Oddly silly.

Mark said...
Freud would have a field day with you... :)

This comment is my inspiration for today's silly blog post. My friend left this all too true comment, truer than I am willing to share in public. I will share some observations that I have made though, because in the post he was referring to I was talking about male bathroom habits. This is just because I am observant that I notice these things. The odd little quirks in life are what make life interesting, and make people even more interesting.

Have you ever noticed that some places just have a unique smell all there own. As soon as you walk in you recognize the smell.

Nursing homes for example. They have that "old people" smell going on. Old peoples houses have that old people smell too, but when you walk in a nursing home you have old people smell times 50. What exactly makes that smell? Is it the wrinkles?

Boys locker room. The combination of smelly feet, urinal cakes, 3 days without a shower under arm B-O, and the overly humid un-vented stale air make for a universally recognizable fragrance. ( Notice I even left off the part about the stench from the jock strap area, aren't you proud of me)

Bar bathrooms. This is a two fer. First you have the obligatory smell that is the same no mater what bar your in. The bathrooms smell of overly beer diluted urine. That little added somthin' somethin' is the smell of vomit that has impregnated the plastic trash can in the corner. In the non aroma related category, has anybody else noticed that the floors in bar bathrooms are always sticky?

New cars. What exactly causes that new car smell? Why does that new car smell air freshener smell more like baboon sweat than a new car? Does that new car smell go away because the car starts to smell like me? If this is the case, I apologize now.

Has anybody else noticed that baseball games and football games smell different? I don't know why, I am guessing its the season, but football games smell more like bar bathrooms and baseball games smell like peanuts.

The zoo also has a smell all its own, large animal make large deposits that leave large smells, nuff said.

Now moving on away from smells to other odd things I have observed.

If you are sitting across the room from someone who is wearing a watch and the look at it to see what time it is, and then you walk up and ask them the time, the will have to look at their arm again. Why is this?

The more clothing a women has the less she has to wear and the longer it takes to get ready. Also in this true-ism, is that if someone else is doing the laundry (like say the husband for example) the only thing suitable to wear is either dirty or wrinkled because it wasn't hung properly.

Young attractive women are almost never seen in public in the early hours of the morning. I am out and about at 5 AM every weekday. I have observed that you never ever see these people at that time of morning. The gas stations are full of ugly men like me, and a fair amount of the young hunky construction workers with too tight jeans and muscles popping out of their shirts, but no pretty ladies. The 24 hour McDonald's drive thru, same thing, you might find a friendly female but she is always hard, tattooed, older, and from the East German swim team. The waffle house has its own saying (the shy or easily offended need to skip the next sentence) Third shift at the waffle house has more tits than teeth.

For those of you who covered your eyes, you can come back now.

Have you ever noticed that women don't collect belly button lint? I don't think this is fair, they should have to pull it out too. Why is that, do male belly buttons have teeth and women's just have gums? Or maybe its a conspiracy by the clothing manufactures of the world and men's clothing just produce more lint than female clothing. Somebody needs to look into this. Maybe one of the presidential candidates can add lint free male clothing as a promise on their platform, they have promised me most everything else.

Did anybody else notice the new Coke caps on the 20 oz bottles? These things are terrible. I do some work for Coke and complained to the head maintenance guy at the local bottling plant. He said they hate them too, but for now its what we are stuck with. Hope it goes away faster than New Coke did.

Things have been a little too serious around her lately, so I just wanted to lighten the mood a bit, thanks for the inspiration Mark, and I mean that both in terms of this blog and in my personal life.