Answer number five

Answer number five is brought to you, again, at the request of Charlie. Charlie requested:

* The joys of cooking...........with squirrel.

This will take a minute, so hang on tight and be patient.

I got a phone call from my mom the other night (slight interruption here, back in my rant warning post I whined about nobody ever calling me except mom and Angie, my sis in law called, yeah!!) and mom is feeling a bit depressed these days. This is not unusual, she has been on dialysis for years, heart problems, etc etc. This call came with a purpose however. She called to tell me to go to the store and stock up. Silly little ol' me had to ask, I knew better, but I had to ask, uh, why mom. Well, son, with the (deep breath) earth quake in China, the typhoon in Burma, gas prices at $4 bucks a gallon and climbing rapidly towards $10 to $15 bucks a gallon, North Korea, Pakistan, Iran, India, Israel, and Syria all joining the nuclear bomb club, global warming, polar caps melting, raging wildfires in the west and now the south getting worse each year, war in the middle east, the creation of the European union, banking and housing market collapses, tornado and hurricanes getting more common and stronger each year, the Dali Llama refusing to be re-incarnated, bird flu pandemics, anthrax scares, the entire continent of Africa is starving and has no clean water, Hillary running for president, cancer rates and aids rates are on the rise, the government is going bankrupt and has already become corrupt, this can only mean one thing.

Okay mom, tell me, what does this mean and why do I need to go to Kroger's.

You need to (I am 100% serious with this so I will put it in quotes) "stock up on canned fruit and vegetables, and buy lots of flour while you still can. You can freeze the flower, and even if your freezer doesn't work you can just keep it in a container. You can always strain it through a window screen to get the bugs out if need be. The end is near and you need to be prepared to take care of your family."

I gotta give her credit for the window screen thing, that's pretty McGuyver like if you think about it. So, in an effort to not be foolish and to not dismiss my mothers words as the rambling of the severely depressed and mentally exhausted, I decided to think this through. Its always better to be prepared, just in case. My first thought was, theologically, I shouldn't be here for the end of days, but lets just say I am wrong and must live through the end times. I have often wondered, why would you, if you are a believer, even attempt to survive a tribulation and make it to the end. I suppose you could argue that there is unfinished evangelism to do, so I will go with that and contemplate survival of the end. What do I need to survive:

1. Direct TV, okay not really
   
2. Water. I live within a few miles of a good size river, I could boil it to purify it and strain it through a sheet. Lots of wood around to burn as long as I have my trusty axe, just in case the power is off.
   
3. Shelter. If my house is taken or flattened, the same river has bridges we could move under one and keep out of the elements that way.
   
4. Food. I have all that canned fruit (anybody bring a can opener) and bug infested flour. (what exactly do you do with flour?)
   
5. Self defense and tools for food acquisition. Got it covered.

That brings me to a thought. I have the ability to hunt food if need be, but I am guessing the bigger game (deer) will thin out pretty quick so I might have to get used to hunting smaller game. What small game is prevalent in my area and something I could hunt, find, shoot, and eat. Something that is plentiful enough it wont become scarce quickly and easy enough to find and shoot. Rabbits? Plentiful yes, but they live in tall grass and without a hound to help out, not going to be efficient. Raccoon? nope, nocturnal, cant find them when its light enough to see. Possum? Nope, in the end of days these nasty little evil creatures will all have jobs and be wearing suits. Ah, I know, squirrel. They tend to sit still in the tree tops and don't know your lookin at em' so they make easy targets. They are plentiful in the woods around the river. I can fry them up in a skillet over an open fire to provide meat for my family. I now have a survival plan. Maybe I better stock up on some lard for that frying too, or maybe just go with the squirrel rotisserie plan. Now I am back to trying to find a use for all that flour.

So, remember, the end is near and if your hungry its always a joy to cook a squirrel. I just hope they don't ever figure out how to shoot back.