Guilty

Well I am now considered a law breaker. I have done a terrible terrible terrible thing and violated the laws of these here United States. Specifically, I have broken a law in the great State of Ohio. You can now look for my picture to be posted in the post office. My story may show up on Americas most Wanted, you just never know. My name may become as common as Bonnie and Clyde, or maybe even Jesse James. My crime spree may become a mini-series on the Life Channel or even the History Channel. I must apologize to my family and my friends for letting them down, but truth be known, I am just a common criminal at this point.

Here is the story.

I was driving on Sunday morning, just as I should be, on my way to church. My family, lovely wife and beautiful daughter in tow as we go on our way. On the way to church I notice flashing lights behind me so I slow down. and scoot to the right, as I should, expecting him to pass. He does not pass, he scoots over with me. He is pulling me over. The speed limit on this state route goes from 55 to 45 to 35 when you hit town and then back to 45 and then 55 as you leave. In town there is one stop sign. Now I go back through my mind, yes I made the correct adjustments as I came through, yes I counted to 3 seconds while sitting at the stop sign. I am not weaving and I am even wearing my seat belt. My lovely wife, even though she recently had abdominal surgery is also wearing her seat belt. Gracie, of course, is strapped into her booster seat as is expected. I have no idea why he is pulling me over.

The nice officer, all of about 22 years old it would appear, comes up along side and stays behind my door and informs me that I had a birthday in September. Yes I did, did he pull me over to wish me a belated happy birthday? Well, of course he did, and to let me know that my drivers license expired on my birthday, just shy of two months ago. He asked for my drivers licence and proof of insurance and asked why I hadn't gotten it fixed yet. I explained that Angie had surgery and I just wasn't something I had made time to do yet, but I will get it taken care of. He asked when the surgery was, I said about 4 weeks ago. He pointed out that my license expired two months ago and told me to stay in the car and he would be back. I stayed in the car and took opportunity to wave at the rest of our congregation as they passed on this main road to the church. One of our friends even commented that he really hoped I hadn't been drinking! No, I drink on beverage about every 3-6 months, not on Sunday mornings.

The officer sits in his car for about 13 minutes and then returns to inform me that he is 'issuing me a citation'. I said, " are you serious?" He said, "yes, I took into account her surgery, but your license expired almost two months ago" He explained what my options were, I could go to mayors court and protest it if I choose, or I could follow the instructions listed on the ticket and mail it in. He then asked if I understood. I said," I will pay it, but no I don't get it!" He then said in the best aggressive tone his young skinny pimply face could muster, "Do you have a question for me?" I said "yes, I don't get it, I got a reminder notice from the State of Ohio that said something about 90 days and 180 days on it, I thought I had more time and was going to get around to it before the 90 days was up, I just haven't moved it up on the priority list yet because of the other things going on!" He said," In the State of Ohio, you have to renew before your birthday, that is all, any other questions?"

"No, No sir, well, yes, can I just pay you?"

He laughed, although I don't think my implication was totally lost on him because he made sure to inform me of his authority one last time. "Well, then, if you have no further questions you are free to go"

(Free at last free at last, thank God almighty.....................)

Thanks Barney for telling me I am free ( Do they let you keep one bullet in your left front pocket?). This guy is a Maineville police officer. The actual town of Maineville is pretty stinking small and they have something like 3 or 6 police officers.(Cooter works in the garage to make sure all the cars stay running) I know going to Mayors court is going to be a waist of energy so I put my $71.19 in the mail on Sunday afternoon. I also took off work for a little while on Monday morning and went to the BMV and spent another $25 to get me picture took-en.

I had to sign the back of the ticket stating that I was guilty as charged and my penalty was remitted.

I am guilty, guilty as charged. My license had expired. I am a bad bad man. But I am a free man, for now.

If the check bounces I will become a hobo and hop freight car after freight car until I can sneak across the Rio Grande and make my way to the Mexican shore of the Caribbean. You will be able to find me there on a resort beach selling friendship beads and sleeping in a hut. My new name will be Juan Valdez. I will be wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a burro on it.

All kidding aside, I just forgot to get it done and I did think I had 90 days to do so. I had no idea that I could get pulled over just for that reason and that reason alone. This guy must have been really bored to just sit and run every plate that came through the only intersection in town that morning, but the law is the law and I have paid my fine and corrected the situation. (even thought I am giving the guy grief I do respect the officers of the law)