APB

All Points Bulletin:

This just in:

Tickle has been reported missing. MIA, AWOL, vaporized, gone, location unknown. She was last seen in Mt. Vernon Illinois in route to South Korea via Kansas. It is unknown at this time what exactly happened or when she disappeared. There are many rumors and stories however.

The first rumor is that she has been abducted by aliens. Worshippers of the Hale Bopp comet have been reported as saying they saw her just a few weeks ago near a black hole just outside our solar system. They claim that she was wearing a hula skirt and coconut bra with Perry Como playing in the background. This is the least likely scenario because it is a well known fact that she hates Perry Como.

The second rumor is that she has been abducted by a renegade gang of escaped penguins. One witness, a trustworthy looking heffalump, claims to have spotted her in an alley in the Bronx being chased by some penguins. The heffalump called the police but when they arrived they could find nothing of Tickle. The penguins were still there, but they just stood there a looked cute and cuddly. The heffalump also claimed to have seen Elvis in a Burger King in Kalamazoo Michigan a few years ago, so her story is skeptical. The police were all woozles, so we are skeptical about trusting them either.

A third rumored sighting comes to us from an island off the south eastern shore of Africa. A king, King Julian to be exact, claims to have seen the New York Giants on his Island as well as claiming that Tickle was with them. I don't know about you, but this reporter doesn't think the Giants have a game in Madagascar, so why would they be there, and why would Tickle have hitched a ride with them? Upon further conversations with King Julian, he seems to be just a little too enamored with himself and might just be seeking attention.

The fourth, last, and most plausible rumor is that Tickle is actually a double super secret double agent. Tickle is actually a spy working for both North and South Korea. She may have gone underground if she thought her cover had been blown, or one of the two parties has her and is trying to pry information out of her. The truth might just be that she really is loyal to the United States and may be in hiding trying to find a way to contact her superiors in Washington. Once she makes this contact a commando force of Green Beret squirrels will be sent in to rescue her. If this doesn't go as planned she may be held hostage until a hostage exchange program can be arranged. It is rumored that a French spy ( named Fritz) of some prestige is being held somewhere in the Midwest, Ohio most likely, and he could be traded for Tickles freedom some time in the future.

Now for the Weather:

I partly sunny with a chance of rain or snow followed by flood warnings, hurricanes, and lost children in helium mylar balloons, film at 11..............