Super Hero

What is required to be a super here? What does a super hero face during a day? What kind of skills separate a super hero from the rest?

I have a few answers, answers that will reveal why I am Super Plumber Ninja Dad.

First, super hero's have no fear.

Super hero's must be fearless because you just never know what the people (or Gracie person in my case) might get themselves into and need rescued from. For example, Gracie is terrified of the bird at Red Robin. If you don't know, the bird is a 7 foot mascot that looks like a bird. If Grace sees the bird, everyone in the restaurant knows she has seen the bird, make that everyone in the tristate area, and oz, and never never land know she has seen the bird. The skull splitting shriek that is immediately followed by her trying to climb inside my skin via my ear. Super hero's must be able to stand up to the mighty Red Robin and drive them away. Super Plumber Ninja Dad has been called into action against the bird and he must drive the bird out of the restaurant, all the way out the front door where they great people outside instead of walking around inside. When leaving he must carry the helpless screaming victim past the bird without allowing any harm to come to them. Superhero's are required to beat up the Easter bunny (even if the pastor is the one inside) and any supervillian that may be encountered. Supervillians include, the Red Robin, the Easter bunny, Santa Clause, Ancient Mayans that might be hanging around hotel lobby's, Evil clowns and or magicians, Demonic Firemen in full fire gear, and Demented Dentists in long white coats. Superheros must not be afraid to stand up to any of these supervillians to protect a young helpless screaming victim.

Superheros must have special powers.

We may be called upon to turn night into day or day into night just because it seems more appropriate. We may be called upon to make the 500 mile trip only last one minute because the actual travel time is too "booooring". We may be called upon to wash the favorite blanket (Bee) at 5 minutes till bedtime, and still have it dry in time for bed because it got wet and dirty. Superheros may call on their inhuman speed, laser vision, hulk like strength, and time/space transportation mutation abilities to accomplish these tasks.

Superheros must have cat like reflexes.

We may be called upon to snatch a toy from mid air before it hits the ground and breaks or gets dirty releasing the pouting gargoyle of despair. We may be called upon to catch a meatball in mid flight between chin and new yellow gingham dress to stay the appearance of the mamma monster. We may be called to run from back yard to front yard in a millisecond to keep a tricycle from running out into the street thus preventing the sad Chinese teary face. (its amazing how much speed these things pick up going down hill in a driveway) We may be called to traverse 3 or more flights of stairs to prevent an entire roll of toilet paper from being flushed and thus unleashing a massive flood and global behind warming. We may be called to reach out and cover a mouth before the word "ass" pops out for a third time in front of a pastor thus keeping the embarrassment bats to a minimum.

Superheros must have help.

Every good superhero has a side kick. Batman has the Boy Wonder, Superman had Superboy, or Supergirl, the Wondertwins had each other etc. Super Plumber Ninja Dad has the all important service and assistance of Super Scheduler Samurai Mom. Her unique powers of memory and balance provide anything that may be lacking of her Super Spouse. She plans the days and remembers all the things that need to be done. She is in charge of task completion and Super Gracie Tornado discipline. As strong and as fast as a Ninja might be, Tornado discipline is a task best left to a Samurai warrior mom.

Bottom line is this. If you are a parent, you are required to be a superhero. Go out and be a hero to your kids. Use your super powers for good and not evil. Never let your kids know the secret of the third eye in the back of your head, and always keep your mild mannered personallity on unless you need to slip into your cape and tights and become................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ (insert music here)

Super Plumber Ninja Dad