 10%, from every single individual. Simple"


Mike." Simple yes, but is it fair? What about the poor, what about tax deductions to encourage home ownership, what about the rich, shouldn't they pay more to help out the poor?"


God:" Mike, 10% period. its the job of the rich to help take care of the poor, true, but not through their taxes, they should help the poor in their own cities and neighborhoods"


Mike:" Okay, next topic, it has been said that You already have Your entire staff picked, including Your VP candidate, is this true?"


God:" Yes, of course"


Mike:" May I ask who they are?"


God:" My VP would be my only begotten Son, His name is Jesus. The other cabinet posts would be filled by my Angels, the ambassadorships would be filled by the Disciples"



Mike:" I am afraid I don't know them either. You seem to have a strong following, if not huge in number, they seem to be very rabid supporters"

God:" I prefer to think of them as devout, not rabid."

Mike:" It says here that you have a health care plan, a plan that would provide health care for everyone, how will that work?"

God:" My Son is in charge of that, He has gifted many people to help Him, they are the Apostles. Anyone who is ill or injured, infirm or blind, need only seek Him or one of the Apostles with a healing gift and they will be healed of whatever ails them, free of charge."

Mike:" Oh, your Son is a doctor, you didn't mention that before"

God:" He is a Great Physician"

Mike:" It also says You have a plan for peace, could You tell us about that?"

God:" For years now there have been wars and rumors of wars, hate, and rampant destruction. I will unleash one last great battle and at the end of the battle there will be no more war, no more destruction, no more hunger, no more hate, every tear will be wiped away."

Mike:" You plan on a war, that's interesting, will you build up the US military a little more first, strengthen the Air Force maybe, or........."

God:" No, I have no use for the military. I have my own army, an army of Children"

Mike: (losing his temper and screaming)" Children? Children? You want to send children into battle? Isn't it bad enough to send our young men, but to send children? Why would you even give a child a gun?

God:" I wouldn't give a child a gun, I give my Children a sword, a shield, and a helmet, but not a gun"

Mike:" I just don't understand you, wanting to send children to war. Do you not think their parents might object to this."

God:" I would only send My children so no there will be no objections. My Son will lead them and I will carry a standard behind them. I assure you, they will win this battle without a single loss."

Mike:" Well, that is utter nonsense in my opinion Mr. I Am. Mr. I Am, we have been taking emails from our viewers since the beginning of this interview, would you be willing to answer whatever random questions they might put to you. A town hall type of situation. Are you willing to answer to the voters at this time?"

God:" Of course Mike, what is the first question?"

Mike:" Okay, from Lily in Wisconsin, Lily asks what kind of car to you own? To us here in Wisconsin protecting our environment is important so I want to know if you drive a responsible car."

God:" Good question Lily, I do not own a car, I have no use for one"
Mike:" How do you get from place to place then?"

God:" A pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. The fire helps light the way, makes night time travel a bit easier"

Mike:" Does your 'pillar' burn fossil fuel?"

God:" Of course not"

Mike:" From Micheal in Alabama, Micheal asks what is your favorite breakfast cereal. I think you can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to put into their bodies."

God:" Micheal, I am just coo coo for Coco Puffs. I love a chocolate and milk morning. I will tell you a little secret, I even add sugar to them."

Mike:" From Shameless Sandy in Michigan. Sandy asks the age old presidential question, boxers or briefs?"

God:" Commando, (leans in to whisper) but don't tell the Mormons, that would mess with their heads. And by the way Sandy, ditch that boyfriend of yours, he is trouble, mark My words"

Mike:" From John in Kentucky, John wants to know what religion are you?"

God:" I don't care much for religion, that is something that man invented"

Mike:" Last question is from David in Israel. David asks if you think you have a chance of winning a popular vote election?"

God:" David, a man after my own heart, yes David, I could win, but right now I am behind in the polls."

Mike:" One last question from me Mr. I AM. How would you describe your foreign policy?"

God:" My foreign policy and My domestic policy are identical. Love thy neighbor."


................End transcript..................................

God has received numerous requestions for interviews since His announcement. He is currently scheduled to appear on Oprah later this week and on the O'Reily factor next week. He has turned down a request from the NFL to appear at the Superbowl, He says he prefers not to work on Sunday, but He would be happy to sit next to Kornheiser on Monday night Football.

...........End Ticker................