Nationwide

"Nationwide is on your side, Nationwide"

NOT

Nationwide, for those who may not know, is an all purpose insurance company, and above is their key line from their commercials. As you might guess, I am having some difficulty with them at the moment. Here is the story:

On Sunday, September 14th, two notable things occurred. First, I officially turned forty, yippee. My present, in case you missed it, was 76 mph winds riping the shingles off my roof, and pretty much every roof in the neighborhood. Yes, hurricane force winds, brought all the way up the Ohio river valley by what was Hurricane Ike. First thing Monday morning I called my insurance claim center and filed my wind damage claim. I was told that my claim would be filed and someone from the claim center would be calling shortly to confirm receipt of claim and let me know when the adjuster would be coming out. A few hours later (not too bad service so far) someone called me and informed me that:

:: Your claim has been received and filed and an adjuster will be calling you in the next 5 days to let you know when they will be arriving::

I asked them, specifically, if the adjuster would just be calling or would be arriving in 5 days.

:: They will call in 5 days, and they usually call the same day they come out, sometimes they call and let you know they will be out the next morning, but it should only be 5 days::

Now, its Friday and I haven't heard a peep from them, so, being diligent but not nagging it is time to call and make certain they will be calling, and arriving, sometime today.

Call number one is to the Nationwide claims office in Centerville Ohio, the folks who called me. I get the obligatory answering machine, but this one requires I type in the 4 digit extension number of the party I need to speak too. Naturally, the lovely human who called me did not give me such a number, (accidentally no doubt) and they didn't even give me a name, just my claim number. I figure, okay, just hit zero for the operator, nope, that sends you to the general voice mail box which no doubt is a dust covered rotary phone on a closet floor someplace. So, being the stubborn sort I push number 3 which gives me an alphabetical listing of the people there. I write down the name and extension number of 3 people who have friendly sounding names, Amanda, Angie, and Bob. I type in there extension numbers one at a time. Amanda is busy or away from her phone and I could leave a message, but, if she is busy right now, who am I to bother her. Angie cant come to the phone right now, and I could leave her a message and she will get right back with me, but again, if she cant come to the phone she must be occupied with more important things that little ol' me, so I try Bob. Bob apparently has no arms and no legs and is in the pool cooling off so I give up this line of attack for now.

Call number two is to the Nationwide call center, the place I called to file the claim initially. A nice 'English as a second language' person is who I am directed to after 'saying' things to a computer for a while first. This lovely lady who I can hardly understand offers to transfer me to the claims office, but this phone number is different than the one I called. I told her the story from above and she said she would obtain a person in that office and connect me directly. Wonderful, now, enter Joe.(oh marvelous Joe)

I am transferred to Joe, who asks for my claim number. I supply it and then Joe informs me that an adjuster has not yet been assigned to my case, and in fact he doesn't even see a claim as being filed.

:: Give it a few more days and I am sure an adjuster will be assigned and then call you, we are doing the best we can and someone will get with you soon:: (just a few more days fo to tote the weary load)

Joe, now I am worried that you don't even see my claim, if I give them a few more days to call, when do you figure they will arrive.

::I have no idea, usually sometime after that, could be some time after that, we are very busy right now::

(okay, now I have a genius, of course it will be after, couldn't be before now could it, no, I don't expect a call saying I was coming to your house yesterday see you then)

Joe, I realize your busy, but all insurance companies are, but somehow all my neighbors have people on their roofs fixing the damage or adjusters writing things up and taking pictures, but I have only you on the phone. (and your giving me the impression you cant pour piss out of a boot with the directions on the heel)

::All I can tell you is we are doing our best and we will get to you as quickly as possible. We have a lot of claims right now::

Well, that's not news, all the people have lots of claims right now but your best doesn't seem to be holding up to the average, could you pass me up to a supervisor who might be able to put me in contact with someone who has more answers? ( I don't think he even listened to this question)

::I cant do that, we are told to just let you know we are doing what we can and we will be with you as soon as possible::

Joe, where are you? (and do you need both hands to find your behind?)

::Canton Ohio, up near Akron::

Joe, that's not near Centerville is it? The call I got came from Centerville, not Canton.

:: I don't know where Centerville is, or if we even have a Centerville office, I know there have been people calling our customers saying they are from Nationwide and they are not, and they have been telling people that we will be there in a few days and we wont, but we are doing the best that we can.::

(conspiracy theorist professional at work, kids don't try this at home. I wonder if he has Roswell posters in his room, and if he says 'best we can' one more time I am going to pluck out his adams apple through his nose holes and perform and alien autopsy on it.)

Joe, are you sure you don't have a supervisor? Never mind, Joe, thanks for your help.

Call number three. Now I call my local agent and tell Sue the short version of what I have shared with you. I express my concerns about not having a claim, and she puts me at ease on that one because she says it shows on her file as active claim with the Ohio Storm Center. (oh goodie) Sue gives me another phone number to call, but alas, its the number I have for the claims office operated by ghosts and of course Bob who is still in the pool. She tells me that there are real people working there and she will call the direct line and find a person for us to talk to and call me right back. I have met Sue in person so I know she isn't jerking me around like Joe the wonder dork was. Sue calls me back about 10 minutes later and tells me she only gets a busy signal on the direct line and had the same result as me going through the public number. (wonder if Bob is getting pruny yet, maybe I should have looked for his friend Matt)

Sue says she will keep calling until she reaches a person. Maybe Debbie, the operator at this center, will finish her make up and answer the phone at some point. Good luck Sue. If this progresses into tomorrow I may spend the weekend looking into Progressive, Geico, and All State. I will keep you updated and post pictures of the roof shortly.

Nationwide says they are on my side, but I feel like they are standing behind me, waiting for me to bend over.