Snow

So today it snows, not a huge thing in Ohio I wouldn't think, but this is the Cincinnati area we are talking about. Now, to give the people their due, we are projected to get 12-15 inches of snow in a 48 hour period. Again, this is not a big deal for most places, but at 15 inches we would surpass the yearly snowfall of most of the last 10 years. This is cause for a little bit of concern, maybe an extra mention of it on the nightly news. Maybe even cause for a ticker to run across the bottom of the network channels to keep us informed of things that might be closing early or meetings that might be cancelled. But, in case I forgot to mention it, this is the Cincinnati area. What that means, for those not familiar with the area, is that no person, reporter, or any living creature has ever seen snow before. Nobody can drive in it, nobody know just what think about it, nobody knows what to do now. The collective conscious of the entire region goes into a panic. The mantra becomes, "the white death is upon us" It doesn't matter if it snowed last week, nobody has ever seen the stuff before. So, please indulge me whilst I make fun of were I live.

"Did you here the latest news report about the weather forecast. NORAD (actually its NOAH) is calling for up to a foot of snow by dawn. We gotta go to the store and buy bread and milk before its all gone, we could be hold up in here for days, weeks even. Did you remember to restock the crackers and canned beets in the basement? The ones we used for thanksgiving. Never mind, I will get some extra at the store if its not all gone yet. The shelves might be gittin' kinda bare by the time I get there, I better hurry. Do we have batteries for the flashlight and the transistor radio down there? You get the kids down stairs and take some extra blankets and water, I will get off to the store. If I don't make it back, remember, I love you, and the little one, but don't re-marry or I will haunt you forever. Oh, yeah, take the dog and some food for him too. If it comes right down to it, we could eat him if we had to. Well, off to the store I go."

One hour later.

"Honey, I made it. The shelves were bare but I got most of what we needed. Have you seen the can opener? I couldn't believe how many people were there, I was in line 10 deep. It was a made house. I had to whack some old lady with my cart to get to the beef jerky. I told her I would share but she wanted to buy it all. I wish people wouldn't wait to the last minute to prepare for these disasters, it makes it hard on the rest of us."

Weather warning buzzer goes off on television.

"This is a severe winter storm advisory. Expect high winds, drifting snow, low temperatures, and accumulation up to 18" by morning. You are asked to not leave your home unless absolutely necessary. If you must leave, remember to dress warmly, and in layers, like and onion, or a parfait, everybody loves parfait. Put women, children, and animals in a warm and safe place, preferably the basement just in case your roof falls in from the weight of the snow."

3 minutes later

"Now its time for the traffic report, how is it out there Balinda? (Balinda is a weather bunny standing outside in a arctic parka, a scarf, and a toboggan, sweating alot because its really only 27 degrees and she is dress for -10. But hey, she is on the scene) Its terrible out here, people are mad I tell you, absolutely mad. Look at the highway, traffic is snarled all over. People cant see what lane they are in, they are not signalling their intentions, and worse yet, they are sliding into things all over the place. Its madness I tell. By the time this is over we may have thousands of stranded motorists and hundreds of abandoned vehicles. Its only going to get worse, stay home people, its utter carnage out here"

3 minutes later

"Now its time for a weather update. More snow, this could be worse than the blizzard of 78. The Governor has been asked to declare a state of emergency. When asked the governor replied, "what?" (He's not from around here) The white death is upon us people, take shelter. The white fluffy spawn of Satan is coming to destroy us all. Film at 11, and 11:03 and 11:06 and 11:09 until the power goes off and we all freeze to death and are forced to eat each other for our own survival"

5 minutes later

"Did you hear that honey, its worse than I thought. I might need to venture back out and buy more beer and pringles. We might be stuck in here till spring. I wonder if its too late to rent some movies while I am out. Most of the good stuff is gone I am sure but I bet I can get some copies of Gilligan's Island. Might as well get some educational stuff, we might need the ol' professors wisdom if we are gonna be stuck for a while. Might look for some old McGuyver stuff too. If we get thru this I promise I am going to build us that bomb shelter come spring"

Okay enough of this silliness, who wants to sing with me?

"OH, the weather outside is frightful, yada yada yada, so delightful. the thing the thing the thing,

Let it snow, let it snow, LET IT SNOW"

okay, and for those of you who cant get the other tune out of your heads, I will sing with you too.

"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship"