Well Well Well

A few posts back I talked about how I was feeling marooned on an island. I have a new metaphor to use now. A well. If you find a persons inner thoughts disturbing or their inner issues and disturbances uncomfortable, then please click over to a different page or slide over and read a different blog because I feel the need to go deep. (you have just been victim to pun number one)

Whenever I feel attacked by life or things start to become stressful and chaotic, or if a situation occurs that is intense or traumatic, my mind and body have been taught over time to react in a very specific and peculiar way. The more stressful and intense the situation that I find myself facing, the more pronounced this reaction becomes. I internalize, rationalize, think in black and white logical terms and measure out every word and action that happens with slow and deliberate efficiency. Situations that cause normal people to become agitated and acting outwardly due to adrenaline reactions, cause me to slow and become deliberately logical and calculating. This is a defense mechanism that I have perfected over a lifetime of feeling attacked. It works oh so efficiently. The more hazardous the real situation is, the more I can feel this reaction kick in, all reactionary elements of a personality drain away, things like anger, frustration, fear, hopelessness, they all run down and out leaving only cold logic. This allows me to concentrate on the problem and more, at a steady pace, towards resolution.

Let me give you and example. Several years ago my dog Woody jumped up and bit my nose. I will spare you all but the necessary details. I was leaning over to kiss Angie goodnight while she was sitting on the couch and Woody was in her lap. He took offense to this motion and turned around and hung his bottom canine tooth in my nose hole, pierced through the other side and tore open the wound all the way back down. Most people would react angrily to this and irrationally to the pain. My “systems” kicked in immediately and prevented this from happening. I stood up and walked , not ran, walked to the bathroom to get a visual on the damage. Moved the flap of skin away from the gushing blood to see how bad it was. Determined that I would need to have medical assistance and asked Angie if she would mind driving me to the hospital. She has ran in four circles at this point, had one or two of her Charismatic Pentecostal prayer sessions, and hasn’t yet stopped long enough to hear the answers to her question. Angie, the dog bit me, I need a towel, some clothes to get dressed, and if your able, a ride to the hospital. We will worry about the dog later and take care of the mess later, right now I need you to focus on what I am asking you. She then tossed me a white towel and a white t-shirt. Now, I am bleeding a lot, I don’t want a white towel so I go get an old towel that we can through away, I don’t want a white t-shirt, so I go find my own clothes. I say my own clothes because I need more than a t-shirt to go to the hospital since I was naked at the time and I would really rather have shorts, shoes, etc to wear. I am thinking that maybe I should drive myself but on this one I relent because my eyes are watering profusely. I will stop that story here because you get the picture.

One other shorter example. Once one of my employees walked into work in the morning, grabbed his stomach and drop to one knee and fell over in the floor of the shop. Reaction kicks in. Sam, I am going to call 911, stay put. I call, they come and take him. I then call his wife and she is a lot like my wife, or I guess, she is more normal than me. I tell her that Sam has been taken to the hospital. “why, whats wrong, how is he, which hospital, how long ago, is he okay, what did he say, how does this happen, he was fine, but…………..why wont you answer me?” Well you wont stop talking, but yes he will be fine and they are taking him to University Hosp…..Click. Phone goes dead. It was kidney stones and he was back in a few days with a message for me from his wife, “tell the slow guy not to call anymore, get somebody else who talks faster to call me.” Uh, okay then.

Anyway, these are examples of a conditioned response that has served me well. Whenever I feel stressed, attacked or overburdened this response kicks in automatically. Now lets expand on this a bit shall we. What about those longer lasting events like having two houses, mom being in the hospital, Gracie and her growing and adapting issues, moving into a new house, boss having health issues, wife having stress issues, God putting me back on that island alone, friendships becoming strained, finances becoming strained, etc. How does this work with longer running issues? Well, it works the same way only over a longer period of time, I become focused on the problems and oblivious to everything else. I function with cold logic towards the things that must be done to address each issue. On the long running issues, however, there begins to be side effects. It works towards correcting the problems, but with these there are great costs.

Well, one would think things are looking up, I have new directions, though not clear directions, in my spiritual life, I have one house about to be sold which will help with the finances and the stress levels of wife, mom is home and doing much better, it has become clear which friends are going to vanish and which are going to stick around and grow stronger with us. While this is all true, its not quite so simple. Its time to pay the price for these things. Listen carefully, if you internalize, the problems don’t go away, they just wait there turn, fester, and resurface as different issues.

Lets see, what’s the cost. I am now ready to go to that metaphor I spoke of at the beginning. Think about a well for a moment, they are deep, dark, narrow, and cold. That’s were I am right now. I am at the bottom of the well. Narrow is what happened because I became too focused on a few issues that needed attention. The fringes have all slipped away from me. Deep is the well of depression. I am losing more and more desire each day. All I want to do is eat and sleep. All I do is work and eat, not much sleep involved. Eating is becoming related to other things besides hunger and I am putting on weight, which only feeds the lack of energy and desire to do anything. Dark is the place at the bottom of the hole that I am at right now. I don’t see things getting better anytime soon; possibly because I cant see what’s going on right now without any light. Cold is what I feel I am left with right now because I don’t have the warm and comfortable things around me that I did because I over focused on the dangers. My body is complaining loudly right now. Both my shoulders are torn up, my feet both hurt worse than they have in years, my back aches, my stomach is churning all the time. I vomit about 3 times a week now. That’s not too bad, it has been twice a day everyday before, but its still enough to keep me from sleeping well.

So now I am down here, what do I do next. Do I fight to climb out? Don’t have the energy to climb or fight right now. Do I call for help? Friends have been seen at the top of the well but I am safe down here so I haven’t reached up to grab them and I wont call them to come down and get me because while I am fine, they might drown. Do I stay here forever, no, I would rot away. For now I think I must wait. If you have ever wondered where my blog got its name, wonder no more. For me these cycles of chaos are normal. In time, I will find the energy to climb out on my own, someone will decide to come down and extract me, or God will blast away the well and leave me standing on a pinnacle. All have happened in the past and one will happen again, for now I will just wait here in the dark and hope I feel up to getting out soon.

I've been tagged

Okay, so I've been tagged, thanks PK. I must answer three questions. What was I doing in 1977-1987-1997? Well lets start with 1977.

In the year 1977 I would have been nine. Lets see, that would be about 4th grade. Okay, I was in school and going to the last racially diverse school I would attend until I hit THE Ohio State University. My best friend was Hiep Nguyen, he was a recent Vietnam immigrant. I was the kid who was nice to him, one of the very few because he was so different and he talked funny. Apparently nobodies parent had explained what an accent was to their kids yet. He was a great guy with a big round pie face that was always smiling, even when the other kids were mean to him. I would defend him verbally when I could but I was a whisper sized little runt that nobody liked anyway so that didnt help much. Hiep had an older cousin there too, he was a year or two older and a little guy like me. Jung however had some schooling in the fine art of butt kickin. If people talked mean to Hiep he said nothing, that was my roll, if they touched Hiep, look out for the roundhouse from the 1o year old, there was a martial art butt kickin about to happen. I miss Hiep, wish I knew what ever happened to him. Oh yeah, this is the year that I got over cooties and decided I liked girls. They however took a while longer than I did. I got my first kiss from Eliza Paul at about this age, my next kiss would be around 1985 but lets not go there shall we.

Next, 1987

Okay, I am at THE Ohio State University on a full ride scholarship and living in a frat house called the Evans House. (http://www.evansscholarsfoundation.com/) I just turned 18 back in September so I am a little younger and a lot more immature than I need to be. I am fighting depression, unreasonable fear, and a host of other issues that I was not prepared for yet. I attended the University for a total of 4 quarters before I was asked to please leave. I was tossed from the Evans house after 3 quarters. My best friend Darin lived in Columbus and attended Devry just up the road. We had some good times together. He actually attended class while he was there. I did to, mostly, but I would go to class and passively listen and I would eat and I would sleep. I could sleep anywhere from 10- 15 hour a day. Now I know why, but then I just did it.

1997

I have been married for about 5 years now. We have a house and soon I will have no job. My wife had already quit her job to go to school to learn to do nails. This is the point at which our adventures begin concerning children. I wont bore you all again with this story, but if you haven't read this story already please drop down to "The story of Grace" and read that section of this blog.

Road Trip

I love a road trip, I love the drive and everything about a road trip. This Saturday we drove from our home in Maineville to a small town in Southern Illinois. Total distance was 219 miles each way. It took us 6 1/2 hour to get there and 4 1/2 hours to get home due to lunch and a couple of map quest and driver related detours along the way.

Why did I venture to Illinois you might ask?

Well a friend of the family who happens to be a senior pastor at the First United Methodist Church of this town just happened to read my blog on the Story of Grace (listed below for your viewing pleasure of course) and this story just happened to have meaning to him and he just happened to be finishing up a revival at his church were a speaker might just happen to be able to share a story of his testimony. This Pastor, Pastor Gene, asked me if I would be able to come tell my story at a cabin next to a pond at the end of a week of revival. It just happens that instead of being in Mexico as was planned or being at my sister in laws wedding as was also planned for that weekend, I was free. It just so happens that I feel God is leading me away from what I have grown comfortable in doing and into a new phase of life. It just so happened that Pastor Gene had some things to share with me after it was all over that wouldn't have been shared if I wasn't there. Now, its time to quote one of my favorite Pastors and speakers. "Nothing, Just, Happens" The point, God is involved and nothing is purely accidental. God is involved and there is a message in everything. God is involved and touching lives. My life, Gene's life, the lives of the congregational members and guests who might have been gathered there. I was meant to be there and I was meant to do something, Pastor Gene was meant to facilitate this and somebody there heard something they needed to hear. That's my belief. I believe this because Nothing Just Happens.

Now, let me tell the tale as best as I can recall it.

We left Maineville at 10:59-1/2 in the morning because I said I wanted to leave between 10 and 11 so we would not have to rush. Slight miscalculation on my part at this point. We start off down the road to find our way to State Route 50 West. All we really need to do is stay on this road and we will eventually get there. I printed off mapquest directions and left Pastor Gene's directions and phone number at home. Miscalculation number two. Gracie is being soooooooooo good on this trip, she is talking a lot, but what else is she going to do. Well, the answer to that is sing a lot. It moves me every time she sings her bible school songs. Particularly the way she says Jesus and Lord. You would have to hear it so I wont bother t0 explain other than to say she is four, Chinese, has a little bit of a speech impediment and a southern drawl she is working hard to master thanks to my wife and her family. We stopped for lunch briefly and were on the road again. It has become obvious to me that leaving plenty of time was not leaving enough time due to traffic and frequent 25 MPH zones that I had not expected to be so crowded. It was time to pick up the pace and rush a little bit. We had just left the latest po-dunk town and the speed limit was now 60 MPH. We were on a two lane highway next to a railroad track but we were only going about 45 MPH behind a semi truck. I looked around the truck and saw miles of straight road ahead. Okay I though, I can pass this truck and make up some time, nothing is coming and its just one truck so let me gently sway out across the line and get a better look. Hmm, its not one truck but two semis drafting along at about 45 MPH. I nailed the gas and off we go. Next observation, we are passing on a straight road that has a subtle decline to it, in other words the trucks, plural are picking up speed. Next observation, there is a minivan in front of both trucks making this a three vehicle pass attempt. Next observation, something is now in front of me and closing fast. Lets do the math, If I am moving at about 80 MPH and the truck is now doing 55MPH I am passing the three vehicle line at 25 MPH or so. Now if I am doing 80 and the approaching vehicle is doing 60 we are closing that gap at 140 MPH. If you figure that the visual range on a cloudy day in these conditions is about 1/2 mile and the distance I need to travel to clear the 3 vehicles is a moving 1/10 mile then you can calculate that I have 16 seconds to make this pass. 14 seconds into my most recent miscalculation, I dive in between truck 2 and the minivan, I breath a sigh of relieve, giggle a little and thank God for watching over those that are His. Angie has a brief Charismatic Pentecostal prayer session in the seat next to me and we continue on our way. We arrive at a cross roads were mapquest tells me to turn right onto 50 East. Note to self, no matter what, you cant get to Illinois from Indiana while traveling East. This error costs us 15 miles north and 15 miles south and about a half hour more delayed. Next we get to a split in the road that causes a small synapse to fry and I merge onto a highway headed north. Note to self, while in Indiana you will never find Southern Illinois while heading north. This latest miscalculation cause a 6 mile delay north and 6 miles back south. At 4:20 PM we arrive, woot woot. We needed to be there by 4:30 their time and we made it with 10 minutes to spare.

Pastor Gene and his wife Mary, were very gracious and welcoming hosts. Exactly what one would expect from such a Christian family. Well visiting time is over, time to head to the church van and make our way to the camp sight. Upon arrival we found a fairly diverse group of folks ranging in age from the early teens to age 96. Connie is 96 years young. She is a great lady. She made us feel welcome and showed us around a bit. This cabin and pond is her place. She mostly uses it for retreats and events such as this one. Connie didn't act her age at all, God has truly blessed her body as she was moving around better than people half her age. Her mind was as sharp as could be as well. Next we met one of her daughters whose name escapes me tonight, but she was just a sweet as momma. There is a group of about 8 or 10 early teens running around the pond, fishing, boating roasting marshmallows etc. People are sitting around the fire with hot dogs and such. This relaxing pace continues until about 6 o'clock or so. Then pastor Gene calls everyone together and talks a bit. He then moves on to introduce a man with a guitar. This guy was great. I want to say his name was Gary, but I am probably wrong there. Anyway, he played several praise and worship songs and we all sang together, all 30 or so of us. I was moved to tears at one point when he chose to play Amazing Grace. It was an awesome mood setter. Pastor Gene then did 4 baptisms. A couple, a youth, and a women on her own. This women, Teresa, was not doing well with the emotions of the day. She choose this day to not only call out to the Lord to help her in her struggles, but to call out to her church body as well. I hope the church body responds as the whole Body of Christ and lifts her out of her troubles, amen. After this, I am introduced and I tell the story of Grace. I talk for about an hour or so telling the whole story on the fly. Angie helps me with a few details along the way and Grace decides to help too, why not, its her story. When everything is said and done its time to head home, and a couple of people came to me and made some comments. The kind of thing you would say to somebody you don't know, polite, cordial, but not very deep comments. There was one notable exception to this however. Connie came up to me and said that she couldn't hear a thing I said because her hearing is so poor, but she could feel the Spirit and it felt good. I told her thank you and it was written down. Pastor Gene is going to print it off for her later. Well to shorten this story up quite a bit, we road back to Pastors house and said our goodbyes and good nights. During this ride we talked about some things that I am praying about and thinking about. Suffice it to say for now that yet another man of God has made reference to the fact that God might be calling me into some kind of service beyond what I am able to do right now. His words have taken root in my head for now and my heart is trying to process them. After our goodbyes, we hit the road again. The road home is much quieter, Gracie is asleep before we get a mile away, and much less hectic. Angie and I talk together and I drive home. The only thing about the ride home was the road kept disappearing, but they will do that from time to time.

I do love a road trip. Particularly those that have such Spirit and affirmation to go along with them. Thanks to all of you from First United Methodist Church of small town southern Illinois.

Finally

We have a contract on our "extra" house. Good news is we won't have to write a check at closing, bad news is we wont get much of a check either. The buyer has already seen the inspection report and has a pre-approval letter so we should be good to go. It is such a relief to be done with this. Hopefully, my wife, ::blink:: ::blink::, Angie, can start sleeping at night again.

It has been a good Gracie week. She had a run in at school the other day that kinda got us a little perturbed. Two of the little blond haired blue eyed cutie's at her school (remember she's FOUR) know each other very well and have been buddies since birth. They tend to gravitate toward each other and play together. Gracie wants to be their friend too but they keep resisting. When its clean up time, they drag their feet and when Gracie gets her mess cleaned up she goes and helps them. They let her help but wont let her play with them and wont let her play with "their" toys. Not a crisis thus far, oh but wait. it gets ever so more interesting. Monday they made my Gracie cry. Okay, now I am little irritated but these things happen and Gracie is a sensitive little thing so making her cry is not all that hard, but then I find out that this is not the first time they have done this. Hmm, still not a crisis but headed that way. The rest of the story is a bit more disturbing. How exactly did they make her cry you ask? Well they were playing Princess and my Gracie is extremely fond of princesses. Her room, her Jammies, her bathroom etc are all princess, she has the movies and can name them all on sight. Gracie tried to play princess with these two and was told she couldn't be a princess because she had 'black' hair. Now Gracie could have argued with them, Snow White, Mulan, Jasmine, but she just cried instead. Now this might be chalked up to kids being kids, maybe, but at this point I am smelling a skunk. Gracie is the only kid in class who looks different and normally kids notice everything but could care less, thus the odoriferous aroma. My first gut instinct is to fill a little kids hair with bubble gum and tell them stories about how the boogie man lives under their bed and comes out at night to eat their eyeballs for a snack. But that wouldn't be very Christlike so I think I will refrain. The thing that really stinks out loud is we have always called Gracie our little Chinese Princess, and now some little dork muffin is telling her otherwise. Well, Wednesday was field trip day and Gracie made a new best friend. They went out to lunch together and had a grand ole time. Gracie got to sit between Matie and her sister who is five, this was big stuff. Now Friday is coming and its back to normal class time and normal class situations, right? Well, not exactly. Daddy doesn't like it when heatherns mess with my princess and make my wife ::Blink:: :: Blink:: upset as well, and I detest the feeling of being helpless to do anything. Actually, I refuse to be helpless to do anything, which means I have to do something. Now what could I do that's not illegal, immoral, or at a minimum not socially unacceptable. Better yet what can I do that is going to be at least somewhat effective. Well, logic kicks in about here. First, what is the problem. Answer, my Gracie and my wife were hurt by a couple of little heathern crumb crunchers. Second, what would be and acceptable solution to the problem. Answer, Gracie and Angie are no longer bothered by the thing that caused them to be hurt. Options, have them arrested for illegal possession of Tootsie Rolls at school, nah, have them turn up missing after a tragic Barbie Jeep accident, nah, get them a co staring roll on the next Survivor series somewhere in Siberia, hmmm, okay, nah. Well it would appear making them go away isn't going to happen so lets look at other options. How else can I make the thing that hurt them go away? What was it that actually hurt them again? Oh yeah, words. Words from two little booger bundles that really don't mean anything. Maybe if I can get the message to my princess and my queen mum that they really are special and really are important and................................. ah ha.... now I'm on to something. Positive pro-active action. It'll work and its logical and its even Church sanctioned. Flowers. Simple yet effective. So, on Friday, flowers are being delivered to the pre-school. A big basket of daises for the Queen mum with a card that just says it's Wednesday. (okay its Friday but Wednesday flowers are flowers without any real occasion, and besides the field trip was Wednesday) And a little basket of daisies for Gracie that just says,"for daddy's Princess".

Now, if the florist screws this up we may have to revisit the idea. I can see the headlines now.

" Florist delivery man arrested for trying to smuggle contraband life savers across county lines, film at 11:00"

Oh, I almost forgot to give props to my friend Digger. His blog is on linked here, please visit him and his princesses as well. Thanks Digger, Wednesday flowers are a good idea eh?

Pass it on.

Today was a better day.

When I arrived home, Gracie was finishing up her nap, she had told mommy that she wanted to finish lunch and take a big nap today. When she awoke, I was home from work and she was squeaky and happy. I then went upstairs and took a nap of my own. Grace woke me up in about an hour to tell me it was time for tea. She was going to go play restaurant and I was to come place my order. Well of course I had to drag myself out of bed and crawl (literally) into the other room and lay down in the floor. I was served grape tea and potato salsa with a side of chicken leg and a carrot. For desert I had a banana, and some more grape tea. (momma likes to watch the food network) After dinner we went down to the mancave to do laundry and color. Gracie likes to be the passer which means she hands me one thing out of the dryer, gets bored, cleans the lint filter and then goes of to color or play in her tent or at her desk. All in all its just another day in the life of a four year old. She had half a little watermelon for night night snack, took a bath and went to bed.

As for me, I am looking forward to driving to Illinois next weekend. I love telling the story and hope it reaches out to someone in someway. Whether it be the adoption, or the finding the path of Light that means something to them, I hope I can be used to make a difference in someones life. I am still in shock that Pastor Gene is having us out, and I am glad we have seen him in person twice already, that makes it a bit easier because I at least know it is going to be a safe environment.

Side note about other adoption issues: Grace found a ladybug in her bathroom, now somebody besides me has witnessed the bringer of news. Now we must wait to see what that news might be.

Attempt number two at blog networking, if you are reading this and you have your own blog, please link yours to mine and leave a comment with your address and I will link mine to yours if you wish. Why would I want to do that you ask, I want to make the Story of Grace available to as many people as I can. If your readers can get to the story through your blog, then you are helping to spread a story of adoption and a story of salvation. I love how these two stories walk hand in hand. I mean think about it, Gracie would have grown up with nobody, nothing, and with no hope of a good future. God sent a servant to the hopeless and brought blessings to them all, the servant was blessed with the desires of their hearts, their cup is shaken down and running over with the goodness of the Lord. The child is blessed with a family who loves her with all their heart and has made promise to bring her up in the house of the Lord. God blesses us all more and more each day. I pray the Holy Spirit visits a certain mother in the heartland of China and brings peace to her heart and lets her know that Grace has been Grace and is given Grace. Amen. and Amen.

Tales of the mundane.

Nothing terribly blog worthy at this point to report.

I love coming home to the greeting I get from my Gracie. She is always so excited to see me and I usually get the Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddyyyyyyyy squeal when I walk in the door. This week has not been normal. I have come home to a grumpy Mao all week. Today was the pinnacle. I come into a full blown Hunan hissy fit being had. She screamed for over an hour after I got home. Somebody has had a long week and the result is making me have a long week too. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

It is time to change over the clothes. It was over 90 degrees this past weekend, it has been in the 60's all day today, fall has arrived, abruptly. So its up and down the stairs I go, summer clothes downstairs, winter clothes upstairs, yawn.

I had a meeting with my Pastor on Monday night to tell him that we were leaving the Church. He didn't seem at all surprised by this, I don't think he was expecting the reasons necessarily but he appreciated the chat we had as best as I could tell. It is just time to go. God has something else in store for us and it doesn't involve this church. I was reminded of an old testament scripture, "Come out from your people and I will show you a land" Well, for the past 6 or so years they were my people, but I am looking forward to seeing what lies ahead now that we have left. I am attempting to get a meeting with the Pastor at Crosspoint to ask him some questions. Is it normal to want to interview a pastor before you are comfortable with sitting is in his church?

My sister in law is getting married in a few weeks. This weekend is the Bachelorette party and my wife and the first lady are going. I will be taking the opportunity to hang out with my friend, Pastor. Gracie always has a blast at the parsonage, puppies, teenagers, lots of room, what else could a 4 year old want?

Like I said, boring around here lately but now you have what news there is, time to go fold some boxer shorts..

Changes happen

It has certainly been an interesting week. Some nostalgia is taking over in some respects. This edition of my daily life may be a bit difficult to follow because I will be mixing this weeks events in with some prequels and sequels from the story of Grace. So bare with me my friends and lets muddle through this together.
First lets just talk about Gracie. Yesterday was the pumpkin-fest. This is a festival held by Crosspoint Lutheran Church. It is a county wide festival that draws about 14000 people in two days. Best I can tell the membership of Crosspoint is about 100 strong or so. They put on quite the show this weekend. Gracie couldn't wait to go because she sees the prep for it while she was in pre-school. Angie works there as an aid as well. All day long Gracie talked about cotton candy, helicopters, slides and games. We got there about 2:30 or so and left at 7:00PM. Gracie "won" a hole bag full of stuffed animals, including the all telling ladybug, and suckers and toys and and and and.............. My Gracie came home all wound up, but when she crashed, she crashed hard.

Anyway, on to more difficult matters. Angie and I spent some time this weekend discussing church matters. We currently attend and belong to Hartzell UMC. When we moved to Mainville that made Hartzell about a 20 minute drive as opposed to the 20 seconds it used to be. This doesn't mean much on Sunday morning, but we were used to being at church several nights a week or choir, vegi tales, committee meetings, bible studies, etc. This introduced a difficulty for Angie.
Myself, I have a different issue. I will now need to assume if your reading this you have already read the story of Grace, if not this may not make sense to you, so go down one entry and read it first. Since God first started working on me I have always felt He was leading me towards an event. He was guiding me towards doing something for Him, something very specific. I mentioned to you that my random and scattered opportunities to preach have undergone a sever transition. The first time I wrote out a careful sermon and stood before the congregation with full text in hand and walked around reading the message. Then I progressed to an outline format where I just used notes to maintain some sense of order. The last three or five sermons I have done have been completely note free. I have this concept in my head that translates out into a message, and I go before the congregation and just start speaking. It isn't long before I feel myself let go and God takes over and His message is delivered to His people though my obedience. It is a bit awkward at first but once I got the let go part down its smooth sailing from there. The last sermon was a bit harsh and ended with a full blown alter call. This is not something that happens at Hartzell. In the 7 years I have been going there I had never heard the pastor invite people forward to accept Christ and follow Him. The alter is open for any purpose after the service is over but the alter call I was looking for, in the form I was waiting for, never came. I believe God wanted to use me to accomplish this task for somebody at Hartzell. I believe that Gods plan bore fruit that day.
This caused a change to occur. I feel that the Holy Spirit is drawing me away from Hartzell now. I have completed the mission God sent me to do and I feel He is drawing me away and towards something else. I also run into a difficulty in the flesh with this issue at the same time. I feel pushed and pulled by people to leave as well. I don't always react well to this because it causes me confusion. I need to know I am following the Holy Spirit in my choices and not listening to the flesh that may be doing the same thing. Well, this weekend I made up my mind after much debate, prayer and argument. It is time to leave Hartzell and head to Crosspoint.

Now, decision made, what happens now is the question. Every single real friend I have at the moment is at Hartzell. If I leave, what happens to those relationships? I feel like God is putting me back on an Island alone again. I have been on this Island before so I think God does this to me on purpose to prepare me for what happens next. I think God strips away my crutches and confidants and influences to get me by myself so I only have Him to lean on. This is not a comfortable way to learn, in my opinion, but if past experience is a teacher then I know things will not only be okay on the other side, they will be Glorious. Let me tell you the story of the last Island.

I had recently returned from Charlotte and had made my commitment to Christ. I was aflame with the desire at that moment. I had begun my journey of Preaching at the newly created third service and was headed towards adopting from China when I was run aground the first time. I had a group of friends that I ran with all the time that consisted of about 6 couples. We would gather at one house out on a lake just about 3 weekends a month. These people, in my mind, were my circle of friends at the time. I still had one other couple as friends who I grew up with but we had grown apart a little just because of leading different lives at the time. One of the circle of friends offered to help me with a fund raiser for the adoption process. Once this got underway I felt that this particular method of fundraising was inappropriate because it was not God centered, it was depending too much on corporations, sports teams, etc to provide the vehicle for the event. Then this person who had offered to help started pulling out on me, that was my clue that I shouldn't be seeking funding this way so I pulled out of the fundraiser all together. I choose instead to write a letter describing this event to local churches and asking their help in fundraising. This letter was not effective in raising money at all, I got zero response from churches. I did however get a response from my circle of friends. Somebody took the part about not being God centered to be a commentary about their Christianity. The short and quick result of that was we were asked to not come around any more. I had just been pruned and was now on an island alone.
The story is, by diving in to my church and learning, and preaching, and serving, I made new and better friends. Remember the old friend whom I said we had grown apart just because of circumstances? Well they started attending Hartzell as well and we have grown closer that we had been in years. They helped with our adoption journey even though they were in the middle of their own fertility crisis. There journey ended with the birth of their son some 9 months after we got back from China. (if I have the math right and I may not) I became good friends with the pastor and was at his Wedding, I got to be close with the whole pastoral family. I made new friends with people like the Lochers, the Schraedins, the Willisons, and the Bobbitts. They have become our confidants and crutches. Now, here is the question of the hour. I have been pruned away from Hartzell, am I being pruned away from them as well. At this moment in time I would have to say yes and no. I can feel a growing distance with some of them, but I think the friendships with others will survive. I find myself planted on this island again while changes are taking place but I think the solitude will again be brief. The question is once I have my new direction, who will be standing with me on the other side of this Island. What does God have planned now? Does His plan involve Crosspoint?

Here was my first clue. I spend some time in a forum called YMX. Youth ministry exchange. I have made some "online" friends in this community. One of my online friends made comment that he wished I could come to his church and tell the story of Grace. (see previous post if you have not done so yet) This friend lives in California so I don't know if I will ever get out there to tell them this story but he is more that welcome to share it himself if he were to choose to. However, another online friend has invited me to tell this story to his church in October. Is this Gods continuing plan for me? Shall I be the traveling purveyor of the story of Grace? I dont know yet, but this does remind me of one thing for sure.

Jer 29:11
"I know the plans I have for you, to prosper you and not to harm you"

I do wish God would just send me a post card with His expectations on it, but if that's lacking then I suppose I will just continue to listen, guess, and go.

YBIC

The story of Grace

This is the story of Grace.
Let us start at the beginning. I was twenty something in 1992 and about to get married. My soon to be wife and I had decided to have a small wedding on the city square, Fountain Square in Cincinnati Ohio. We got married on Valentines day. Let me paint the picture for those of you not from around here. Fountain Square has a large Fountain in the center of it,duh, and it is very tall, with a woman at the peak with her hands spread out. In the winter the city hangs Christmas lights from her fingers to produce the effect of water while the fountain is turned off. It is a picture perfect place for a wedding. Its February, so its a bit chili outside as you might guess. We had a small group with us, and met up at the 4 star hotel across the street from the fountain. I had 3 of my good friends with me, and my folks, and my wife had a few of her kin there and a couple of her friends as well. All total we had maybe 15-20 people there who knew us. My buddy, who is a pretty large man, walked out into traffic and stopped it so we could all cross the street, it made for quite a sight as one would imagine. As we walked up to the fountain with our rent a pastor in tow, we began to gather a reasonably large crowd of onlookers. We had suddenly become a public disturbance. The city sets up an ice rink on one side of the fountain at this time of year and somebody over there noticed us, made comment of the goings on and decided to play wedding music for the skaters in our honor. The skaters, a bit confused, stopped skating and came over to the edge of the rink to watch us as well. Somebody called the local news media, who quickly dispatched a camera man to the seen of the disruption. What was to be a small gathering of the folks we loved, has now become a newsworthy event in the city. A local balloon artist is making hearts for us, as the city gathers around us to watch this budding romance turn the corner into marriage. The pastor runs through the vows, I kiss my new bride, the photographer snaps a shot, the ice rink plays the appropriate tones, the whole city says" awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" and a new life has begun.
I will let you digest that for a moment. You might want to go get some snacks and a beer, this is going to take a while.
My new bride and I had talked about things before choosing to get married. There were a few issues that needed to be addressed. This was her second marriage and in her view, this brought some baggage. I, of course, had brought some baggage of my own. We discussed these things and believed that we loved each other and could work through anything together. The one thing, which we did discuss, that would become the largest lump of baggage latter in life was children. She told me that she couldnt have children, I said fine, I dont want any, and that was that. Turns out that wasnt that. After a few years of happy marriage, the issue of children again came to the forefront. My wife now wanted children, so we discussed the options. We went to see a doctor as the first step. I wasnt completely sold on the idea of having children at this moment, but I love my wife and was willing to enter the fray and explore what possibilities were out there. I should take a moment right here to mention something that will be important later in the story. My wife was raised baptist. I was raised being told there was a God and He had a son, but not enough of anything else to really get the picture. So, it short, my wife is a backsliden Christian at this moment and I am one of the multitudes who thinks he is a Christian, but its not. Okay, digression over, back to the tale. We find ourselves in a new home, with a job that is in jeopardy from layoffs, and looking at growing from a couple into a family, no pressure here. We decide that we will let the doctors do what they do until such time as somebody says its time for in vitro fertilization. We did the entire spectrum of drugs, timings, surgeries, etc. My wife had many many tests run, a fairly serious surgery done, and I think we did about 6 months worth of artificial insemination's before the doctors finally said it was time for the next step. After a year or so of this, our marriage is really strained. Our finances have become strained, my job is all but gone, she has stopped working and is in school headed for a different career, the credit card bills are mounting, the insurance is running out, anything resembling an intimate relationship is gone, due to the doctors, and life is spiraling out of control. We had reached to point that we had to decide if we would be okay, with it just being the two of us. She said it would, I said thats fine because I was still scared of being a parent. So, that was that and we move on to repair the damage. Of course, that wasnt that, it never is.
Time passes. Open that next beer here.
Life moves along, things change, we grow, we learn, yadda yadda yadda, the thing the thing the thing. Here is were a transformation began to take place. This issue, in its inception had nothing to do with children. Enter stage left,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, GOD............................
My wife, had decided that our happy little family of two, plus three dogs by now, was still lacking what she needed. I said, uh, okay. (we men are a little slower on the uptake sometimes) She felt that something was still missing in her life, but it was something that she did have at some point. Uh, okay, I was still clueless. One day she said, I need a church, there is one right down the street, I am going there this Sunday, come with me or stay home, your choice, I need to go. Well, okay then, have fun, see ya later in the day. We had been to a couple of churches along the way in our marriage journey and I saw no reason for this to be different, but of course it was. She went every Sunday for a while and would come home all aglow with stories of the people, the Pastor, the sermon etc etc. Over time I began to notice that this was a change in things and I felt my life begin to change as well, I could feel God pulling me toward this place. I couldnt recognize it yet because I was still a heathen of the first order, but I am very attuned to life and could feel "something" that I could not explain. So, one morning when my wife got up, I did too, got dressed in a flash and plopped down on the couch to wait for her. She walked into the living room and asked what I was doing. Going to church I recken' was my answer. Okay then, off to church we go. We sat on the back pew in amen corner with the two old lady friends she had made. Now it was confession time, the two old women of amen corner had been praying for me with my wife, that I would feel the need to come with her. That explained a lot. So, now I am at Hartzell United Methodist. Let me speed this up just a bit. I came, I got baptized, I joined the church, and I have been there ever since. One thing you may notice if your astute, I cant spell a lick, but I have yet to capitalize church. I had just joined the church, but I was still a seeker and as of yet had not really found God, but He had a plan to fix that shortly.
Is your dip running low yet? Take a break, its about to take a turn into the Holy.
I was now motivated to understand and experience church, but right now I was still, church folk. That was bout to change. One night I was watching television and turned to watch some of the TV preachers. I was hungry for more at this moment. God sent TD Jakes before me to wet my appetite even further. Jakes was doing the conference thing in North Carolina that year called Manpower. I enjoy listening to Jakes and had the thought that it would be neat to see this event in person. Thought died right there, no money, no time, etc etc etc. Then I say a gentlemen name Eddie Long. He reached through the screen and kicked me in the gut. Something changed right then, he told me that I was just playin church and I needed to understand church and then become Church. Message received, Angie, I am off to Charlotte. I had no idea what was in store or why I had to go, but I had to go and go alone. It was a men's conference to alone was easy to do. It was the most profound experience of my life, to keep this part short because I could ramble for days on this alone. I met Jesus in Charlotte on a Friday night. I invited Him to come into my life and Change me. He said, you are a new Creation, the old has passed away and you are New again. I was reborn, and I was changed and life has been a wild ride ever since. The devil should have killed me before I got to Charlotte, but he has tried several times since and failed. The devil cant get me now. My wife will tell any who ask and listen, I was different when I came back.
Now I am a member of the Church, a member of the Body of Christ. I do my service at Hartzell, but I work for the Lord. God had a plan for me and things are getting more and more interesting. First He wanted me to learn to serve. I started joining things at Hartzell, and volunteering. By the time I was through I was a trustee, an Ad council chair, Sunday school teacher, acolyte leader, Bible study leader etc etc etc. I was there. He also wanted me to learn obedience. He told me to preach, I said what? He said preach, I said who, me? You have to understand Lord, I am the kid who would faint at the idea of oral book reports in front of a class of ten and you want me to preach. Well, you dont tell God no, I have done about 15-18 sermons, the last of which was a salvation message complete with alter call invitation that brought forth fruit. I went from reading a script with my head down in attempt one, to flying without notes of any kind and carrying my Bible in one hand while I speak. God gave me just what I needed to do what He asked, but right now I am ahead of myself.
During the middle of the previous paragraph, my wife says she wants children. I told you that that wasnt that yet. I said, uh, okay. She said she was going to pray and believe in God to deliver the desires of her heart. Hey, thats scripture, count me in.
Time passes. She doesnt become pregnant.
I come to church and lay on the alter one night to pray. Its just me and God at around 7 pm. I had been here before and had been stunned by the results, that was the preaching conversations in the last paragraph. I prayed for my wife and asked Him to direct me and tell me what was His will so that I could direct our family in His will and be His servant. I told him that if he wanted me to have children, teach me about children and put them in my life and a way to have my own, if its in His will. As I ended prayer I stood and heard a little child's giggle. I looked around the sanctuary and outside but no children around. I did not know it at the time but I just heard my daughter giggle for the very first time. Trick with this is at this moment she is inside her mothers womb in the heartland of China. She knows about me and now I know about her as well. God brought many kids into my life very quickly with youth group, acolytes, Sunday school, the Pastoral family. My life was flooded with children in the next few months. Again, I am ahead of myself. I went home and some brief time later my wife brings up the children issue again, but this time I say lets look at our options, she says China, I say lets go. My wife is found of telling a story about checking the calendar on the day we began the process and it said, "and He will fulfill the desires of your heart" This was her message that we had found the path of His will. The giggle was my signpost. Its time to begin the adoption process. Previously, adoption was not even on the table because we had both seen some bad things happen first hand and were gun shy of this issue, but when God leads you in a direction, you had best follow. Angie had spent her time as Sari and I as Abram, but it was time for a new name. God said, let you be called mah mah and let you be called daddy, and so it was to be.
Get another beer here, and maybe you want to hit the bathroom as well, I have now been typing for one hour.
Oh the bureaucracy of it all. The paperwork, in triplicate. We had to deal with our agency, our state, Washington DC and Beijing. We had to deal with gathering documents, birth certificates, education classes, visa forms, immigration forms, home studies, home inspections. We had to have everything notarized, signed, certified and examined and stamped. We had to be finger printed, investigated, and medically examined. Sometime after the home study was complete and before the alien anal probe (immigration) this very long, expensive, and painful process began to become enjoyable. It was a big game at this point, can I find the money, can I get a certified copy of a birth certificate from out of state, will they let me into the attorney generals office to get a stamp on this thing I had mailed from Washington? I was having fun with the challenge because I knew the outcome. I knew the outcome because I had my scripture, "if God is for me, who can be against me" I was more than a conqueror because I knew I was in His will. Three children from church donated $300 to us, this was a nickle in the bucket by comparison to the 20 large this would end up costing, but, it was like the widow who gave her penny to the collection plate, it was nothing, yet it was everything. My best friend from high school wrote a check for 2 grand, unasked but God motivated. I believe the gifts we were given translated into many blessings for the givers as well as for us. I still pray for the families that helped us along in this journey.
Mission completion. Our paperwork was accepted in Beijing and now we had to wait. We had to get the room ready, get the stuff together and have showers etc. I think couple showers were invented by the devil, but hey, I survived.
We got a call one day, about 5 months later, that said we had a UPS package coming to us. We needed to open the package, see a picture of our daughter for the first time and send a fax back to our agency accepting the offer of this child for adoption. This package came to my wife at work. I was not there but I have heard the story many times. The UPS driver walks in and Angie rushes over to him in tears. When asked what was wrong, she told him that he was holding her baby. He asked if he could stick around for a few minutes because he had never delivered a baby before. She of course said yes. The package had a few pictures of her and all the background info they could share at the time. It wasnt much, but it was more than enough. My wife left and met me at my work so I could see our daughter for the first time. I looked at that beautiful picture and could hear that little girl giggle all over again. Time to use the fax machine and order up one trip to China.
A few weeks later we are packed with several suitcases and flying to China. We have a brief layover in San Fran on the way. We met up for a quick bite to eat with an online friend of Angie named Deneice. I probably need to apologize to Deneice for being a total scatter brained fool, but I just could not focus and did not feel well because of all the energy flowing through me at the time. I was on the way to China. I had never even thought of the possibility of China while I was growing up and I am only a long plane ride from it right now. We got on the next plane and flew into Beijing. And so the adventure begins.
We had a few days to kill in Beijing before leaving for the capital city of Hunan and the accomplishment of a dream. We toured the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, had coco at Starbucks and prayed on Tienanmen Square. We were in the middle kingdom and it felt like it. China was note just a foreign country it is another world. People are people no matter the place, but despite some similarities, this was truly a land far away. I was already in love with this place and enjoying the experience. Angie was tense and anxious to get to Changsha. One of the pictures I have online in myspace is of me and two young ladies in front of the entrance to the Forbidden City. They were there sightseeing just like us. They thought it would be cool to have there picture taken with me, the fat, bald, round eyed foreigner. I loved it. Notice the peace symbol they both are making in the picture. Yes my sisters, peace be with you, now and always.
After a brief stay in Beijing, it was time to go to Changsha. This was the most beautiful hotel I had ever seen, the Dolton. It was in the heart of an overly industrialized city. The locals had not seen the sky in years because of the thick smog and perpetual haze. We had a little bit of time to kill before the big day arrived. Gotcha day is coming soon. When we first arrived at the hotel we go up to find our rooms thirty something floors up in the smog. When we walk into the rooms, there is something new here. The rooms were ready. ready for us, and us was now three. When we walked into the room, the first thing one would notice is the crib right next to the beds. This caused many a soon to be mom to gasp. It was the last signpost at the end of the journey. It made the finality's of the journey all too real in an instant. Several of the moms cried aloud when entering the room. Not everyone was a first time mother, but he ones that were new, are all now in tears. Repeat process upon walking into bathroom and finding that baby tub. Lets try and get some rest, yeah, right.
Some time later, all of the couples gather in the lobby, luggage in hand, in preparation to go to the local government building. This is where gotcha day will take place. Our coordinator, Sabrina, checks to make sure we have everything we need. Most particularly the forms that are required as well as any gifts we may have brought. We take a 20 minute bus ride that lasts three days before getting to the run down concrete post communist structure. We offload and get into the building and go up a few floors in the elevator. Then we walk into a room that looks like a large principle's office from an inner city high school with hospital waiting room furniture and plastic chairs all around the edges. Standing along the walls on one side of the room are rows of young women holding babies. Our Gracie is over there someplace.
Before reading any further, if you have a Bible in your house, go find the book of Isiah.
This is how this works. Our coordinator has a stack of paperwork, the local coordinator has another stack, and the director of the orphanage is standing next to them. He brings forth a nanny and they tell the local the child's name, the local then hollers out the child's name while taking the child from the nanny. Our coordinator comes to find us, in case we didnt hear or recognize our child's Chinese name, said in Chinese. The local then hands the child to the mother and the cameras all go off. This is the moment of gotcha. Angie and I were standing amongst our group from CHI and waiting to hear a particular name. Finally, the Chinese voice said, YI MENG CHANG. Angie took Gracie, from the lady held her up and with tears streaming down her face and her entire body shaking she hollered at the top of her lungs, "oh, THANK YOU JESUS". This is were the book of Isiah comes in. The door posts shook and smoke filled the room as the Lord came and took rest upon His alter among us. You could feel the warmth and Love fill that room at that moment in time. Nothing negative had rest in that place, it was all driven out as the room filled with His Spirit and His Presence because His servant had called upon Him in true and honest praise. We knew that God had done this and when He was acknowledged, He came among us. Angie held Marilyn Grace YiMengChang for a while and then it was my turn. I got to hold my daughter for the first time. This room and these events are something I will never forget. The Glory of God is burned into the walls and into my mind in this moment of time. In case you think this might just be my emotions of the moment, let me provide you with one missing detail. Two days later on the 40th floor of the Dolton hotel, someone we had never met and was with a different group happened to be near by at our gotcha moment. She approached Angie to tell her that she saw our gotcha and it was a moment that she will never forget either, because of what she said at the moment and the way in which she said it. The statement was truly pure and truly praise, just like the Seraphim shouting Holy Holy Holy in the temple.
From this moment on our lives had changed and many more adventures in and out of China were yet in store for us. We now had to learn what it means to be parents. This part of the adventure will be continually chronicaled here in myspace as the journey continues. We left China some time later after spending many days in Guanzhou. We had another layover in LA and met two more of Angies friends Katie and Dirk who took us to IN and OUT for burgers. Finally, we arrived to our gathering of friends back in Cincinnati. We had a gathering of around 12 or so that met us at the airport terminal. One thing that was a bit forboding of things to come was the sad fact that not one blood relative was there. This was sad because Angie's dad had lung surgery while we were gone. He didnt make it. We went to breakfast with our friends and then headed for home. We took a brief rest in our own bed and put Gracie down in her new home. We then went to church, by ourselves. We had something to do that needed done now. We layed Gracie on the alter and promised her back to the Lord from wence she came. God gave her to us and we shall raise her in His house and return her to Him. After this we needed to go to the hospital because time was short. James died the next day. Most of Gracies new family met her at a funeral. This was sad.
Grace is now four years old and a complete bundle of energy and joy to all who cross her path. She is a magnet for strangers and a minister of the first order. She can capture the heart of the most hardened spirit. It is impossible to remain depressed or sad in her glow. When I look into her eyes I understand the scripture of Jacob at Peniel. For when I look into her eyes I see the face of God looking back at me. When I say that I have looked upon the face of God and been spared, this is what I mean. Through God and through Grace I have been changed.
This is the ongoing story of Grace. This is also my witness.

Blessed be you.

YBIC

party

Well the party for Gracie's 4th birthday was saturday night.. A couple of notes about the event. 4 Lochers, 4 Gregorys,3 Tudors, 4 DiMallaitas,3 (neighbors other side cant recall last name, sorry)1 Schraden,2 Wilsons, 3 Berlings,and the 3 of us. Okay, lets do the math, 24 people, 13 kids, 11 adults, we where outnumbered and still survived.
Gracie got a bunch of stuff to play with, puzzles, play dishes, dolls, make up set etc. So daddy got to play with Gracie tonight. I had 47 cups of tea, blueberry, strawberry, lemon, and pineapple tea. I got to eat 17 hot dogs, with mustard, 12 ice cream cones, pineapple and strawberry of course. I got to feed the dollies their tea, grapes, chicken legs, and pears. Oh, I also got to eat 9 cans of corn and a package of taco shells. I think I am full now.
Then it was time for make up. I got to put the Barrett's in her hair and help with the watch and other bling blings. I got to wear one of the earrings as well. Somebody, who shall remain nameless but I think it might rhyme with Amy, bought Gracie the makeup set. In the makeup set is some play lip gloss, safe so far, some jewelry type stuff, okay still I think, but there was also a little tube of goo that acts like a lotion, but is full of little sparkles. Gracie has sparkly arms, sparkly legs, sparkly fingers, and a bit of sparkly head. I had a blast, mom, not so much. Sorry mom. Amy, remember this phrase, wanant me, didnt do it, uh-uh, wanant me. Deny, deny, deny. (just to be clear, just in case the humor gets lost in the typing, its really all good)
Football is on televisions right now, has been all day. I like watching football. But to be honest, if I can lay in the floor and drink tea with my Gracie, its okay to miss football,

all day.

Four

Grace is four today. Yeah............

We went out to dinner tonight to celebrate. She wanted to go to Red Robin. Dinner was mostly uneventful except for the fact that it was her birthday. She felt the need to tell the waitress it was her birthday, the lady who brought the food and just about anybody else who stood still too long. They bought her an Ice Cream Sunday and sang Happy Birthday, the Red Robin version of course. When they were done and ready to walk away, she of course informed them that they were singing it wrong, it goes like this. Oh my. She then decided to eat the cherry on top first. She doesnt like cherries, thus I need to fish it out of her mouth for her because she cant seem to spit it out (its all stuck up in her teeth) Nasty. She then digs into the ice cream and is on a sugar high the rest of the night.
My boss had his surgery today, they put in a stint and as far as I know everything went according to plan. He should be home from Cleveland later in the week. I might get a few days off this year yet.
I posted a couple of more pictures of the girls of Hunan. For those who dont know, 10 families adopted from Hunan together. We made the whole trip from Beijing, to Changsha, to Guangzhou together. In the White Swan Hotel at the end of this journey it is a tradition to put all the girls together on a red couch in the lobby to take a picture of the whole group. I posted one of these pictures, its bad because at that age and in that circumstance, not much interest in setting still. I also posted picture from this past Chinese New Years. Several of the families gather in St. Louis for the weekend to stay connected to each other. We take an updated red couch picture every year with whom ever can make it. My how they have grown. We joke about how we will be trying to fit them all on the couch when they are in there teens. I think it would be a cool thing for them all to stay in touch and do a red couch picture of their kids to present to their grandparents. But thats 20 some odd years off, and who knows if I or they will even still be breathing that long from now. I dont mean to sound depressed or negative, but life is hard right now and I am sore, tired and not of good mind.
Sometime when I get bored I will have to post the whole China/Grace/God story on here. I say when I get bored because it will be an obnoxiously long post.

Yawn

Not much to report today. I just wanted to close out the week with a few updates.
Momma came home yesterday, she is now sleeping in her own home in her own bed. She was able to finish her re-hab up in a week and was discharged yesterday morning. Their puppy was a little grumpy with her when she got home but all is well now. She actually feels better than she has in a long while and are planning to come over next weekend for Gracie's birthday party. Things should be grand.
I have added a few more pictures on the myspace profile section this weekend and will most likely add some more in a week or so.

My wife (blink, blink) told me something disturbing this evening. There are rumors that the KKK might be having a rally in our small town. If this is the case, they will have at least one protester to contend with. I will make a few inquires if this turns out to be real and not just rumors to see if anybody would like to join me. I am not sure what to do just yet, but I am thinking along the lines of the "oval preachers" (this is a phenomenon at THE Ohio State University in which preachers of Gods word will take a milk crate or something and stand on it in the middle of campus, called the Oval, and preach to all who walk by. Crowds develop around the ones that were any good, Christians and hecklers alike, but that was the point after all) I am thinking that as a protester of their beliefs, taking the purely christian approach would be the best way to be effective, preach the Word to them as they walk by and asking them to repent of their sins, leave behind this life of hate and embrace the God that is love. This will most likely be my tact if this is to occur. I have a feeling its just the rumor mill working overtime but time will tell. Another option is to take a big sign that says "the end is near" but I think thats just a little less than tactful.
Oh, the ladybug. Nobody but me ever found the ladybug. blink blink looked for it but couldnt find it when she got home, I wonder what that means.
I took Gracie to Skyline for dinner tonight and let blink blink have a little more time to herself. Gracie was her usual attention hog. The waitress knew her name when she walked in, Gracie picked our seat, picked up her menu to read it, (no she cant read) and when the waitress asked for her order she said."hot doggie with cheeeeeese, oh, and pink lemonade pleeeeeeeeeease....can can can canni can I have a popcicle too/" Grinning ear to ear. After we ate, she paid, of course.

Lady bugs

Okay, So my wife (blink.. blink) Angie is out at a pampered chef party with some of the girls so its daddy's night with Gracie. I love daddy's nights. We have illegal amounts of fun, I am as obnoxious as she is when we get to go out alone and mess around. We went to dinner at her favorite spot, a Chinese buffet call Fusion. I let her pick what she wants to eat and I let her pay. After we are done eating she picks up the card to pay and gets frustrated that the waitress wont pay attention to her (she's 4) After the lady passed her by twice Gracie is getting a bit loud and wants to get down and go after her to get her attention. I tell her no. and ask her to just speak to her next time she is near by. The next time she comes down the aisle, Gracie stands up in her seat sticks the card up in the air and hollers 'ni hao'. I thought the lady was gonna kiss her. She came over, gave her a careful hug, took the card and was smiling all the time. Anybody else in earshot was laughing their butts off, but hey.
Anyway, next stop, shopping. If we go out, we must go shop. I bought her something just so we could go shopping. A habit I will hate later in life I am sure.
Angie and I have gotten ourselves on an adoption list that might someday produce a sister for Gracie. No guarantees. I have kind of half heartedly signed on to this because it will strain the family unit quite a bit, but I want what is best for Grace. I keep fence hopping on what that is, a sibling, or our entire resource pool set aside for her. Tough decision for me, but I went for the list with the idea that we should let God decide. He knows best and He is good.
After we got home I sent Grace upstairs to change, we cuddled on the couch for a while, and then the cute little sleepy princess decided to go to bed. After she went to sleep I came upstairs to check in on her and run through the shower real quick. Once arriving at the top of the stairs, I found 4 Bo logs in the doorway to the spare room. Dang it Bo. I then walk into Gracie's bathroom to retrieve some toilet paper and open the lid to her toilet. I proceed to pick up the still a bit warm Bo logs and head hastily back to the bathroom. After depositing Bo's gift of attitude and flushing I just happen to look straight ahead into a blank white wall. I just happen to notice a spot on this blank white wall just at eye level. I just happen to stare at this spot long enough to focus on it because it does not belong there.
One small, red spotted beetle.
One little itty bitty bug on the wall.
One little Lady bug.
Oh $%!^, its a lady bug.
Its just happy as can be, hangin out, making dang sure I saw it.
I saw it, dang it.
Guess I better start saving up my pennies now. Might want to paint that other room something a bit more girly. I dont know if I am ready for this or not, but I guess if God is gonna bring me to it, He has a plan to get me through it. It would be my opinion He just made His intensions clear.
(if you got lost by the ladybug, go to any China adoption website and it will become clear. Ladybugs and Red threads are Chinese adoption folklore. Ladybugs are the bringers of news concerning adoptions and the red thread is a legend concerning destiny, or Gods plan)

Spell check button, oh spell check button, where art thou